Hello. I am in my mid-twenties, just married a few weeks ago, and my house is starting to feel more like prison. Prior to my wedding, my 30 year old sister arranged to come with her 18-month old baby to escape a destructive and unsafe living arrangement. My husband and I knew that helping her would be difficult, as she's made many poor decisions in the past that have led to massive debt, unhealthy relationships, and several instances of her picking up and starting again in a new town 4-5 times. We both wanted my sister and niece to live in a safe environment and felt that if we could help her find a job and get established quickly, she would be on her feet within 2-3 months.
However, we are 6+ weeks in, and we are no closer to independence than the day she arrived. She does pick up a lot around the house, but plainly refuses to cook her own meals. Anytime that my husband and I have gone out for dinner and I haven't made it, she feeds her daughter only cheerios or kraft mac and cheese - leaving me feeling compelled to plan dinner around her family. She has stolen from both of my parents in the past, so we keep our bedroom and closet always locked, which is uncomfortable for me and a constant stress as I always leave and forget to lock my bedroom and it annoys my husband who is concerned for our privacy given her past indiscretions. She has totaled/lost 5 cars in 14 years and now is relying on the bus, which is her excuse for never leaving the house as well as one of her most vocal and incessant complaints. She has applied for some jobs, but spends most of her daytime cleaning, watching our Netflix, smoking, or napping.
Given her history, I do realize it was not wise to expect for anything to be different about this time... but I was really hoping that her baby's reliance would motivate her to become a more productive member of society. I don't know what to do here, but I cannot continue to live with her, rent-free and constantly complaining for another 4 or 5 months... or worse. If one of your friends got themselves into this situation... what would you tell them to do? I am worried that soon my relationship with my husband (which has been solid and cheerful for almost 6 years) will be negatively affected. We are both seriously unhappy with how things are going but feel very stuck because we don't know what to do with her or how she could make it otherwise.
Please note - I have talked with her twice about being disappointed about her progress and her seeming lack of motivation. She responded very emotionally and I ended up feeling guilty for days without any real improvement on her actions.