Sex & Romance
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Making love or having sex?

My husband and I are newlyweds but we've been together since 2007. We've been intimate since we started dating and the sex is good for both of us. But I'm curious because I recently was talking about sex with a coworker and she kept using the phrase "making love." I started thinking: I can honestly say that I don't think I've ever "made love" to my husband. Our sex lives aren't terribly romantic (for me at least.) It's fun and pleasurable. But I don't know if I would call it making love. Is it the same thing? I love my husband. Is something wrong with us/me because I don't feel like we make love? Am I alone in feeling this way?

Re: Making love or having sex?

  • Well I think you have to decide what is your definition of "making Love". Is it a feeling? Is it the pace you go at? Is it flower petals on the bed and soft music in the background? I think it's different for everyone. That being said no you are not alone. For a long time I didn't feel like me and my husband ever made love. It was always sex. Then I thought to myself what is "making love"? I realized that my ideas of "making love" came from books and movies and we all know how realistic they are. I mean come on if you roll off the bed in a fit of passion like in the movies most people are not going to keep going. They are going to scream "Ow! Get off me!". Once I stopped thinking of fantasy and came back to earth I found what my definition was. For me it is the tender moments that we share while having sex. When I look deep into his eyes or he kisses me gently that lets me know that at that moment it is more then sex. It is a connection on a much deeper level. For me though I found that it is possible for the two to be the same thing at the same time. I hope this helps.

  • A sensual, intimate encounter and crazy, animalistic sex are one in the same.  I consider both "making love."  The way I see it, whichever "version" it is, it's still something I'm doing with my husband and only my husband, and THAT is what makes is special.  That is what makes it "making love."

  • H and I rarely "make love".  It happens, and I define it as the slow/romantic sex, but more often we just screw.  And if it's a really good night, we f*ck like rabid monkeys.  However, that is just fine with me, since I'm rarely in the mood for "making love" myself.  

     

    I think it's about you as a couple.  If you're both satisfied with how things are, then don't worry about it.  If you'd like more romance, then talk to him.

  • Thanks everyone. I didn't think anything was wrong until I said something about us not making love to my coworker and she told me that something was wrong with our marriage. I feel better now.
  • I don't like the phrase making love, I consider it all sex. Something about the phrase creeps me out. I probably would have laughed at your coworker. 
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  • I think PP said it well...it really depends on how you define "making love".

     For me and DH, sometimes we make love.  Sometimes we f*ck as though our lives depended on it.  But I don't think the latter means we don't love each other.  Just because you're married doesn't mean you can't act like horny teenagers sometimes and forget the romance.

  • vpinevpine member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its

    Everyone has their own interpretations of 'making love'.

    The term 'making love' I use for my husband and 1 ex that I had strong emotions and love for.

    Having "sex" with someone to me implies no feelings: just lust, attraction or being in the mood.

    .

     


  • image vpine:

    Everyone has their own interpretations of 'making love'.

    The term 'making love' I use for my husband and 1 ex that I had strong emotions and love for.

    Having "sex" with someone to me implies no feelings: just lust, attraction or being in the mood.

    .

     

    This.  I make love to my husband, no matter how wild, or soft it is. But I can definitely say that phrase doesn't fit with what I used to do with, say, my ex bf back in my college days. To me it's about intent and feeling.

  • 98% of the time my H and I "have sex". Once in a blue moon, the mood is just right, there's eye contact, there's softness and gentle touches, and that's what I'd call "making love".
    Anniversary
  • ~NB~~NB~ member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    You should stop talking about your sex life with your coworkers.
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