Family Matters
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ILs visiting

How do y'all handle ILs visiting?

I get sick of the ILs visiting or us visiting them. They live 4 hours away, and because of that, they stay at our house for 2 nights with their yappy dog. This is really hard when we both work full time and have two kids we want to enjoy a weekend with. They've seen our 5 month old 4 times, and we are also going to see them (either they come to us or we drive there) for previously planned things in September, November, twice in December, and New Year's Eve and day. They want to come this weekend too!! I'm over it.

Anyone else?

Re: ILs visiting

  • You CAN say "Sorry, this isn't a good weekend for us".

    If your DH isn't cool with this, though, then this is more about him than it is them.

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • Yes, he is caught in the middle, because I do say "no" to him and he's the one communicating. Definitely agree with what you're saying. They wanted to come 2 weeks after baby was born. Said a big fat no to that one. It's just always "when's the next time to come?" And from March (when baby was born) to December is 9 WEEKENDS. So yeah.

    Thank you for your response! :)
  • If he's on the same page with you, though, just being the "communicator" isn't really being in the middle. If he wants to say yes to them even though you say no - THAT'S what puts him in the middle.
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • He would say yes if I didn't say no. But he accepts my answer and tells them. Sorry if I wasn't clear, but I was asking how other people handle ILs visiting. Didn't mean to be critiqued on how DH and I communicate it.
  • We're not directly in the same situation because my IL and my parents all live within a 15 minute radius, however sometimes we still just want Family time with our 2 boys and us. DH and I usually will say something like "Oh you know this weekend just does not work but maybe in the next two weeks?"

    I understand that with you its majorly different because you're then required to host over night guests but since they are his parents and your childrens' grandparents unfortunately sometimes you have to bite the bullet and suck it up..
  • I WISH my ILs would visit at all or even my own family would visit us more. I really do. It got old after years of visiting them at least once a month. And both families live 3-4 hours away without traffic.

    If they want to continue to visit can they stay in a hotel? Do they stay in a hotel already? When my family does visit I could handle a longer visit from them (and it would be much more enjoyable for DH and I) if they stayed in a hotel. Sadly my family can't afford one. They can hardly scrounge up the time and money to visit us but they make it happen.
  • I think pp made a good point. I live very far from my inlaws now (and I'm glad!) They haven't come to visit us yet, but I've already told DH that if they do, they're not staying with us. It's just too much work, and we have a toddler and another on the way. If I got along with them really well, maybe I'd let them stay with us, but as it is, one evening is usually all I can tolerate. I need my alone time and privacy, and I'd hate to fall asleep knowing that my MIL was lurking in another room!! I guess all you can do is keep putting your foot down and only say yes to a visit when you really mean it. I understand you wanting family time, it's very precious to me too! And sometimes you just want to have a lazy family breakfast in your Jammies!
  • Luckily ours don't visit that often, thank God! We only see my family maybe 3-4 times a year and my husband's family 2-3 times a year (they live 6 hours away, mine only live 3). 

    However, if they did try to visit often, which might happen when we have kids, I have no problem with saying no. 
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