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crappy day vent / dh vent (long)

Work: So I broke my glasses. I had to sellotape them back together. I was adjusting them because DH said they were crooked. Now I don't know when i'll be able to get them properly fixed. Then at work I was making desserts for a table, and the mixed fruit can pretty much exploded all over me. So not only was I sticky for most of the night, I was pretty pissed off. Then I dropped the ice cream carton, which started leaking all over the floor. Then some bastard broke a jar of maraschino cherries in the fridge and wouldnt fess up to it, so I had to clean all the cans of lager and bottles of wine. I had to wait on 12 drunken customers wanting a carry out, and they couldnt decide what they wanted. They stood there for around a half hour just leering at me while I was behind the bar. DH: We were having a discussion about our future plans, since it was pretty quiet most of the night at work. He said he'd rather be a hobo than have to save (his) money for his visa. He said it's too much hassle to move over to the states. Then he started talking about lighting pedophiles on fire while I was trying to talk to him about getting on a budget so we could move in the near future. He said it wasnt possible because of all my medications. I only take zantac (by prescription) for my acid reflux, and my nicotine patches (which are a lot cheaper than just buying smokes). Then he says he doesn't want to have a baby until after we've got his visa paid off. He expects me to save my wages for 2 years to pay for his fees, the plane tickets and living expenses in the states. If I save every penny I make in the next two years, we'll have plenty to live on for a year back in michgian. Of course he doesnt want to help. GRRR I talk about having children before we go back over (we're looking at a good 7 year stay here), and he said he wants to wait 10 years. He suddenly changed his mind, and its driving me crazy. Then he wonders why I was glaring at him and not talking. Why are men so lazy and irritating?? Or is it just my DH that thinks he can live off his parents the rest of his life??
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Re: crappy day vent / dh vent (long)

  • sorry it keeps lumping my paragraphs into one long one. I dont know how to fix it :(
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  • :o( i'm sorry!

    do you and your DH have separate bank accounts? i think you guys need to have a serious discussion on what each of you view as "mine" vs "ours". he might just be lashing out because the move seems like a HUGE deal and it stresses him out to think about the little details (and big ones, like money).

    {{{{hugs}}}}

  • yeah, we do. my bank account is in the states, and his bank account is here in scotland. We haven't had time to set up a joint account for our finances. I told him that when we married, everything became joint. I think he's been sheltered too much. He didnt  have many serious girlfriends prior to us getting married, and never bought anything as a "couple" so that could be part of his mine vs yours issue.

    He's worried about money because we're also opening our little takeaway here in galashiels, and we're behind schedule. His parents are also retiring in a year or two, and because he's the only son in the family, he's expected to take care of them financially once they're done working. Its a chinese tradition thing i guess. I don't understand it, but its been stressed upon us.

    I'm just tired of fighting with him over making solid plans. He's VERY laid back, and i'm more of an organizer/planner. Opposites attract!

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  • I'm sorry yesterday was such a bad day.  DH and I are opposites as well, often it works very well, but occasionally we really get into it.  The things I love most about him can also drive me crazy sometimes Stick out tongue.
    Proverbs 3:5-6
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    After 3 years living abroad, we are back in NOVA.
  • Ugh - it sounds like you had a very rough day :-(

    I had similar financial issues with my DH, even once we opened a joint account. DH would spend money the way he did before we got married, and I wanted to save more money for larger expenditures, especially since we knew we wanted to move abroad. What helped us, was to set very specific spending goals, which both of us had to stick to. If your DH is expected to care for his parents in a few years, and since you're opening up your own business, make sure you sit down together (and this can absolutely be over a glass of wine) and work out how much income you have (combined, of course) each month, how much your monthly expenditures are (on average), and how much is left. Then take a third to half of that amount, and put that in savings. This is the money you will save together for both his parents' retirement (his priority) and the visa/move back to the US (your priority). I would suggest getting a joint savings account, since you are then both accountable to each other for any money put into (and taken out of!) that account. 

    I think your DH might just be suffering from stress, or a bad week, just like you might be. Try and plan a quiet night, and don't bring up any of these issues. Wait until your DH and you yourself have had a bit of time to calm down, so that you can discuss your future seriously, rather than attacking each other's ideas or priorities. 

    Good luck!

  • I just think i'll not talk about it until after my dentist appointment, and set a budget. Ive come up with a plan to cut back on our entertainment/food consumption. Most of our money is going toward food, since we're in his parent's house at the moment. Hopefully we'll get it all sorted. If not, i'll come back for more friendly IN advice. Thanks so much ladies.
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