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TTC/possible pregnancy..don't want MIL to know!

Ok, so DH and I are TTC and as a mtter of fact we might be very well pregnant already (will test this wknd, cross fingers). Anyway, last week we were discussing who to tell if we are in fact pg, I mentioned my parents for sure and some really close friends (who also happen to be pg right now) at least until the first trimester is over (you know anything can happen). DH said it would be selfish not to tell his mom but tell my parents, and although I get his point I still dont want her know right away! The reason behind all this is that our relationship is not the best, she has been rude over the years, has even mentioned that I don't bring anything to the table bc I'm still in school (Medical School that is!), worries that I don't want to give her son children bc of my career (completely false obviously since we are ttc!), won't 'respect' me as a professional until I'm a Doc (considering I have a Master's degree...and she didn't even go to college!), anyway the list goes on.

DH is very supportive and very aware that his mom is psycho and completely out of line, has confronted her many times about the issue and things seem to be better for a little while but in the end I always get stabbed in the back again.

So, is it irrational for me to want to keep my pg a secret from his family until the 12 wk mark? I have the feeling that we wouldn't get honest/sincere support and happy thoughts from his family and this is a very big deal for us (first baby)!

ps: the conversation with DH ended bc we where in the car and haven't talked about it since, so I'm not sure if he got my pov or not.

Re: TTC/possible pregnancy..don't want MIL to know!

  • I agree with your H. It is selfish not to tell his mom. I understand not having the best relationship with his mom but if he has a decent relationship with her she deserves to know when your parents do. Imagine how hurt she would be if she found out from

    "Do the best you can, until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." 

    -Maya Angelou


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  • Hmmm.

    I can't call it selfish because when it comes down to it, if you are PG, this is YOUR news, YOUR life and YOUR child.  This isn't about your parents or anyone else.  At all.  No one has a "right" to this information if you do

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  • image EastCoastBride:


    But if this is about "i don't like her so I'm going to punish her" - that's petty and you need to find

    "Do the best you can, until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." 

    -Maya Angelou


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  • We waited until after the 12 week mark with all 3 of our pregnancies to tell anyone.

    I realize it's a personal choice, but so much can happen in that time.

    It may be easier to enjoy your little secret between the two of you for a few weeks

  • image alejitarami:

    Ok, so DH and I are TTC and as a mtter of fact we might be very well pregnant already (will test this wknd, cross

    Friday, December 28 2012. The day I had emergency appendix surgery in Mexico and quit smoking. Proof that everything has a good side!! DH and I are happily child-free!! No due date or toddler tickers here!! my read shelf:
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  • Thank you ladies for your thoughts...def needed to hear from someone else. I guess will further discuss with DH and get on the same page.
  • Supportive of you but he hasn't seemed to quell her nastiness. Hm....

    Why don't the 2 of you cut them off completely?

    There is NO way I'd permit this woman to be around my kids, if she is as bad as you say she is.

    The 2 of you need t
  • I'm not sure I understand what difference it makes in sharing the news now versus at 12 weeks.  If you're concerned she's going to be unsupportive now, wouldn't it stand to reason she will be a jerk in 12 weeks?

     

    I agree with PPs

  • I've never been pregnant, and I'm not a huge fan of my MIL ... but unless she really is the type to go tell everybody in town the news, I see no reason why your parents get to be told the second the strip turns pink and she has to wait 12 weeks. And ac


    I'm more than willing to start validating people's ideas when they start having ideas worth validating
    image
  • I think you should be able to announce your pregnancy to whomever whenever you want to and I think your husband should agree. 
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  • I think if you're going to share your pregnancy news in the first trimester, you need to tell people who will be nothing but supportive if a miscarriage does occur, since it isn't an uncommon occurrence.  If you don't think your in-laws fit that b

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  • image NantucketBride12:

    I think if you're going to share your pregnancy news in the first trimester, you need to tell people who will be

    [IMG]http://i48.tinypic.com/lb18m.png[/IMG]
  • I'd tell both sets of parents or neither. I think even with issues with the MIL, if you have her in your life, it is pretty bad to tell your parents but not your husbands.
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  • I agree with telling whomever you want, whenever you want.  This is your body. Yes, your husband had some part in this, but it is your body.  If you don't feel like MIL will be supportive or that she'd share your news with others, then I would h
  • image MommyLiberty5013:

    We waited until after the 12 week mark with all 3 of our pregnancies to tell anyone.

    I realize it's a

  • There's nothing wrong with announcing your pregnancy to whomever you want, whenever you want.  No rule says the grandparents all need to find out at the same time.  We told my parents about one of my pregnancies earlier than we told the ILs,

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