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DH is livid right now


I got a call earlier today from DHHS in the city where my daughter's dad lives. They needed to verify the amount of child support I am sending him, which means he's applying for government assistance. She already told me that they get food from the food bank regularly. He and his wife are both going to school full time and majoring in film. They are living off of student loans, and now apparently welfare. I think his wife works part time on weekends and he doesn't work at all.

I am a yellow dog Democrat and have no issue with public assistance being available, but it sort of chaps my *** that I went to school full time last year, and worked 25-30 hours a week the entire time because as the child support obligor I do not have the option of just deciding I don't want to work. Not only that but both of them felt the need to choose a major with some of the grimmest employment prospects imaginable. So I am fully expecting to get no help from them when she is ready to go to college herself.

No real point to this thread. Just needed to vent because my XH is a tool

Re: DH is livid right now

  • Why does your H have custody?
  • It is a long story, but basically I was between a rock and a hard place and had to make a tough decision. Have regretted it ever since.
  • This is bad news and fraud.  And that child should be removed from his custody if he is robbing the public coffers.

    If yu have black and white evidence to prove he's a fraud, present it to the proper authorities. And then let them take it from there.

    Hoping the kiddo is okay.
  • I don't think it's fraud if the laws allow for it. Abuse maybe, but not fraud. Most states will allow you to get welfare while in school if you have a dependent child. In most cases I think it's a good thing if getting an education means that the parent won't have to rely on the state anymore. I don't think that's what is going to happen in his case though.
  • I love how you clarify that you are a Democrat right off that bat. So, Republicans don't support any social programs?!? New flash: you're wrong.

    Anyways, nothing you can do here. Just because you worked while in school doesn't mean they need or have to. It's they way it is. These programs have guidelines and you have to trust that they legitimatly fall in those and qualify for the support.
  • MLE2010 said:

    So, Republicans don't support any social programs?!? New flash: you're wrong.

    Umm, how did you come to that conclusion? Not sure why you've taken such offense at my post. Are you a film student or something?
    Anyways, nothing you can do here. Just because you worked while in school doesn't mean they need or have to. It's they way it is. These programs have guidelines and you have to trust that they legitimatly fall in those and qualify for the support.
    I'm well aware there is nothing I can do. Even if he were lying about anything it's not like he would tell me. I do think it's kind of a sh**** double standard though that I don't have a choice about financially supporting my kid, but he gets to just decide he doesn't want to. And frankly I worry about her having everything she needs under those circumstances.
  • Am I a film student? Good grief, please get a clue. From somewhere.
  • Oh, and you keep right on voting for that double standard. Sucks, doesn't it?
  • You can relax now. It was a joke. Jesus.
  • Is there potential for you to get some custody back, if he's not making any money and still a student? I get why you're cheesed. I once dated a guy who had a kid from a previous marriage, and he quit his great-paying government job to do a Masters in History. His child support payments were going to stop and he didn't even care about the impact on his son. I broke up with him right then. Your XH does sound like a tool. :(
    JNL$LSM
  • There is, but it's being left up to her. She starts high school next year and she has the option of going here. She doesn't have as many friends here though. My DH is also terminally ill (and still works full time BTW) which is kind of a crappy situation for a teenager to live with. OTOH, she may see that as a reason to spend more time here. She gets along really well with him and is very upset about his declining health. I am hoping for the best, but trying to prepare myself for her staying with her dad.
  • Somehow, I have a feeling, if this were a single mother applying for assistance while in school no one would look down on it one bit. None of this is remotely illegal or abuse. Single mothers go to food banks and get assistance all the time, especially while in school.

    I have a huge issue with people slamming men or women for doing things that no one would think twice about if they were a different gender.

    You don't get a say in how he manages his life or what anyone is in school for. If he were studying to be a doctor this would all be ok? Be glad she is being taken care of. If she isn't, do something about it. 

    Clearly there is more to this story if you don't and haven't had custody. 
     
  • Yes, there is more to the story. I got extremely ill for several years and was no longer able to care for her. I couldn't even care for myself during that time. The custody change was supposed to be temporary until I recovered. But he changed his mind.

    And yes, if he was studying to be a doctor, or anything else with good job prospects, I would not have a problem with it. If he and his wife were not going to school at the same time and she were working to support them I would not have a problem with it. There are a wide variety of ways they could have gone about this that would be far less retarded.
  • Yes, there is more to the story. I got extremely ill for several years and was no longer able to care for her. I couldn't even care for myself during that time. The custody change was supposed to be temporary until I recovered. But he changed his mind. And yes, if he was studying to be a doctor, or anything else with good job prospects, I would not have a problem with it. If he and his wife were not going to school at the same time and she were working to support them I would not have a problem with it. There are a wide variety of ways they could have gone about this that would be far less retarded.
    Hey, I get it, and you're not wrong. Unfortunately, I can't tell the people buying carts of junk food with food stamps and taking off in their Escalade what I think of them and why how they are living sucks and isn't fair to the rest of us.

    At least he was there when she needed him. There are many who aren't so fortunate. Doesn't mean you still can't think his decisions suck. 

  • There are a wide variety of ways they could have gone about this that would be far less retarded.

    Really?!? REALLY?!?

    You are an ignorant piece of trash. You do get that using the word "retarded" puts you with people who use racist terms?
  • MLE2010 said:
    There are a wide variety of ways they could have gone about this that would be far less retarded.
    Really?!? REALLY?!? You are an ignorant piece of trash. You do get that using the word "retarded" puts you with people who use racist terms?

    Oh my! I must be tired. I missed that. Yeah, I was trying to be nice, but for someone who doesn't have custody of their child and has the nerve to judge the person who does, um yeah. Good luck. You're going to need it.
  • I have my own feelings about that and do not at all agree, but whatever. I am not going to even start to get into that. I have family members who are mentally disabled and do not and would never use that word to describe them. No offense was meant.

    The fact that he has custody does not make him father of the year. All it means is that I was a good enough parent to recognize when that wasn't capable of of caring for her on even a basic level, and that that situation was not going to change for a while. I didn't sign away my rights to have an opinion about her father's questionable life choices.

    I am hardly surprised because this is exactly the kind of crap that led to our divorce. I'm delighted that he seems to have found a wife who is just as dumb and irresponsible as he is.
  • And just in case anyone would like to make more assumptions about me, the illness I had was not a substance abuse problem. It was serious and life threatening and went undiagnosed for over a year. By the time they figured out what was going on I was totally debilitated by it. It wrecked havoc on my entire nervous system including my brain. Although it was treatable the recovery was long and brutal. They still don't know why it happened as it is something that typically occurs in the elderly, not people in their 20's, and they never nailed down the cause of it.

    FTR, I will refrain from using that term on these boards in the future, as it is not my desire to offend anyone. Calling me ignorant trash was pretty damn classy though. Way to go with that.

  • Calling me ignorant trash was pretty damn classy though. Way to go with that.

    It was damn classy, I could have unleashed some choice terms for you but I kept it clean. Nice try, you fail.
  • Well your views are not exactly universally accepted as of now, and you might get your point across more easily if you were a little less of a b**** about it. Just something to ruminate. I am a big enough person to admit that I made a bad call there, regardless of your over the top response.
  • It's difficult just to go to school and work.  Even more difficult to add a kid to the mix.  Hopefully, your child is happy and well taken care of.  You do what you can with what you have.  It doesn't sound like they are living the high life. 
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