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Poorly behaved In laws...

My Husbands family have no boundaries and they accept bad behavior with out flinching. The father won't butt out of our search to buy a house. I have great family resources in my family seeing most of them have made livings buying and selling homes. However my FIL has none but insists on forcefully feeding us his opinions. My H is now so gun shy of house hunting we've had to stop looking. My FIL has also told us, what ever house we buy, he's renovating. He did this with his daughters house...he will show up and just knock down a tree or wall with out asking and caused massive problems. How should my H and I tell him to kindly back off? The Sister is spoiled rotten and very unkind....but maybe she just has a really bitchy resting face? I don't know how to make a good relationship with my SIL. She is very spoiled. She has to get at least one more gift than my H on Christmas (she counts), she has to get a gift on my H birthday too, and really she pouts till she gets her way, she also has fits if she's not the center of attention, and she is in her early 30's. I really have tried to pick out her best qualities but i really can't find them and I feel awful. Her grandma has even said she's horrible and family friends say she has the personality of a dead slug. Should I just continue to ignore her behavior or should I try something else. I really would like to have a relationship with her but she acts like I'm road kill. Please help.

Re: Poorly behaved In laws...

  • 1) Stop talking to your inlaws about your house hunting.  It's none of their business, and no one can "force feed" you their opinions - stop spending time with them if they won't stop talking to you about it. 

    And your FIL can't just "show up" and start knocking down walls or trees.  Don't give him a key to your house.  Don't let him in if you didn't invite him over.  If he does something to your yard without your approval, have him arrested for trespassing and destruction of property.  THIS IS ALL WITHIN YOUR CONTROL.  They can't abide by your boundaries if you don't set the boundaries to abide by.

    2) Leave the SIL alone.  If she's an awful spoiled brat, why would you want anything more than a casual, distant relationship with her?  Be civil to her when you're together, but stop trying to push a friendship.  She's your SIL, that is all.  Ignore her bratty behavior.

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  • Maybride2 said:

    1) Stop talking to your inlaws about your house hunting.  It's none of their business, and no one can "force feed" you their opinions - stop spending time with them if they won't stop talking to you about it. 

    And your FIL can't just "show up" and start knocking down walls or trees.  Don't give him a key to your house.  Don't let him in if you didn't invite him over.  If he does something to your yard without your approval, have him arrested for trespassing and destruction of property.  THIS IS ALL WITHIN YOUR CONTROL.  They can't abide by your boundaries if you don't set the boundaries to abide by.

    2) Leave the SIL alone.  If she's an awful spoiled brat, why would you want anything more than a casual, distant relationship with her?  Be civil to her when you're together, but stop trying to push a friendship.  She's your SIL, that is all.  Ignore her bratty behavior.

    All of this. Your DH needs to grow up and stop giving them any information if they cannot act like normal adults. 
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  • So your husband really wants to stop house hunting because he doesn't want to hear it from his dad anymore ?

    That is just so strange.  I mean sure I can see being annoyed, but to decide he doesn't want to buy a house now ?  I am having a hard time understanding why a grown man would do that. 

  • Maybride2 said:

    1) Stop talking to your inlaws about your house hunting.  It's none of their business, and no one can "force feed" you their opinions - stop spending time with them if they won't stop talking to you about it. 

    And your FIL can't just "show up" and start knocking down walls or trees.  Don't give him a key to your house.  Don't let him in if you didn't invite him over.  If he does something to your yard without your approval, have him arrested for trespassing and destruction of property.  THIS IS ALL WITHIN YOUR CONTROL.  They can't abide by your boundaries if you don't set the boundaries to abide by.

    2) Leave the SIL alone.  If she's an awful spoiled brat, why would you want anything more than a casual, distant relationship with her?  Be civil to her when you're together, but stop trying to push a friendship.  She's your SIL, that is all.  Ignore her bratty behavior.


    Couldn't have said it better.
  • My Husbands family have no boundaries and they accept bad behavior with out flinching. The father won't butt out of our search to buy a house.

    This is an H problem, not an "H's family" problem.


    He needed to tell them to butt out when this mess began and he needed to say it in such a way that they never did it again.

    He also needs to stop telling tales out of school. All of his behavior is childish and he's not being a team with you.

    I have great family resources in my family seeing most of them have made livings buying and selling homes. However my FIL has none but insists on forcefully feeding us his opinions.

    This is where you speak up and say "Dad, enough. If you say one word you're out of here" and stick to your guns if he insists on keeping at it.

    Stand up for your rights. Don't be a pansy or pushover.

    My H is now so gun shy of house hunting we've had to stop looking. My FIL has also told us, what ever house we buy, he's renovating.

    He's not renovating shit.  That's that.

    He did this with his daughters house...he will show up and just knock down a tree or wall with out asking and caused massive problems.

    Not only is this wrong, he may also be breaking about 10 laws! you just can't cut down a tree! I believe there are variances and rules in some towns where you may indeed have to have permission to do so first!

     How should my H and I tell him to kindly back off? The Sister is spoiled rotten and very unkind....but maybe she just has a really bitchy resting face? I don't know how to make a good relationship with my SIL. She is very spoiled. She has to get at least one more gift than my H on Christmas (she counts), she has to get a gift on my H birthday too, and really she pouts till she gets her way, she also has fits if she's not the center of attention, and she is in her early 30's.

    Ignore her and let her pout. She isn't the problem: your H is.


    I really have tried to pick out her best qualities but i really can't find them and I feel awful. Her grandma has even said she's horrible and family friends say she has the personality of a dead slug. Should I just continue to ignore her behavior or should I try something else. I really would like to have a relationship with her but she acts like I'm road kill. Please help.
    If her behavior ruins a party you've given or embarrasses you with good reason in your own home , this is where you speak up and you tell her one on one that 1-she is out of line and 2- if she does it again, she will not be invited into your home again.

    YOur main problem is your H. He needs to grow up and man up for you and for himself.
  • Stop telling your inlaws what you're doing. When I met my DH, I used to think it was hilarious and childish that he was always hiding things from his parents, like he was 12 or something. Then I met his parents. Your inlaws sound like mine. They had keys to my DH's house, and even walking in on me and DH in bed twice didn't stop them from just walking in whenever. DH moved into my house, inlaws never got a key, pop-ins were not accepted, and I didn't tell them anything about my life or our plans. Then we moved to a different city. They still call and try to find out what DH is doing, or tell him how to live, but it gets ignored. You may not have to be as drastic as moving away, but you do need some serious boundaries and your DH needs to grow a spine and tell his parents to stop treating him like a child. Good luck!!
  • Regarding your FIL - the problem lies with your husband.  He ALLOWED his Dad to scare him to this point of calling off the house search.  Your FIL can do or say whatever he wants.  Your husband CHOSE to let it affect him, and therefore you.  Your husband needs to nut up.  

    If and when the time comes that you two actually do purchase a home, tell your FIL straight.  Better yet, have your husband handle it - "Dad, we appreciate you wanting to help but I need you to back off.  We're doing this ourselves.  If we need help, we'll ask you."  If he just shows up and starts cutting down trees, tell him to stop, leave your property, etc.  

    The problem with people like your FIL is that people let him do whatever he wants with no consequence.  Your husband is essentially inviting his behavior.  Nip that shit in the bud.

    Regarding your SIL - fuck her.  I'll never understand why the new addition to the family wants close ties with the crazy people in the family simply because they're married in now.  Seriously, who cares?  She sounds like a lunatic.  You're never going to change her, you're never going to make her like you.  Just handle her like any sane person would - be civil when you have to be around her but otherwise keep her at arms length.


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