I've suffered from anxiety and low moods for the past 5 years. In the last 3 years it's got worse, and I saw a counsellor for CBT 2 years ago now. It helped a bit, but early this year I decided I couldn't go on like it - my moods were out of control, I was getting incredibly angry and irritable by the slightest thing (totally out of character for me), my low moods affected me more than ever, and I was constantly worried about anything and everything. On top of this I have social anxiety issues too.
Generally my husband and his family are very open and understanding about mental health as my BIL has Bipolar, and they've been through some really tough times. When I was 'officially' diagnosed earlier this year with anxiety, my MIL was a bit dismissive and kind of had the nothing really horrendous has happened to you so you shouldn't have it attitude and asked if I was sure I had it, etc. So now I try to hide my low moods from her, and most of the time I succeed and the only give away is the state of our apartment.
I feel like my husband is getting less understanding. I was back in therapy a few months ago because I said I didn't think I was coping and he agreed with me. Yet he was apprehensive about me going back and asked if I was sure if it was the right thing to do. When I'm in a low mood, he tells me things aren't as bad as I think and I have nothing to worry about/be depressed about and to just think positively. He stands me in front of a mirror and tells me to look at how beautiful I am when I have hang ups about my body. The whole thing just makes me want to scream and cry. No matter what I say, it's like he doesn't get it. He doesn't realise I can't control these feelings, I don't just have an off switch. He also blames himself, saying he's a lousy husband, but I've explained to him it's not him, I had it before I met him, etc. It makes me feel so frustrated and guilty.
I want to confide in others but my own parents and I aren't close and we only see each other a couple of times a year as we live so far away. My family are so close-knit and I wouldn't want them all to know, but if I told my mum then I may as well announce it to everyone from the rooftops. Plus I've always been the 'strong' one... I have 3 best friends, one of whom also suffers from depression and really understands but isn't easy to get in touch with, one who thinks he can just chat to me and make everything ok, and the other who just doesn't know what to say if I say I've been low and changes the subject. I feel really alone... I don't get out much as my husband doesn't like going out and I can't bring myself to go out alone. I have hobbies such as church choir, dancing and reading group and try to fill my time with work or things like this to take my mind off my problems. But they don't go away, and I need my family at home - my husband - to understand.
What can I do to help him or to help myself, and to get other to understand too?