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I think porns hurting our marriage...

We've been married for 20 yrs. Our sex life has been good until a month or so ago. We do occasionally watched porn together but I just found out my husband has been watching porn every day for the awhile now by himself. For the last month, he can not have an orgasm in me unless he puts on a DVD he made of porn. It has to be the same DVD, every night & if we don't put it on..he won't have an orgasm. He will try & try, then get frustrated & say he's to tired. I'm worried & starting to feel that he doesn't desire me anymore. I'm no young girl & I've had 4 kids, do you think he wants what's on the porn? He tells me not to worry but he hasn't had a orgasm in me for 3 days now. I am worried...Some advice....

Re: I think porns hurting our marriage...

  • He's watching it every day? Meaning he's probably masturbating every day? The pleasure is gone if you do it too much. He needs to take a break. 

    You could also try different positions/foreplay. Maybe role play?  Watch that DVD with him and discuss it, like what about it does he like? You don't have to do anything your not comfortable with, but knowing what turns him on might help.

    Also, is he taking medication of any kind? Sometimes they can inhibit your sex drive.

    Definitely communicate your feelings though. 
  • I would try communication first or maybe having him see a doctor to see if it is something else that porn might be helping to cover.
  •  For the last month, he can not have an orgasm in me unless he puts on a DVD he made of porn. It has to be the same DVD, every night & if we don't put it on..he won't have an orgasm. He will try & try, then get frustrated & say he's to tired. I'm worried & starting to feel that he doesn't desire me anymore. I'm no young girl & I've had 4 kids, do you think he wants what's on the porn? He tells me not to worry but he hasn't had a orgasm in me for 3 days now. I am worried...Some advice....
    Do you mean he hasn't ejaculated inside of you or do you mean he hasn't had an orgasm while inside you? They are 2 separate entities. A man can have an orgasm without ejaculating. So I am guessing you mean ejaculation.

    There sounds like he's got a problem with porn.

    Watching it is one thing -- that's neither here nor there and in itself no big deal or big problem --- but when he can't perform unless porn is involved then I say there is a problem.

    It isn't what he *wants" that's on the porn and it isn't that you think he wants you to do all of that...NOPE.

    It sounds to me like he is developing some sort of sexual dysfunction due to the porn.

    And it also sounds like he might be developing a habit.

    What you can do -- and a couple of options:

    1-Tell him "the porn goes or I and the kids do; make your choice right now." An addiction is a dealbreaker.

    If he does not choose you and the kids and start seeing a sex therapist to rectify the problem -- and also go to a 12 step progrram to get clean of his addiction --- AND if he doesn't quit the porn, then you have your answer.

    You're better off without him.

    2-Tell him "I love you but not the fact you can't get fired up and get  busy without watching that porn DVD. Therefore, I am out of here with the kids UNTIL you clean up your act." And then GO.

    This is the same thing as an  addict to a "conventional" substance: an addiction is an addiction.

    3-Demand he see a sex therapist and that he see one with you and without you. If you want to stay with him while he is working to rectify the problem, that is up to you.

    I'd personally have to think twice about staying with a guy who is developing a sexual problem due to porn. Thtat's my take on it.
    doeydo
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