So my dad is usually really involved in my life and texts me at least once a week just to see what's up. I also recently moved close to him, and I feel like I don't see him as much as I thought I would. I've suggested a few things before and we've had lunch and seen a movie and whatnot, and I suggested we hang out later this week. I keep wondering why he doesn't try to instigate quality time with me and my husband. We used to do father-daughter stuff all the time and I know he and my husband get along well.
I used to think it was because my stepmom and I had a strained relationship. Recently I tried to be nicer and more talkative with her and to try to make her feel like she's part of the family. While I was in the middle of working on this, she used to tell my dad that my husband and I weren't making enough of an effort and sometimes when we'd visit we'd literally hear her yelling at my dad in the other room. I know that one of these times it was because my husband unintentionally offended her---so she took it out on my dad and then made him explain things to my husband... I've heard her yell at her mother in the other room too (her mom has been staying with them for a while now). But most of the time she acts really quiet and shy.
I'm still working on trying to have a relationship with her, but a little part of me is worried that she's more like my mom than I thought. My mom was abusive towards my dad and often threatened him and was sometimes violent. And I know that my dad never wanted to be in a relationship like that again. I wonder if he's fallen into a pattern of seeking out partners like that. I feel some sort of guilt, like that maybe if I had tried to get to know her more before they got married I could have given my dad more advice. I know that he's broken up with her before over her yelling and talking down to him.
Anyway, I don't really expect advice or anything. Just wanted to vent without awkwardly venting to family or friends. Also, her family are old family friends (first to my mom, then my dad and other relatives).