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Brand New Hubby out of town, not sure how to deal with blues.

My husband and I have been married for 2 weeks! :-) I just put him on a plane out of state for a week. :-(. I'm trying to be loving and supportive. I am really proud of him: He is a recent college grad in the avionics field ( elcetrical stuff in airplanes) and graduated top of his class. As a result he had an opportunity to go to a helicopter workshop/recruiting event  out of state. I'm selfishly a little resentful that this workshop is so soon after the wedding. Feels like he's gone on a honeymoon without me, but as I said, I'm trying to get the selfish brat in me to shut up and just be a supportive loving proud wife. Anyone have similar experience or advice for how to muddle through these next 6 days and/or at least silence the selfish blues?

Re: Brand New Hubby out of town, not sure how to deal with blues.

  • You're kidding me --- don't you have a hobby? Aren't you a reader or have something constructive to do with your free time until he gets back?

    If not, get something to do!

    You need your own life "away" from your H, anyway, even after he returns from being away for this or for that --- join a gym, indulge in a hobby (we all need a place to blow off steam), take some walks, volunteer for a good cause, rollerblade, ride your bike or read a good book --- those are just a few suggestions.
  • I agree with PP. I have a job where I'm out of town about once a month anywhere from 3-5 days, and once a year or so I'm out of the country for 1-2 weeks. I get that you're a newlywed, but really--the sooner you find some hobbies of your own the better off you'll be in the long run!
  • imageWendyGR:
    I agree with PP. I have a job where I'm out of town about once a month anywhere from 3-5 days, and once a year or so I'm out of the country for 1-2 weeks. I get that you're a newlywed, but really--the sooner you find some hobbies of your own the better off you'll be in the long run!

    All of this!  And please don't be whiny about him gone when you talk to him on the phone, or text him incessantly.  There is nothing more annoying than acting clingy.  Get together with friends, watch some chick flicks, exercise- whatever. 

  • wow ok, no need to be rude ladies. I was looking for support and advice not to be made to feel worse. I was honest in my post and hoped to get some compassionate advice rather than to be made to feel like an idiot for feeling the way I do. clearly this isn't the place for that.
  • imageFutureMrsJordanBivins:
    My husband and I have been married for 2 weeks! :-) I just put him on a plane out of state for a week. :-(. I'm trying to be loving and supportive. I am really proud of him: He is a recent college grad in the avionics field ( elcetrical stuff in airplanes) and graduated top of his class. As a result he had an opportunity to go to a helicopter workshop/recruiting event  out of state. I'm selfishly a little resentful that this workshop is so soon after the wedding. Feels like he's gone on a honeymoon without me, but as I said, I'm trying to get the selfish brat in me to shut up and just be a supportive loving proud wife. Anyone have similar experience or advice for how to muddle through these next 6 days and/or at least silence the selfish blues?

     Sounds like you are too clingy, I hate to say it but the best option for you is to get a divorce

  • I hardly think divorce is appropriate. 

     

    Mrs. Jordan,  I bet your husband misses you too. You should keep yourself busy so that he doesn't have to worry about you. When he returns and sees how strong you've been he will be so proud. <3

    Maybe you can do a craft project? Is there any scrapbooking of the wedding that you want to do? 

  • GilliCGilliC member
    Ancient Membership 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    imageFutureMrsJordanBivins:
    Anyone have similar experience or advice for how to muddle through these next 6 days and/or at least silence the selfish blues?

    I've had some similar experiences.  My H wanted us to do everything together, so I practically gave up all of my hobbies after a few years of marriage.  When he'd leave town, I didn't know what to do with myself.  I did, however, take comfort in the fact that I could watch cheesy chick flicks without him complaining or making fun of me.

    It turns out he was kind of a jerk for being less encouraging, and I was being kind of a wimp for giving up my own identity.  So I picked up some of my old hobbies, and then whenever he left town, I used the chance to curl up with a book, work on a craft project, or hang out with friends he didn't really like.

    You had a life before you met your H.  Just do whatever you used to do back then!  (...Unless it was something like getting drunk in bars and giving blowjobs to strange men.  In that case, I suggest you explore a new hobby.)

    image
  • It's normal and healthy (for yourself and your marriage) to have your own hobbies outside of your marriage. 
  • I take that time to do all the things I love that he isn't a fan of. Make a meal that I love but he doesn't like, watch some cheesy tv or movies, set up my quilting project in the living room and take up tons of space. If I'm feeling lonely, I'll meet up with my friend to go walk our dogs together, or go to dinner with my mom. Whatever appeals to you.

    I get that it is early in your marriage and that is disappointing and you wanted the newlywed feeling to last a little longer. What about taking the time to plan a surprise for him? Maybe a little weekend trip, or even just a fun evening out for when he comes back?

  • Take this time to hang out with your girlfriends. I bet you haven't been able to spend time with them very much because of wedding planing. Have a girl's night (or weekend) and catch up with them.

    Being a supportive wife doesn't mean sitting at home and sulking while your H is away.

    image
  • Hang out with friends? Or like PPs are saying, find some hobbies while he is away. Do you work?
    Anniversary
  • imageFutureMrsJordanBivins:
    wow ok, no need to be rude ladies. I was looking for support and advice not to be made to feel worse. I was honest in my post and hoped to get some compassionate advice rather than to be made to feel like an idiot for feeling the way I do. clearly this isn't the place for that.

    I don't think anyone was being rude, just straight forward and direct.

  • You have to lose that attitude.  Most people don't like it when their loved ones are away (regardless of how soon after the wedding it is!).  But you have an obligation, as his wife, to be supportive and loving.  It's likely just as difficult for him as it is for you.  And if this is a workshop/training seminar, it's the farthest thing from him being on a "honeymoon without you."

    As far as getting through the next few days - read a book, take a bath, get a pedicure, exercise, eat take-out, etc.  You have free reign to do what you want, when you want so take advantage of it.

     

  • imageJim&Jaime:

    imageFutureMrsJordanBivins:
    wow ok, no need to be rude ladies. I was looking for support and advice not to be made to feel worse. I was honest in my post and hoped to get some compassionate advice rather than to be made to feel like an idiot for feeling the way I do. clearly this isn't the place for that.

    I don't think anyone was being rude, just straight forward and direct.

    Agreed (with the exception of the poster who suggested divorce).  Sometimes the best advice is the hardest to hear.  OP - wouldn't you rather solid, straightforward advice than have us blow smoke up your butt?  You really need to assess how you're handling this and put in the effort to make it better.  Most everyone gave you good advice, just because it's not what you want to hear doesn't make us all rude.  It sucks that he is away, but put your chin up and make the best of it!  Good luck!

  • Well, since my husband is currently on deployment #6 for 8-10 months defending our country, I think your week apart is ridiculous.  Get a hobby.  Get a job.  Go to school.  See friends.  Do something.  But seriously?????
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • imageLoveIsOnlySleeping:

    imageFutureMrsJordanBivins:
    My husband and I have been married for 2 weeks! :-) I just put him on a plane out of state for a week. :-(. I'm trying to be loving and supportive. I am really proud of him: He is a recent college grad in the avionics field ( elcetrical stuff in airplanes) and graduated top of his class. As a result he had an opportunity to go to a helicopter workshop/recruiting event  out of state. I'm selfishly a little resentful that this workshop is so soon after the wedding. Feels like he's gone on a honeymoon without me, but as I said, I'm trying to get the selfish brat in me to shut up and just be a supportive loving proud wife. Anyone have similar experience or advice for how to muddle through these next 6 days and/or at least silence the selfish blues?

     Sounds like you are too clingy, I hate to say it but the best option for you is to get a divorce

     

    why does every post of yours I have read suggest divorce? She misses her new husband! That's not grounds for anything! 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • LOL @ Gilli's life-before-husband advice!
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  • We have been married 2, together 5 years, and the last 3 years hubz has worked a seasonal job, here in MI weather really dictates if they can work ( masonry, restoration work) so during the working season he is gone from early 3 AM Mon. morning until middle of the night Thurs. I miss him, but have gotten used to my solitude days, of course it more than makes up for winter layoff when he is home 3-4 months every day straight. It isn't always easy, but for me the hardest part? not having him sleeping next to me. the day time I am fine by myself, is the middle of the night when I reach over and find myself cuddling something furry ( darn dogs, think on nights when he is out of town, that it means the whole bed is theirs, lol)

     I keep myself busy though, workouts , gardening, tending to our chickens, dogs, cats, deep cleaning anything in the house,so on his days home I don't HAVE to do anything. 

    So yeah, I agree with all the PP's, what is it you like to do? get together with your girls for a chick flick fest, volunteer at a local pet shelter, womens' shelter, catch up on your reading. bubble baths. oh the possibilites are endless :P 

    tough titties said the kitty but the milks still good!! Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • So sorry every one was so rude. After two weeks of marriage it would be odd if you were completely fine with him leaving. I usually work on our photo albums online,cook freezer meals, read books, go on walks, watch movies my husband refuses to watch with me, Skype with my husband or text him pictures of what I'm doing every once in a while. feel free to text him but also know he is busy. I hate when my husband goes out of town but it reminds us of how much we enjoy being around eachother. You should find hobbies to do separate from your spouse But it's understandable not to have any idea what to do this early in marriage... you're establishing new boundaries and schedules.  And you're his wife. . you're not being clingy that's ridiculous. just ignore the negative posts. . sorry this is late but hope I helped! 
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