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hectic life

Im very confused as what i want to do for the next step in my life im 19 engaged but still working through alot of grief and confusion of growing up i lost my dad at the age of ten my moms been married four times each on was a new lesson for her i grew up watching my mom make alot of bad desisions with guys im glad she only brought home guys she was considering marrying i know emotional abuse and what it looks like i know how it feels to start being groomed by a perv im scarred becouse thats what ppl are like i finaly was getting confertable with life again and i lost my babys at 19 weeks im almost 20 and clueless i want a family of my own but terrified and tramatized by my past.

Re: hectic life

  • Spin313Spin313 member
    Tenth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker

    I'm sorry for your losses.  

     You are only 19.  Have an INCREDIBLY long engagement and figure out who you are and work through your own issues before commiting to someone else. 

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  • Therapy, therapy, therapy.  work this stuff out BEFORE getting married.  At a minimum, have a VERY long engagement.  As in - at least 5 years.  OR perhaps even break it off for now so that you can focus on yourself and not have to worry about your FI.
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • image shyry287:
    Im very confused as what i want to do for the next step in my life im 19 engaged but still working through alot of grief and confusion of growing up i lost my dad at the age of ten my moms been married four times each on was a new lesson for her i grew up watching my mom make alot of bad desisions with guys im glad she only brought home guys she was considering marrying i know emotional abuse and what it looks like i know how it feels to start being groomed by a perv im scarred becouse thats what ppl are like i finaly was getting confertable with life again and i lost my babys at 19 weeks im almost 20 and clueless i want a family of my own but terrified and tramatized by my past.


    I tend to think you are running away from your situation at home --- your mother is married 4 times and you want to get away from that.

    Stop right there and put your wedding plans on hold.  Sorry for your loss.

    Marrying during a time of grief or a loss or a horrific life change isn't a good idea; there is a thing called vulnerability and you are extremely vulnerable at this time. 

    Wishing you luck. Hope you get what you want out of life.

  • Therapy is not a dirty word. You have been through a lot, and anyone in your position would be confused and full of emotions. A third party therapist can really help you work through these issues and figure out what you want out of life.

     Like the ladies above me, I am also worried that you are using this engagement to escape your pain. I think you need to put any wedding plans on hold until you have figured that out. I am not saying that this isn't the guy for you. He may well be. But if he is, he will be willing to wait while you get some help and continue to improve yourself. I also think counseling with the two of you would be a good idea. I'm assuming he was the baby's father? If so, he must be hurting as well.

  • First, not trying to be rude but please use punctuation. I had no idea when one thought started or ended.

    At 19 that is a lot to deal with. You just have to make a decision on rather your past is going to define you or if you will rise above it. Sadly, a lot of people have messed up childhoods. I lost my dad very young too. My mom also dated a lot and has been married 4 times. We are completely estranged from each other - not by my choice. But I decided screw that - I am better than that. Put myself through college, and now celebrating 2 wonderful years of marriage to the best man and best friend I could have ever asked for. I have a decision every day that I am going to do better than my parents did. I forgive them and I am a happy person. You have no control over what other people do, but you do have control over how it affects you. Take control, move forward, live your life. Don't waste precious time feeling sorry for yourself.

    I don't know you but if this is all seriously affecting you, you should really consider rather you are getting married for the right reasons. Are you just looking to run away from your problems? 19 is young but not too young depending on you personally. I don't know you. I was 21 when I got married and it was the best decision of my life, but we both had to grow up fast and knew the commitment we were making.

    Best of luck. 

  • image EastCoastBride:
    Therapy, therapy, therapy.  work this stuff out BEFORE getting married.  At a minimum, have a VERY long engagement.  As in - at least 5 years.  OR perhaps even break it off for now so that you can focus on yourself and not have to worry about your FI.

    +1

    OP - you have SO MUCH TIME to figure out who you are and what you want in life.  Don't repeat your Mom's mistakes by rushing to get married when you're not emotionally for that.  Get yourself into therapy and plan on a long engagement. 

  • Thanks for your advice.  I am sorry about the punctuation i was frazzled and emotional. In some ways moving is to get away but its also to get him closer to his family. In my vent i know it was confusing to clarify yes my fiancee is the babies father we graze over the idea of therapy but i think he is worried about opening up. I have been in and out of counseling since my dads suicide.

    My current situation I'm living at home with nine people i get payed 125 dollars a month for taking care of my step sisters daughter. I'm often treated as just the nanny. when I'm not with the child I clean homes with my mom she pays me when she can.

    I hope this gives some clarification and thank you for your time and advice.

     

     

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