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DH vent

I told my DH about my appointment with the specialist briefly when he called to tell me he was heading out soon and wanted to go out to eat when he got home. That was Tuesday. He managed not to talk about it that night at dinner, or the next day, so I brought it up last night after I got back from my Pilates class. He said to me "well, you told me everything there was to know, we?ll talk about it on the weekend." and goes on to talk about his work (which he does every night). In fact, I feel like all he ever talks about now is his work or the degree he?s working on. Is it so wrong for me to want to talk about what the doctor said, and any future baby plans? We have talked about my last miscarriage/having children TWICE since it happened in December, and I had to bring it up.
mc: 5w3d 11/11/07 missed mc: 7w or 8w, d/c @11w 4/16/08 mc: 6wks 12/24/08 Pregnancy Ticker

Re: DH vent

  • I know my DH works differently to me. I love/need/want to talk about things but he doesn't. He likes to just get through them and then one day let it all finally get to him and then he gets angry. I think women/men at least me and DH are wired differently.

    I'm sorry you're not getting the support/discussions you want from your DH. Throwing himself into work/study is probably his way of 'dealing' with the emotions. I know the fact we're having trouble conceiving is really hard for my DH but because he has little control over it he prefers to not think about it. Rightly or wrongly it's his way. I know he cares as much as me but talking about it doesn't help him the way it helps me.

  • I agree with Loopy that it is probably a way to deal with his emotions.  They have this need to be the strong one, and my DH frequently says, "if I talked about issue X like you did, I would be crying all the time.  That wouldn't help."

    It is an issue that is very important to you, and although your DH knows that, maybe try hitting that home.  Maybe the weekend is a better time though for him to talk, when he doesn't have work to think about as well.  I have learned that I can't talk to DH about important matters until the weekend, his mind just isn't really all there during the work week.

     Good luck getting your DH to talk about it.  He does care :)

  • I think some guys just don't talk about that kind of stuff.  I think let him know you want to have a "proper" chat about it and hopefully he will agree.  GL!
    ?Transatlantic Blonde?
    it's called a kilt, he's scottish
  • Does he know that you want/need to talk about it?  Maybe he thinks its too painful for you to discuss?  Just tell him you need to work through this with him and I am sure he will lend an ear.  Good luck to you!

  • Thanks ladies! I think you are probably right on all counts. I?ll try bringing it up tomorrow when he doesn?t have to think about work. Maybe that will help.
    mc: 5w3d 11/11/07 missed mc: 7w or 8w, d/c @11w 4/16/08 mc: 6wks 12/24/08 Pregnancy Ticker
  • Yup, that is exactly my DH too. ?Once he has all the facts, he's done with the discussion. ?He never sees a need to talk about how the facts affect our lives. ?Since we can't change the facts, why talk about them? ?That's the typical male stance, I think!
  • Alycone hit it spot on for me - ever since I was diagnosed DH has done fact finding missions, but when it comes to sitting down and chatting about our lives and our future he's not quite as talkative. ?
  • Mine's the opposite. All I have to do is not smile and he's all 'what's wrong, let's talk'. It drives me up the wall sometimes but I know he cares so I can't get mad. Usually I don't want to talk because I'm happy with the information I have, it's something that I find hard to talk about or I don't really know what to say and if I don't articulate myself well, I might upset him. Sometimes I need a little time to sort out how to express myself - I can't do that on difficult personal issues on the fly.

    I'm sure your DH does care he's just not communicating in the way you need him to. I hope you get the support that you need because it sounds like things are tough for you.


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