Trouble in Paradise
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My husband is a child!


Re: My husband is a child!

  • Stop!  That's my advice. Let him handle things, letter was for him to replace car part, let him deal with it on his own, if he wants to use Friday to do it, so what? You sound too controlling. Quit acting like his mother and maybe things will change

  • Your husband sounds like my fi. I don't have to remind him about anything but i do have to nag at him a lot for leaving a mess. when he was toddler he grew up underprivileged but buy the age of 11 his father and step mother lived in a mansion so his mind is there for understanding the work and needing money but cleaning up after himself is a challenge. they had a made to do all that for him.

    my suggestion is to just sit down and talk to him and ask him to just understand the stress you are under for having to remind him all the time. if he gets mad, calmly get up and tell him that you are going to walk away and let him think about what you are asking of him.

    its been working with my fi and he is helping when ever he can :D

  • kibskix said:
    1. Love someone for who they are, not for what you can change them into. 

    2. being married doesn't make someone your property. Let him do what he wants to do with his own vehicle and his own time. He isn't your child. 

    3. you seem very defensive about how much more responsible and efficient you are than him. You are judging someone else based off how you feel you should behave. You aren't making allowances based on differing situations and temper. 

    4. Sit back and look at this situation for a second. you are flipping out because he didn't do what you told him to do, over something that isn't your concern anyways (if IS his car, isnt it?) Whats REALLY the problem here? It isn't the car. It isn't how he' chooses to spend his time. Its that you think he's ignoring you. 

    5. Whether its the right thing to call and get that appointment made immediately or not, if it were me, and someone was riding MY ass about it, i'd put it off on purpose out of spite because that isn't respectful behavior. That isn't cultivating a loving, trusting relationship. 

    you guys need to have a serious chat. and not a nagging session, or a fight, or an attack. Your husband sounds like he's half a year away from shutting down completely because he will end up feeling like you think he can't do anything right, and it sounds like you have some insecurities that are causing you to ride his ass constantly on trivial things. You guys need to figure it out.
    Agree on so many levels. This is exactly what you should do. My husband and I are in the same boat, and I will be taking this advice as well. Thank you!
  • Honestly, nagging your husband is going to make him more resistant. Either change your approach or accept that this is how he is.
  • I'm on the fence with this one. Yes, nagging sucks and doesn't feel loving, but not taking care of your responsibilities as an adult and partner also sucks and isn't very loving. But I do think you should take a look at what needs to get done, and do the things that will affect you and your credit rating. Stuff that's completely his, that won't hurt you, just give it over and let go. If he fails, he's the one who'll be hurt by it. Also, if there's the possibility to set up automatic payments for any/all bills, do it!! That way no one has to remember or nag. My strategy has been to make our mortgage an automatic withdrawal, I pay all the house bills bc DH just won't, but his private bills (cell phone, his car, etc) are his domain. I don't ask or remind. He actually burned himself by forgetting to renew our car insurance, and realizing that he was driving our son around, uninsured, for four months made him so embarrassed he learned his lesson. (Sort of.) it was a much better lesson than me scolding him. I understand how frustrating this is, and how much of a turn-off it can be when a man acts like a kid. Give him a chance to man up on his own and he might surprise you! Good luck!
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