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Want another child but he isn't into it right now :(

We have a almost 2 year old together and ii have a stepson who is 7 going on 8 this summer. We always talked about having 3 all together and waiting to have the last one where they were at least 2 years apart. Since my youngest is almost 2, i want to try for another so if I get pregnant soon they will be almost 3 years apart. My husband thinks its too soon bc our 2 year old is the "baby" of the house still and I get that but i really don't want the kids 4 years apart I'd like them closer and I feel it would be easier for me to transition a new baby into the family next year rather then 2 years later when the baby stage is no more in our home. Anyone else go through this? I don't want to push another child into our lives if we aren't on the same page but maybe 4 years apart isn't that bad?
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Re: Want another child but he isn't into it right now :(

  • Mine are almost exactly 4 years apart, and it's pretty great.

    But that doesn't really matter. What matters is that you and your husband aren't on the same page. Do you think he's blaming your daughter and her being the baby for his not being ready just to get you off his back? 

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  • His concern is our 2 year old will feel neglected because we treat her as the baby still and so does all of our families. She is the yougest grandchild and everything is always about her and he feels she is the baby right now and to let her be for a while. We can wait until next year to try for the 3rd but that would make them more like 4 years apart. I just think when he realizes we are almost done with the baby stage after the turns 3 and that it starts all over again, diapers/bottles/sippys etc, and thats not bad, I just feel like it would be easier for all of us. I just see 4 years apart as alot but some of my friends have the same gap between their kids and they said it would have been nicer having them closer in age.
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  • I have a feeling your husband wants to wait for other reasons than "she's the baby," if only because to me that seems like a somewhat forced reason to want to wait. Try talking to him again and asking if there's anything else that's bothering him about starting to try now.

    IF his only reservation is really that he wants his daughter to be the baby in the family for a little while longer, maybe see if he'd be willing to go halvsies with you and start trying in 6 months? Honestly, though, whether you start now or wait a year, your daughter will probably not remember a few years down the road what it was like being the baby, much less how long it lasted. By the time I was 6 or 8, I'm pretty sure I had completely forgotten my toddler years. I certainly have no memory of a life without my sister, who is 3 1/2 years younger. If anything, I might expect a young child to be more jealous of a new sibling the farther apart they are, because they have had more time to understand and get used to the staus quo. Just my 2 cents.

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  • I was 4 years older than my brother. I was the first granddaughter on one side of the family and the first grandchild on the other. I was pampered by both, but didn't resent my brother when he came along.

    My kids are 7 years apart, not planned that way as neither was planned and I was a single Mom.

    I understand what you are saying, wanting to get it "over with" and have your kids close in age. However, the workload of adding a second child doesn't double your work or stress, it at least triples it.

    I can see your husband's point, but it should not be the major reason. In my experience (and others may have different viewpoints or experiences), I've found that 4 years (or more) between siblings is actually a good thing. Each child gets more attention, the "big sister" can help out, and you'll have one in kindergarten while taking care of a 1 year old. They'll still be close because siblings usually are, but in my opinion each will have had a good start attention-wise in their early years.

    Unless your biological clock is ticking due to your age, I don't see anything wrong with 4 years apart. However, make sure your husband isn't using his excuse as a way to say he doesn't want any more children. Sometimes illogical explanations are actually like saying "maybe" instead of "later".

    Good luck.  

  • Thanks for all the advice! I will wait for the conversation to naturally come up later. He does want one more he just thinks its too soon and maybe is neevous having two "babies" since our 2 yr old is sooo babied by everyone. It sounds like a 4 year difference has been beneficial for many, all my family is mostly 2 yrs apart and maybe thats y i feel my kids should be closer in age. 
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  • what on earth matters if they're 2 years, 4 years or 6 years or more apart if one of you isn't ready?
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  • My older sister is 4 years older than me, my younger sister is 1.5 years younger...I'm significantly closer to my younger sister. As an added bonus, we sort of developed together (she ended up potty training extremely early because she wanted to do what her big sister did etc.). We were always attending the same school, which is easier on the parents.

    My younger sister already has two children and she timed them so they would be closer in age like her and I are. I think there are many benefits to keeping kids closer in age. 

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  • I think the tough part is trying to understand where he is coming from. He has two kids, you have one (although Im sure you consider it two!!). So... you are ready to expand your family and he is hesitant to do it all again. You have a boy and a girl, how great! I think sometimes we make plans and the future just sneaks up on us... its like me and DH planned to ttc after we bought a house and graduated college.... done and done. Still waiting now and its weird how time just creeps up on you!! 

    I understand your spacing concerns but I think the bigger concern is making sure he is ready for the added responsibility.  4 years apart is really no different than 3 really. In some ways it will be easier because they will have less rivalry and practically never be in the same schools.

    Just talk to him and try to agree. 

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