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Confessions

2»

Re: Confessions

  • EliStarEliStar member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    image GilliC:

    I went to the movies by myself so I could see Fast and the Furious 6!  I couldn't subject someone else to watching it!

    Fast cars and Vin Diesel and Michel Rodriguez are so much fun that I don't care if Paul Walker and The Rock can't act their way out of a box.  I could have done with more driving and less fighting, though.

    I LOVED this movie. Bad acting but the movie was so much mindless fun. 


    image image
              Elizabeth Salom (elistar)'s book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)

  • I confess that annoyed at the fact that my MIL showed my BIL and FSIL's engagement photos to DH's exwife and we didn't even know that they had them done.  Oh and it's been at lesat 2 weeks and we still haven't seen the pictures.  I think that I hold grudges for too long.
    my read shelf:
    Cathy (CathyL7910)'s book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
  • MrsJenEMrsJenE member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    image Young_Love:
    image MrsJenE:

    image Young_Love:
    I've had eight students expelled this year. This is more than my previous six years of teaching combined. (Which was two...total)

    Did they do really horrible things or is your school expulsion-happy? 

    Oh, they did bad things. 

    Sexual assault
    Bringing a knife to school
    Choking another student
    etc

    No

    Yea, those are bad things.  

    75 Books in 2015?
    image

    photo OutlanderMafia.jpg  
    It's slippery as waterweed.
  • I had a good one but I forgot what it was.  In lieu of that and in case I don't remember it, here's one that always garners weird looks from other people:

    I don't like fried food.

    image
  • image coughing hairballs:

    My evil plan is to have the entire NBC singing ABBA by the end of the day.

    image

    You almost had me, but now I'm singing Little Mermaid.

    Music  Poor, unfoooortunate souls!

    52 Books in 2014??
    image
    image

    imageimageimageimage

    My sweet babies:
    imageimageimageimage

  • SkeezonSkeezon member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    image 84Lauren:
    image coughing hairballs:

    My evil plan is to have the entire NBC singing ABBA by the end of the day.

    image

    You almost had me, but now I'm singing Little Mermaid.

    Music  Poor, unfoooortunate souls!

    Me too!

     

    My confession:

    I solemnly swear I'm up to no good.

    I write sexy books. I read all the books. I love dresses & macarons.

    image image image 
    image image image
  • RevJenRevJen member
    Ninth Anniversary 25000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    image sassypants527:

    I had a good one but I forgot what it was.  In lieu of that and in case I don't remember it, here's one that always garners weird looks from other people:

    I don't like fried food.

     

    I wish I didn't. 


    image

    My favorite Cake Wreck ever.


  • If my computer monitor didn't face out into the hall behind my desk I would totally be updating my resume and sending it out right now. Awful, awful week.

    I also told DH this morning that I'm really looking forward to the fun stuff we have planned tonight and tomorrow and then not leaving the house at all on Sunday. I'm hoping he gets the hint and doesn't try to schedule anyhting for us.

    Brie's Blog 10.11.08  The Top Shelf Bookshelf

    my read shelf: Brianna's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)

  • image coughing hairballs:

    I am listening to ABBA. 

    MusicWaterloo, Promise to love you forever more...

    Waterloo, couldn't escape if I wanted too...

    So how could I ever refuse, I feel like I win when I lose..Music

    image

    Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes

    Books read in 2009: 112
    Books read in 2010: 153
    Books read in 2011: 160
    Books read in 2012: 134
    Books read in 2013: 110
    Books read in 2014: 151
    Books read in 2015: 153
    Books read in 2016: 31

    Leah (packfan20)'s book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
             
                 image

    Lilypie - (Bh7p)

    http://lbdf.lilypie.com/1zWJm6.png
    <a href="//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/" style="height: 20px; width: 40px; position: absolute; opacity: 0.85; z-index: 8675309; display: none; cursor: pointer; border: medi
  • image Young_Love:

    I remember when I created my ticker at the beginning of the school year...I thought that ball and chain would never make it to the other side of the screen. NOW IT'S ALMOST THERE!

    This isn't really a confession...I just had to share my glee over the fact that I only have 10 more school days to go.

    Your last day of school and my last day of work are the same day!

    You're going to have to have extra celebratory drinks for me in two weeks, so put that on your to-do list.

    52 Books in 2014??
    image
    image

    imageimageimageimage

    My sweet babies:
    imageimageimageimage

  • 1) We've been back from vacation for a week and I still have 3 bags that I haven't unpacked.

    2) Channing Tatum and Ryan Gosling do nothing for me.  Nothing.

    Books read in 2009: 112
    Books read in 2010: 153
    Books read in 2011: 160
    Books read in 2012: 134
    Books read in 2013: 110
    Books read in 2014: 151
    Books read in 2015: 153
    Books read in 2016: 31

    Leah (packfan20)'s book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
             
                 image

    Lilypie - (Bh7p)

    http://lbdf.lilypie.com/1zWJm6.png
    <a href="//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/" style="height: 20px; width: 40px; position: absolute; opacity: 0.85; z-index: 8675309; display: none; cursor: pointer; border: medi
  • image GilliC:
    image SusieBW:
    image banda522:

    I feel like I am spiraling into an eating disorder and don't know how to stop it...

    Please talk to someone about it and get help.  Lots of people deal with issues like this, and it's great that you are recognizing warning signs early on like this.  If you feel powerless to stop it, get help.  We're all here for you.  Is it a problem that you have had before?  ((hugs))

    All of this!

    And more hugs! 

    Thank you. I feel so silly! I had an eating disorder in middle school.. It really jacked me up because I am naturally very skinny- borderline underweight. I just get disgusted at myself for how I eat. I used to eat fast food like 5 times a week for lunch, and I felt so disgusted that I hid it from DH, which made me feel even more gross and guilty. About a month ago I started going to the gym and eating healthier. Now I feel so much pressure because I am known in my circle of friends for always eating bad stuff. Like, I will order an appetizer, entree with two sides, and dessert and eat ALL of it with no problem. I feel like people expect it of me.. It is hard to explain.. Anyway, if I skip a day of going to the gym, I get knots in my stomach and I get mad at myself for not going, so I will not eat. It's not intentional, but it's like I will justify not eating because I don't "deserve" to, because I didn't work out. None of my friends will listen because, like I said, I am borderline underweight, and seem healthy to everyone. And I don't want to tell DH because I feel like he won't think it's a big deal.. He doesn't know I had an eating disorder in the past, and I remember him saying a few times that people like that are silly attention-seekers..

    Yesterday I ate an orange. Like, literally, all day, I ate one orange.. and I think 2 spoonfuls of plain yogurt.. I wasn't even hungry! So today I am trying to eat REAL food and it is grossing me out.. Like, granola and blueberries for breakfast, and then delicious pulled pork and rice and beans and a cucumber for lunch. It's right in front of me and I can't eat it because I feel disgusting for wanting so much food!

    image
  • I'm seriously about to strangle one of the managers here.  He is one of the dumbest and most condescending human beings I have ever met.  Newsflash dude, you can't be a smartass if you're not smart.  You can't be codescending when you're WRONG!  
    Anniversary
              40 books in 2014?

    image

                      2014: 4/40

    [2010: 63] [2011: 35] [2012: 23] [2013: 27]


    my read shelf:
    Stephanie's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)

  • image banda522:
    image GilliC:
    image SusieBW:
    image banda522:

    I feel like I am spiraling into an eating disorder and don't know how to stop it...

    Please talk to someone about it and get help.  Lots of people deal with issues like this, and it's great that you are recognizing warning signs early on like this.  If you feel powerless to stop it, get help.  We're all here for you.  Is it a problem that you have had before?  ((hugs))

    All of this!

    And more hugs! 

    Thank you. I feel so silly! I had an eating disorder in middle school.. It really jacked me up because I am naturally very skinny- borderline underweight. I just get disgusted at myself for how I eat. I used to eat fast food like 5 times a week for lunch, and I felt so disgusted that I hid it from DH, which made me feel even more gross and guilty. About a month ago I started going to the gym and eating healthier. Now I feel so much pressure because I am known in my circle of friends for always eating bad stuff. Like, I will order an appetizer, entree with two sides, and dessert and eat ALL of it with no problem. I feel like people expect it of me.. It is hard to explain.. Anyway, if I skip a day of going to the gym, I get knots in my stomach and I get mad at myself for not going, so I will not eat. It's not intentional, but it's like I will justify not eating because I don't "deserve" to, because I didn't work out. None of my friends will listen because, like I said, I am borderline underweight, and seem healthy to everyone. And I don't want to tell DH because I feel like he won't think it's a big deal.. He doesn't know I had an eating disorder in the past, and I remember him saying a few times that people like that are silly attention-seekers..

    Yesterday I ate an orange. Like, literally, all day, I ate one orange.. and I think 2 spoonfuls of plain yogurt.. I wasn't even hungry! So today I am trying to eat REAL food and it is grossing me out.. Like, granola and blueberries for breakfast, and then delicious pulled pork and rice and beans and a cucumber for lunch. It's right in front of me and I can't eat it because I feel disgusting for wanting so much food!

    :( That's not silly.  Please get some help for yourself.  Screw what everyone else thinks. 

    Anniversary
              40 books in 2014?

    image

                      2014: 4/40

    [2010: 63] [2011: 35] [2012: 23] [2013: 27]


    my read shelf:
    Stephanie's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)

  • MrsC7MrsC7 member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    image packfan20:

    1) We've been back from vacation for a week and I still have 3 bags that I haven't unpacked.

    I am terrible at unpacking. Suitcases will sit on my floor for weeks.

    image imageimage
  • image Mrs.C7:
    image packfan20:

    1) We've been back from vacation for a week and I still have 3 bags that I haven't unpacked.

    I am terrible at unpacking. Suitcases will sit on my floor for weeks.

    I cannot count the number of times I have had to unpack a suitcase only because I needed to re-pack it for my next trip.

    52 Books in 2014??
    image
    image

    imageimageimageimage

    My sweet babies:
    imageimageimageimage

  • Jen748Jen748 member
    Ancient Membership 5000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    image GilliC:

    I went to the movies by myself so I could see Fast and the Furious 6!  I couldn't subject someone else to watching it!

    Fast cars and Vin Diesel and Michel Rodriguez are so much fun that I don't care if Paul Walker and The Rock can't act their way out of a box.  I could have done with more driving and less fighting, though.

    Mmmmm...Paul Walker

    Sammie born 04/23/09 (Peanut allergy)
    Emmett born 01/28/2013

    2015 Books Read 3 * 2014 Books Read: 151
    2013 Books Read: 90 * 2012 Books Read: 125
    2011 Books Read: 150  * 2010 Books Read: 117

    Jennie Writes Words ~~~ We Still Read ~~~ Presidential Challenge
  • I have been holding this one in for days: I am so done with all of the whining by pregnant women or parents who biitch about the "insensitive" things people say to them.

    Asking a pregnant woman "how she is feeling" - I find this thoughtful. Telling a pregnant woman "you look ready to pop!" - um, you do. Telling a new mom "you look tired" - this is generally sympathy, not meanness. 

    Yesterday on FB I saw a whole article about how you're not even supposed to tell the mom of a young child to "cherish every moment because they grow up too fast."  Apparently that just puts SO much pressure on a mom to not be annoyed at the hard parts of parenting?

    I just find it all so irritating. Most people just say things to make conversation, and letting yourself get all worked up about it is YOUR problem, not theirs.

    P.S. I'm not saying there aren't truly insensitive and stupid things that some people say that really can hurt, but a lot of the complaining I see out there is about relatively harmless stuff.

    52 Books in 2014??
    image
    image

    imageimageimageimage

    My sweet babies:
    imageimageimageimage

  • Jen748Jen748 member
    Ancient Membership 5000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    image jackiback:

    I get annoyed when people are crazy, over the top preachy about ANYTHING, even things that I agree with. 

     I have a friend who I love dearly who is super into clean eating and so on. Guys, she posts about it on facebook NONSTOP. It never ends and it is making me dislike her.

    I feel this way about people who go overboard talking/posting about politics, gun control, pet adoption, rear facing car seats.... whatever their big "thing" is... I just want them to shut up.

    This is a friend of mine who is selling/doing the itworks wrap things. The posts. They never end. 

    Sammie born 04/23/09 (Peanut allergy)
    Emmett born 01/28/2013

    2015 Books Read 3 * 2014 Books Read: 151
    2013 Books Read: 90 * 2012 Books Read: 125
    2011 Books Read: 150  * 2010 Books Read: 117

    Jennie Writes Words ~~~ We Still Read ~~~ Presidential Challenge
  • image 84Lauren:
    image Young_Love:

    I remember when I created my ticker at the beginning of the school year...I thought that ball and chain would never make it to the other side of the screen. NOW IT'S ALMOST THERE!

    This isn't really a confession...I just had to share my glee over the fact that I only have 10 more school days to go.

    Your last day of school and my last day of work are the same day!

    You're going to have to have extra celebratory drinks for me in two weeks, so put that on your to-do list.

    I will have MANY celebratory drinks for you!

    image image image
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • image SacGeoLover:
    image banda522:
    image GilliC:
    image SusieBW:
    image banda522:

    I feel like I am spiraling into an eating disorder and don't know how to stop it...

    Please talk to someone about it and get help.  Lots of people deal with issues like this, and it's great that you are recognizing warning signs early on like this.  If you feel powerless to stop it, get help.  We're all here for you.  Is it a problem that you have had before?  ((hugs))

    All of this!

    And more hugs! 

    Thank you. I feel so silly! I had an eating disorder in middle school.. It really jacked me up because I am naturally very skinny- borderline underweight. I just get disgusted at myself for how I eat. I used to eat fast food like 5 times a week for lunch, and I felt so disgusted that I hid it from DH, which made me feel even more gross and guilty. About a month ago I started going to the gym and eating healthier. Now I feel so much pressure because I am known in my circle of friends for always eating bad stuff. Like, I will order an appetizer, entree with two sides, and dessert and eat ALL of it with no problem. I feel like people expect it of me.. It is hard to explain.. Anyway, if I skip a day of going to the gym, I get knots in my stomach and I get mad at myself for not going, so I will not eat. It's not intentional, but it's like I will justify not eating because I don't "deserve" to, because I didn't work out. None of my friends will listen because, like I said, I am borderline underweight, and seem healthy to everyone. And I don't want to tell DH because I feel like he won't think it's a big deal.. He doesn't know I had an eating disorder in the past, and I remember him saying a few times that people like that are silly attention-seekers..

    Yesterday I ate an orange. Like, literally, all day, I ate one orange.. and I think 2 spoonfuls of plain yogurt.. I wasn't even hungry! So today I am trying to eat REAL food and it is grossing me out.. Like, granola and blueberries for breakfast, and then delicious pulled pork and rice and beans and a cucumber for lunch. It's right in front of me and I can't eat it because I feel disgusting for wanting so much food!

    :( That's not silly.  Please get some help for yourself.  Screw what everyone else thinks. 

    This. There's no reason to be unhealthy because people expect you to be a certain way. I hate to sound like my mom here but if they treat you like that htey shouldn't be your friends. Smart lady my mom.
    Friday, December 28 2012. The day I had emergency appendix surgery in Mexico and quit smoking. Proof that everything has a good side!! DH and I are happily child-free!! No due date or toddler tickers here!! my read shelf:
    Alison's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf) 
  • GilliCGilliC member
    Ancient Membership 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    image banda522:
    image GilliC:
    image SusieBW:
    image banda522:

    I feel like I am spiraling into an eating disorder and don't know how to stop it...

    Please talk to someone about it and get help.  Lots of people deal with issues like this, and it's great that you are recognizing warning signs early on like this.  If you feel powerless to stop it, get help.  We're all here for you.  Is it a problem that you have had before?  ((hugs))

    All of this!

    And more hugs! 

    Thank you. I feel so silly! I had an eating disorder in middle school.. It really jacked me up because I am naturally very skinny- borderline underweight. I just get disgusted at myself for how I eat. I used to eat fast food like 5 times a week for lunch, and I felt so disgusted that I hid it from DH, which made me feel even more gross and guilty. About a month ago I started going to the gym and eating healthier. Now I feel so much pressure because I am known in my circle of friends for always eating bad stuff. Like, I will order an appetizer, entree with two sides, and dessert and eat ALL of it with no problem. I feel like people expect it of me.. It is hard to explain.. Anyway, if I skip a day of going to the gym, I get knots in my stomach and I get mad at myself for not going, so I will not eat. It's not intentional, but it's like I will justify not eating because I don't "deserve" to, because I didn't work out. None of my friends will listen because, like I said, I am borderline underweight, and seem healthy to everyone. And I don't want to tell DH because I feel like he won't think it's a big deal.. He doesn't know I had an eating disorder in the past, and I remember him saying a few times that people like that are silly attention-seekers..

    Yesterday I ate an orange. Like, literally, all day, I ate one orange.. and I think 2 spoonfuls of plain yogurt.. I wasn't even hungry! So today I am trying to eat REAL food and it is grossing me out.. Like, granola and blueberries for breakfast, and then delicious pulled pork and rice and beans and a cucumber for lunch. It's right in front of me and I can't eat it because I feel disgusting for wanting so much food!

    Please, please find a therapist to talk to!  I have always been skeptical, but there really is a time when you can't handle things on your own.  I've been in that place, and as much as I hated it, finding a professional to talk things through with really did help.  Just having a safe non-judging person to listen and validate the things that you are feeling can be a big start.

    You deserve to be happy and not be dealing with this kind of guilt.  And the fact that you don't even feel comfortable confiding about it with your DH is a big problem.  The first step is finding someone you can share with, and then tell them all of what you just said!

    Life can be better!   ((more hugs))

    image
  • One of my good friends just found out she is pregnant, now this is really exciting and we are excited to start our families and have our children close in age.

    She is maybe 5 weeks and I feel everything she is doing is exaggeratory and it is kind of driving me nuts! Like she is constantly walking around holding and rubbing her belly and she makes like this big to-do when she needs to pee or about how she is starving and how she is having cravings (do you really have them this early??)

    Idk maybe my pregnancy is just different...

    I don't want to be annoyed what can I do to stop?? I am truly happy for them! Do you think I am jealous? I don't know what is wrong with me, maybe i am just looking at and reading too much into it, I wonder if I would even notice these things if I wasn't pregnant...

    Sorry...vent over :-)


    image
    my read shelf:Jess (Shepherdjel)'s book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
  • image GilliC:
    image banda522:
    image GilliC:
    image SusieBW:
    image banda522:

    I feel like I am spiraling into an eating disorder and don't know how to stop it...

    Please talk to someone about it and get help.  Lots of people deal with issues like this, and it's great that you are recognizing warning signs early on like this.  If you feel powerless to stop it, get help.  We're all here for you.  Is it a problem that you have had before?  ((hugs))

    All of this!

    And more hugs! 

    Thank you. I feel so silly! I had an eating disorder in middle school.. It really jacked me up because I am naturally very skinny- borderline underweight. I just get disgusted at myself for how I eat. I used to eat fast food like 5 times a week for lunch, and I felt so disgusted that I hid it from DH, which made me feel even more gross and guilty. About a month ago I started going to the gym and eating healthier. Now I feel so much pressure because I am known in my circle of friends for always eating bad stuff. Like, I will order an appetizer, entree with two sides, and dessert and eat ALL of it with no problem. I feel like people expect it of me.. It is hard to explain.. Anyway, if I skip a day of going to the gym, I get knots in my stomach and I get mad at myself for not going, so I will not eat. It's not intentional, but it's like I will justify not eating because I don't "deserve" to, because I didn't work out. None of my friends will listen because, like I said, I am borderline underweight, and seem healthy to everyone. And I don't want to tell DH because I feel like he won't think it's a big deal.. He doesn't know I had an eating disorder in the past, and I remember him saying a few times that people like that are silly attention-seekers..

    Yesterday I ate an orange. Like, literally, all day, I ate one orange.. and I think 2 spoonfuls of plain yogurt.. I wasn't even hungry! So today I am trying to eat REAL food and it is grossing me out.. Like, granola and blueberries for breakfast, and then delicious pulled pork and rice and beans and a cucumber for lunch. It's right in front of me and I can't eat it because I feel disgusting for wanting so much food!

    Please, please find a therapist to talk to!  I have always been skeptical, but there really is a time when you can't handle things on your own.  I've been in that place, and as much as I hated it, finding a professional to talk things through with really did help.  Just having a safe non-judging person to listen and validate the things that you are feeling can be a big start.

    You deserve to be happy and not be dealing with this kind of guilt.  And the fact that you don't even feel comfortable confiding about it with your DH is a big problem.  The first step is finding someone you can share with, and then tell them all of what you just said!

    Life can be better!   ((more hugs))

    I agree with PPs. It may be difficult to reach out for help but please do.  I am a board member of our local NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) and they have excellent programs and can help steer you in the right direction if you're not sure where to begin. They also have excellent support groups. Here's the link: http://www.nami.org/

    I hope you get the help you need so you can be healthy and happy.

    image

    Nicolle's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)

     

  • image 84Lauren:

    I have been holding this one in for days: I am so done with all of the whining by pregnant women or parents who biitch about the "insensitive" things people say to them.

    Asking a pregnant woman "how she is feeling" - I find this thoughtful. Telling a pregnant woman "you look ready to pop!" - um, you do. Telling a new mom "you look tired" - this is generally sympathy, not meanness. 

    Yesterday on FB I saw a whole article about how you're not even supposed to tell the mom of a young child to "cherish every moment because they grow up too fast."  Apparently that just puts SO much pressure on a mom to not be annoyed at the hard parts of parenting?

    I just find it all so irritating. Most people just say things to make conversation, and letting yourself get all worked up about it is YOUR problem, not theirs.

    P.S. I'm not saying there aren't truly insensitive and stupid things that some people say that really can hurt, but a lot of the complaining I see out there is about relatively harmless stuff.

    I cried once. At a party. In front of Shaun's boss because he told me "treasure this time, it is the most precious time of your life!" or some other nonsense. Izey was four months old I was depressed as hell, never sleeping, wanted to just crawl into a hole and die. I get how people think that makes me sound like a crazy person, but I swear on a stack of bibles that I'll never say that to a new mom.

    I think that the pregnancy stuff comes from a place of body insecurity. In "normal" life you would never comment on someone's size or appearance unless it was super positive and people get used to that. I never really cared when people said "you look too little/too big/too tired" but I can see how people that have body image issues going into pregnancy could be driven crazy by everyone's need to comment on your appearance in a less than flattering way.  

    I think that being pregnant and being a new parent makes people say crazy things to you that they would never say otherwise and it is imperative to have pretty thick skin to deal with it all. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 

  • I am seriously worried I am starting menopause early.
    Anniversary
  • Not really a confession, but I feel very fortunate today.  We received a check from the Methodist Church Pastor's Relief Fund today that will cover almost all of the medical bills from my unexpected hospital stay in March.  This means we can finally get DH's car fixed, afford to get new glasses, and generally just breathe financially in a way we haven't been able to for some time now.  This church appointment has been difficult on us financially, and it's as though a huge weight has been lifted right now.  I cried (and DH teared up) and we hugged each other so tight when we got the mail today.
    image
  • image ThisModernLove:
    image GilliC:
    image banda522:
    image GilliC:
    image SusieBW:
    image banda522:

    I feel like I am spiraling into an eating disorder and don't know how to stop it...

    Please talk to someone about it and get help.  Lots of people deal with issues like this, and it's great that you are recognizing warning signs early on like this.  If you feel powerless to stop it, get help.  We're all here for you.  Is it a problem that you have had before?  ((hugs))

    All of this!

    And more hugs! 

    Thank you. I feel so silly! I had an eating disorder in middle school.. It really jacked me up because I am naturally very skinny- borderline underweight. I just get disgusted at myself for how I eat. I used to eat fast food like 5 times a week for lunch, and I felt so disgusted that I hid it from DH, which made me feel even more gross and guilty. About a month ago I started going to the gym and eating healthier. Now I feel so much pressure because I am known in my circle of friends for always eating bad stuff. Like, I will order an appetizer, entree with two sides, and dessert and eat ALL of it with no problem. I feel like people expect it of me.. It is hard to explain.. Anyway, if I skip a day of going to the gym, I get knots in my stomach and I get mad at myself for not going, so I will not eat. It's not intentional, but it's like I will justify not eating because I don't "deserve" to, because I didn't work out. None of my friends will listen because, like I said, I am borderline underweight, and seem healthy to everyone. And I don't want to tell DH because I feel like he won't think it's a big deal.. He doesn't know I had an eating disorder in the past, and I remember him saying a few times that people like that are silly attention-seekers..

    Yesterday I ate an orange. Like, literally, all day, I ate one orange.. and I think 2 spoonfuls of plain yogurt.. I wasn't even hungry! So today I am trying to eat REAL food and it is grossing me out.. Like, granola and blueberries for breakfast, and then delicious pulled pork and rice and beans and a cucumber for lunch. It's right in front of me and I can't eat it because I feel disgusting for wanting so much food!

    Please, please find a therapist to talk to!  I have always been skeptical, but there really is a time when you can't handle things on your own.  I've been in that place, and as much as I hated it, finding a professional to talk things through with really did help.  Just having a safe non-judging person to listen and validate the things that you are feeling can be a big start.

    You deserve to be happy and not be dealing with this kind of guilt.  And the fact that you don't even feel comfortable confiding about it with your DH is a big problem.  The first step is finding someone you can share with, and then tell them all of what you just said!

    Life can be better!   ((more hugs))

    I agree with PPs. It may be difficult to reach out for help but please do.  I am a board member of our local NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) and they have excellent programs and can help steer you in the right direction if you're not sure where to begin. They also have excellent support groups. Here's the link: http://www.nami.org/

    I hope you get the help you need so you can be healthy and happy.

    I agree with all PPs. I don't have an eating disorder, but I had things in my past I wanted to let go of, but couldn't. I couldn't heal on my own I guess. Seeking out a therapist was scary and I felt so vulnerable and anxious. But it was one of the best decisions I have ever made and I am an incredibly happier, healthier, and better person for it. Therapy is a long process and it's not easy but it is worth it. 

    If you don't like the therapist you see, try another and another until you find one that fits. I'm training to be one now and I promise no one will be offended. It's all about you and helping you get better. 

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