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Worried that I don't want kids yet

My husband and I have been together for over 8 years and married for almost 3. He's almost 27 and I'm almost 26. I have always known that I want children. Most likely 2. My whole life I've had it iplanned out in my head that I would have my first child at the age of 27 and my last at the age of 30. It just sounded perfect to me.

Now that I am getting really close to that age, I still don't want children. I am still at the phase in my life where I want to be able to travel wherever and do whatever I want, whenever I want. I was a nanny for 7 years (just recently quit) and I have my teaching degree, so I KNOW how much work children are and I KNOW that I am not ready for that yet!

I also know that I am still really young and have plenty of baby-producing years ahead of me. I just personally never wanted to start my family in my 30's. I've always wanted to be a young mom. The desire is just NOT there yet, and my husband agrees.

Is there anyone else that had a certain idea in their head of when they thought they'd want children, but it just isn't playing out that way? I'm almost frustrated at myself, but definitely don't want to force it. Every year that has passed since we've been married I think to myself, "This time next year we'll start TTC". It just keeps getting pushed out further and further...

Re: Worried that I don't want kids yet

  • I am similar in that i had an idea in my head for years and now my thoughts are completely taking a 180.

     My DH and I have been together for almost 13 years and married for 3yrs next month. We had talked about starting a family when i was 30, well now that i'm turning 29 this year, im no where near thinking about kids and both my dh and i are even saying we aren't sure we want any at all.  We have taken the idea off the table and said maybe we'll change our minds later down the road. Since we have both taken this mindset, our marriage has improved greatly.

    You are right that you're young and have plenty of time. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself, just enjoy where you are now and see what happens.

     

    imageimage
  • I'm actually in a similar situation, but my husband and I are both about to turn 29. I am an SLP in a school and kept thinking that we would start TTC this summer so I could possibly "time" delivery towards the end of next school year. Well now that the time is approaching (and I am starting a new job this fall), I am not confident that this is the best time. But like you said, I never wanted to wait until my 30s. Now I'm realizing that 1) 30 isn't as old as I thought it was when I developed this plan, and 2) I might need to relax on the idea a little and just let things happen.

  • Yep. I can completely relate. The "timeline" in my mind keeps getting pushed back. For a variety of reasons: financial concerns, travel goals, etc. I'm not that worried about it though. I'm 28, so there is still plenty of time, and I really felt the same way about marriage. I got married a little later in my life than I thought I would when I a teenager, but when I was ready, I was ready. A couple of years later, I think the timing was perfect.

    Married 2011.
    Baby Boy 2015.
  • You are still young and have plenty of time. I think we all have a picture of what we 'plan' to do once we begin our adult or married lives but once life actually happens we deviate. There is nothing wrong with this. I am now 29, married 7 years and have no plans for children in the near future.

    We knew that once we married we wanted to travel and enjoy married life. We have done that and MORE but I still have more things on my 'to-do' list and children are not our priority.

    As long as you two are in agreement with your family planning then there is no rush for a family.

    Vacation
  • I totally agree with emilyd516; now that I am turning 28 this year, 30 doesn't seem as old as I used to think.

    If you had asked me when I was a child, I probably would have said I would have been married at 21 because that sounded so "old"! I always just thought that babies came after marriage, but I never set an actual age for that in my mind.  

    I definitely feel pangs of desire for having a baby, that came on very suddenly when I turned 26 or so. But there are so many things I want done before that happens, ie finish teaching credential, buy a house (I did all my traveling and living abroad in my early twenties, hence pushing back all the serious stuff). 

    When my husband and I make plans for the future, we are like oh, we have to get this and that done before kids and mentally counting up the years it will take and how old we will be when we should start. I guess my only worry for having kids later would be trouble conceiving or increased chance of birth defects, other than that, I am happy with being more set in life before having kids. 

    Jessica (27) and Tristan (26) Anniversary
  • You are still very young, both of you, and if waiting for another ouple of years is what feels like the right thing to do then that's what you should do. Children is not something that you feel you have to have, you have to want it, to really feel it because as you said, they are a lot of work and they are time consuming and exhausting (as well as great joys!). Saying you should wait until you feel ready is kind of a big lie because you will never be properly ready, but when you have so many doubts and really your desires lie elsewhere, it's a sign to wait and enjoy the other aspects of life.
    Celebrate life and love with a romantic anniversary room package at any Hotel, B&B, or Vacation Rental in the U.S.
  • I feel pretty much the same. We are both 25. I always imagined I would have my first in my late 20's.. I know I'm only 25 but right now I am back in school taking a Photography program and he is working. We rent an apartment and I just feel like I don't see how we will be ready yet in even 2 years. We are finally planning our first big trip together, and we both know we want kids for SURE one day, but I feel like its going to be a bit later than expected. But I'm starting to feel behind everyone else in his family who are on their 2nd child. I'm really not worrying about it too much though, because I just want to take things as they come and not stress about it! We just both know we are both far from ready right now.
  • image KonaCoffeeBean:

    Yep. I can completely relate. The "timeline" in my mind keeps getting pushed back. For a variety of reasons: financial concerns, travel goals, etc. I'm not that worried about it though. I'm 28, so there is still plenty of time, and I really felt the same way about marriage. I got married a little later in my life than I thought I would when I a teenager, but when I was ready, I was ready. A couple of years later, I think the timing was perfect.



    Exactly, exactly, EXACTLY this. It took me so long to grow up, because my parents kept me in such an infantile state for so long, that I'm just NOW having my "rebellious teenage years." (I'm 26.) 

    Kids are the LAST thing I want to tie myself down with right now. I'm enjoying being an adult, well away from my parents! 
    Visit The Knot!
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