Married Life
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Why did you want to get married?

Everywhere you look, the media is talking about the end of marriage and citing statistics that fewer people than ever are getting married. But, most of us still want to get married even though we don't "have" to nowadays.

Why did you marry vs. live together? Was it for security, financial reasons, sex, having kids, being seen as an "adult," love, or all of that and more? Thanks!


Re: Why did you want to get married?

  • Mrs.H.Mrs.H. member
    Ancient Membership 2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Because I was in love with him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We both want to be the one who can be by the others side in ANY situation and marriage gives us the right.
  • image Mrs.H.:
    Because I was in love with him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We both want to be the one who can be by the others side in ANY situation and marriage gives us the right.

    this. Plus, because of my religious views, living together indefinitely without being married was not an option. We did live together after we were engaged but before we were married however. 

  • You know, people SAY that fewer people are getting married, but I don't know who those people are. I don't know of any of my friends or family who don't want to get married. People are getting married later than they used to, that is true. But I'm wondering if it really is the case that fewer people want to get married at all vs. people who are just waiting to get married.
  • It is against our religion to live together before marriage, so we got hitched. We figured "we love each other, are already engaged, and want to spend our lives together," so we moved the wedding date up (from 3 years to 1 year).

    We would have inevitably gotten married though. We didn't think it made sense for us to each spend money on seperate housing when we were with each other most of the time already.

    image
  • vpinevpine member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its

    Both DH and I had lived with our exes and we both agreed that it's not the same as being married. In my case, I feel it's easier to walk out when you're just living together, I didn't feel the same level of commitment. So DH and I did not live together before marriage.

    Since I was little I knew I wanted to get married one day, I wanted someone to share and spend my life with. I found someone who I fell in love with, someone I didn't get bored of, someone who had the same goals in mind and we're very similar in personality (no opposites here). I wanted my family to like and approve of DH and when my dad liked him, it meant a lot to me, I wouldn't marry someone they hated or disliked because I do believe parents have your best interest at heart and can notice things we might not want to see in our S/O. We want to start a family because we want to have a child to love and raise. 


  • image Mrs.H.:
    Because I was in love with him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We both want to be the one who can be by the others side in ANY situation and marriage gives us the right.

    This exactly. H and I have pretty much ALWAYS been together, we have dealt with pretty much everything together and this made us family for one another. We got married when the right time finally came for us to actually BE family, before the law, the world and everything in between.  


  • For us, it was just the next logical step, we were in love and knew we wanted to be together forever. My H and I were high school sweethearts (apparently when we were 16 he asked my mom what she thought about us getting married someday, lol), and lived separately up until my last semester of college (5 yrs), when we found a new apartment for us to move in together (about 2 yrs).

     Then we bought a house and once my now H finished up school he was offered a job that will put him on track to his dream job...on the other side of the country...the same week that I had been offered a major promotion at work. We had a big decision to make. We could have tried the long distance thing, but didn't think that would be a solution long term, or we could both move to a new state where we don't know anyone and start fresh. In the end, after thinking about it long and hard, I told him I'd move across the country with him. That same day he proposed while we were on a hike together (it was our last weekend together before he moved). He said his reasoning was that if I was willing to move halfway across the country for him, despite everyone telling me I was crazy, he was ready to make a similar commitment.

    Sorry, that was longer than expected!
    ?Laugh whenever you can. Keeps you from killing yourself when things are bad. That and vodka.?
  • H and I had been living together 5 yrs before we decided to get married. We just decided it was finally time to get married and commit to one another. I also wanted a big diamond to wear! Wink I did struggle with the whole idea of commitment when we were trying to put a deposit on a wedding place but I just pushed through it (therapy) and remembered the reasons that I was doing it. We don't plan on ever having a family except for us and our dog so it will always just be the two of us and I'm loving it!
  • We decided to have kids together and wanted all the legal protections that come with marriage.

     

    Also, being married isn't the same as living together for many people. The additional time and steps and emotional/social weight required to get divorced can affect your mentality during a marriage and help resolve conflicts that may have split up an unmarried couple. Not always, but there's something mentally different.

  • We had lived together for 3 years before getting married, and we were together for 8 years total. We both knew that we wanted to take that next step in our lives and quit living as "roommates" and start a household and family together.

    Although neither of us have ever regretted waiting 8 years to get married. We were both able to live separately, find ourselves, and get established in our careers. All before adding the pressures of marriage and starting a family.

    I think now people are affraid of marriage.  It has received a negative image in many eyes, and people are waiting longer to be fully committed to another person.

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  • It was a no-brainer for us.  We're both somewhat traditional to the extent of it being important to us personally to be married when we start our family.  We had gone through many trials while unwed and weathered just fine, stronger than we were before.  We truly became each other's best friend and wanted the societal definition of permanence.  I just simply can't imagine not being married to each other.
  • image WendyGR:

    image Mrs.H.:
    Because I was in love with him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We both want to be the one who can be by the others side in ANY situation and marriage gives us the right.

    this. Plus, because of my religious views, living together indefinitely without being married was not an option. We did live together after we were engaged but before we were married however. 

    This plus I saw what a pain it is to buy a house, cars, children, etc without being married. There is a lot legal work that has to be done. Marriage was important to us, due to our religion. We beleive God love marriage.
  • I love my husband and I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. I also did not want to have children out of wedlock. It was important that we be a family before baby.

  • GilliCGilliC member
    Ancient Membership 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    He needed a visa.

    We were planning to get married eventually, but we did it a lot earlier than planned because of immigration issues.  I always wondered if we would have made it to the wedding if we weren't already married.  Now that we're divorced, it makes you wonder even more. 

    This time around, BF and I have no plans to get married.  Why bother?

    image
  • We didn't feel like family until we were married.  We love one another and wanted to spend our lives as a family unit and have children and all share a name.

    We lived together and combined our finances for 4 years before we got married so none of that stuff factored in.

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  • We are getting married next month.

    We got engaged because FI's job at a private boarding school wouldn't allow me to stay over night if we weren't. We set the date for this summer so we could officialy live together for the following school year.

    We planned to be married eventually and this just seemed like the best time. A lot of people get annoyed and say we are to young(Im 21 and hes 24) and made the decision for the wrong reasons but I think if anything we actually had to plan and make a huge life decision together which seems pretty adult to me.

    I love him. I want to be married. I want to be with him forever. I want children. I want to share his last name.


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  • We are getting married next March and I can't wait. He is my best friend and makes me so happy. I can't imagine my future without him
    Soon-to-be-Mrs Targett
  • GilliCGilliC member
    Ancient Membership 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    image jenny1500:
    We are getting married next March and I can't wait. He is my best friend and makes me so happy. I can't imagine my future without him

    What do any of those things have to do with getting married?

    If you don't marry him, he'll stop being your best friend?  If you don't marry him, he'll stop making you happy?  Or is it that if you don't marry him, one of you might leave and he won't be part of your future?

    image
  • GilliC, you ask good questions. What changes just because you get married (or don't), Those are the kinds of things we need to think deeper about if we want to marry smarter (or at least more consciously).

    Jenny, is being someone's "best friend" a strong enough foundation to build a marriage on?

  • Because we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and wanted the public commitment and all the legal benefits of marriage.

    We were already living together, having sex, and in love, so we didn't get married for those reasons, except in so much as we wanted those things to continue. 

  • We, my fiancee and I are not married yet. We haven't set a date or anything haven't really discussed any aspect of marriage except kids. Now most of you are probably reading this confused. I should probably start off by saying my fiancee and I are lesbians. We don't have the money to do anything extravagant or flashy and that isn't how we are to begin with. More child focused then anything. We decided to get married because we want a life together, a happy life together with someone who understand us. We want to be loved and cherished. Just like everyone does. 

    Oh and i should probably point out we're literally just teenagers (i'm almost 20 she's almost 16) so yes even though we're young we know what we want. 

  • My husband and I lived together for almost two years before we got married, so a few of the reasons listed in the OP don't apply. I married DH because there is nothing I want to do without him by my side. I just love him bunches.

     

    Also, a huge reason I wanted to get married is because we live very far away from my family. I was scared that if I got in a bad accident, and had to be in the hospital, that he wouldn't be able to go back there with me, or vice versa. I know that's a lame reason... but it's true.

     

    I also love that DH and I are family now. No if's, and's, or but's about it.  I love sharing the same last name, and I love that we are officially a family unit.

    photo 9bee575d-3991-440a-992a-d05a744b259f.jpg
  • image kentuckygirls:

    We, my fiancee and I are not married yet. We haven't set a date or anything haven't really discussed any aspect of marriage except kids. Now most of you are probably reading this confused. I should probably start off by saying my fiancee and I are lesbians. We don't have the money to do anything extravagant or flashy and that isn't how we are to begin with. More child focused then anything. We decided to get married because we want a life together, a happy life together with someone who understand us. We want to be loved and cherished. Just like everyone does. 

    Oh and i should probably point out we're literally just teenagers (i'm almost 20 she's almost 16) so yes even though we're young we know what we want. 

    Wow, you are babies! Babies having babies. 

    photo 9bee575d-3991-440a-992a-d05a744b259f.jpg
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