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Engagment broken off

I've posted this on a few boards... I really just am panicking and want as much advice thrown at  me as possible to get over this.   Sorry if i wasnt supposed to do that.

My fiance and I have been planning our wedding for about a month now. And it has been very stressful. He is deployed here in DC from florida. In July, once his deployment was up, he was moving here to DC. He has a large family, great friends, and his whole unit that he has been with for 9 years all in Florida. Up until this point, he was sad about having to leave them but told me that he was 100% sure that what he wanted to do was be with me, here. I cannot move to FL because I have a six year old here that I share joint custody with her father. He would never let me take full custody, I could never leave her, and I wouldnt want her away from her father. Last night he told me that for the last two weeks he has been having major doubts about moving here and getting married. He has said in the past that marriage is not what's important to him, just being with me is. He said he really does love me, and he really doesnt want to lose me, he just feels like if he was here in DC he would not be happy. I told him that being with me should be what makes him happy...and we would be visiting his family several times a year. When he moves home typically after deployment, he says hes there for two weeks before he cant wait to leave again. There are no jobs... and the family that he misses so much, drives him crazy. Well apparently now, that's where he wants to be. He said that he wants a few days to think about it but most likely his feelings aren't going to change and maybe hes just not ready. I told him that a few days wouldn't change anything, and how would i know if he decides he DOES want to be with me that he isn't going to just change his mind again. Could I please get some constructive feedback? Its a very high likelihood that he will come back in the next few days wanting to be with me. if that is the case, what parameters should I set up to try and make it work. I recognize that giving up his family, his friends, and his unit, not to mention moving to another state, and changing his career is extremely stressful on top of getting married... so I dont know maybe if this is a normal reaction that I dont know how to deal with.

Re: Engagment broken off

  • count your blessings and move on.
  • He knew from the beginning you had to stay in DC. This is not something new, he's had time to consider this. If he's not willing to come, then it's over. You really don't have options here. You shouldn't let him waffle about. It's not fair to you, or your
  • What you just said is exactly the truth. I think if i stayed he would waffle on it. I told my daughter he was going away for a couple of weeks so that she would't ask where he was while we were figuring things out. I agree I want this to affect her as lit
  • Well I mean I guess you could give him an ultimatum, but is that the kind of relationship you really want ?  A relationship with a man you had to give an ultimatum to or a man who couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life with you ?  He is

  • Honestly I think if you are at the point of an ultimatum, it's over. I really think the only way this is going to work out is if you break up with him, he realizes he was wrong, and makes concrete plans to move there. As in, gets a job and a start date

  • Let him move, change careers and get settled---then marry him.....otherwise he will hold you repsonsible for all of this and that's NONSENSE. Considering the situation I'd give him some space---and I wouldn't make any major decisions for a while---let
  • To be honest, it sounds to me like he's using the move and living in DC as an excuse. If he truly loves you and wants to marry you, he would suck it up and move to DC. And even if it is true that it's living in DC that's the problem, do you want to mar

  • image stw_77:

    Well I mean I guess you could give him an ultimatum, but is that the kind of relationship you really want ?  A relati

  • image Leftie22:

    To be honest, it sounds to me like he's using the move and living in DC as an excuse. If he truly loves you and wants to

  • Everyone thank you for your support and sold "girl talk" answers. This is one of the most difficult situations ive ever tried to navigate. I appreciate you not bashing me like I'm a dumb woman who can see what's right in front of her face. Because I
  • I truly don't intend to sound mean, but I wouldn't get your hopes up about him moving to DC.  It sounds like he made his choice.

    Again, it happens.  Time to accept it and move on.  Good luck. 

  • Where did you meet this knucklehead?

    I am getting the idea it was through the internet somehow and this entire thing between you and him has been long distance throughout its shifty duration.

    You've got a 6 year old kiddo. Do yourself a favo
  • As a matter of fact. I've known him for several years and hes been deployed to dc multiple times. The whole time weve been together hes been here. So no I didnt meet him online. I met him normally and had a normal relationship just like anyone else.
  • Her assumption was kinda rude, huh?

     

    I do like the idea of taking a break from dating both your current beau & not seeking a new one for awhile... because that way if this guy you were ready to marry clears his head and realizes h

  • Hi,

    I Think I understand where your fiance is coming from. Although he knew from teh get-go that in order to be with you he had to move I dont think  it really hit him until the wedding planning started.

     I am engaged myself,

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