Family Matters
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Living Arrangements

Hello All,

Firstly I am a newbie to this site so Hi, but I figured I would love to hear what others opinions are on my H and mines current situation, which is driving me to become something I absolutely hate.  

We were married in dec 2012, definitely newlyweds

So our current living situation: we live in his parents 2/2 condo (we pay the HOA 600 monthly, utilities and taxes), they live overseas and come once a year for up to a month at a time (yes it gets very tight, we get to sleep on the coach and everything of ours goes into suitcases). We were given a mortgage offer but not in the amount of what my H was hoping for, unfortunately we live in SFLA so housing is expensive. On top of it all I work for him, so we really are with each other all the time. 

Now recently my SIL moved in and is also working with us. Now she does clean up and cook, and does gets paid very little at work. Otherwise we pay for everything, her cell phone, food, etc..

Now it probably would be a bit okay, but in the past when she has come she has made some situation REALLY uncomfortable. She started dating a guy here who turned out to be a criminal, and she would twist a lot of things that H would say and tell the "boyfriend." Which made H very upset not to mention being upset just because he didn't like the guy from the get go (which made him wonderful to be around when he was upset). Though, Thankfully after her last visit  she broke up with him.

H has that big brother mentality, so he has that fatherly instinct. ;/

So she is now back living with us, she drive H's car everywhere, leaving us with one car. With our living arrangements and working I now get almost no personal space, which truthfully for me was my drive to and from work, which I swear kept me sane (work gets stressful). He told the family he would take on the responsibility of getting her a car, since his parents did it for him (Wiping the slate clean, sort to speak). Which I told him we could not sign for a car for her (our two car and my student loans have us in enough debt keeping us from getting the mortgage we want), and we don't currently have the money to just buy a car outright for her.

Then, we had quite an argument over the whole situation and  he goes out and vents to her, she already know our entire financial situation. I understand how he misses his family, but this is getting to be too much.

I have become so irritable and stressed, that I am pretty brash even when I don't intend to be. I feel horrible because H is completely stuck in the middle of trying to appease his family and me. Sorry the story is all over the place, there is just so much going on, that I don't know what to do.

/Vent

I really look froward to hearing from an outsider, maybe I really am being non-sympathetic b!+ch to my husband. 




Re: Living Arrangements

  • You all need separation from his family.  Move, find a place that is truly YOURS.  Not his parents. 

    His sister- HE needs to realize that he's doing her no favors by buying everything for her.  She pays no rent, and gets everything handed to her?  SHe's an adult.  This is ridiculous. 

    THEN he goes and vents to her about your arguement AND she knows your finances?

    Why on earth did you marry him?  I really doubt this is all "new" after you married him. 


    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • Are you saying South Florida area? Or San Fransico area?

    If it's FL I'm not buying that you can't find a place to live, rent some place. Y'all have to get out of your inlaws roof, leave SIL behind and STOP paying for her crap. She is not his daughter, his wife or his responsibility. She is an adult and has to be an adult. He isn't doing her any favors.

    This also sounds like a cultural issue, you married into it and it's part of who he is. If so, you have a choice to make; stay with him and deal with it or leave and never do this again.
  • Why do you work for your husband? Why did you agree to move in with his family? That sounds like a TERRIBLE idea. Why are you putting up with paying for his sister? You have a voice and are his wife. Speak up for yourself! You need space, alone time, mobility, and other normal adult things. If you're meekly putting up with this in real life and then venting online you did this to yourself.
  • No, most people would be going insane, me included.
    Is it possible to get another job?
    He had no right to tell his family that he would just "get a car" for her without asking you-that's kinda a huge thing to give!
    Your H should not be appeasing his family to the point of your having no space. Everyone goes nuts when they have no *me* time.

  • I would get a job outside the family business that was mine and mine alone.  And then I would tell DH it's time to get your own place.  SIL can deal with her own money issues.  She's an adult.  Doing it for her won't help her grow up.
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