Sex & Romance
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email [email protected]

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Feeling inadequate...

Normally DH and I normally have a good sex life.  A couple of things happened recently that have my confidence crushed and I don't know how to get past it.  

A couple of weeks ago I bought something sexy to wear and as DH undressed me and saw it, he laughed.  He said it was a "that's awesome" laugh, but to me it felt like a "hey you look ridiculous" laugh.  Then last night we were fooling around on the couch, he's already half naked, and I look up to find him fast forwarding over the commercials on a show he was watching before we started.  When I asked what he was doing, he said it was just a reflex to FF during the commercial.  My reaction was that you shouldn't even notice the commercials if you're into what we're doing.  

 I tried to explain this all to him, and he apologized, but that doesn't erase what happened.  I feel inadequate.  What can I do to get past this?  Am I overreacting? 

Lilypie First Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

Re: Feeling inadequate...

  • I think 99% of this is in your head. I could be wrong, but I suspect he tells you you're beautiful and can't keep his hands off you and shows you he loves you, but your brain is wired for doubt and insecurity. I say that because I've been there and am clawing my way back to the surface. 

    When I was first dating my FI (H in 11 days!) we talked about what we liked romantically & sexually and I tried REALLY hard to fulfill what I thought that was. I tried and then was disappointed when he ended up liking me, in any form, more than the specific lingerie I'd bought. I didn't quite get laughs, but I was so disappointed that he didn't seem to care I'd gone to all that effort to get things he said he liked. A few years later I see how silly that was. He wanted me. Just me. Being me. Dressing up sexy is now more fun because I put less expectation on it. It's more for me than for him, if that makes sense. He wants me regardless.

    As far as commercials go? I would be hurt too. But you have a choice about how you react. You can take the remote out of his hand and place it on your naked body to remind him where his focus should be, or you can get angry and create a rift to punish him (and punish you). Talking about it after can help him see that you have expectations for how he'll act when you're making out so he has a better chance of meeting them in the future.

    I'm sure you'll be fine. It hurts today, but this all sounds like normal insecurity stuff that we all fight to get over. 

  • I agree with PP. Honestly, H has laughed at me before and said it was a 'that's awesome' or 'i was so surprised' laugh. Looking back I can see that but it's really hard in the moment not to get that stab of self consciousness.

    I also have the random thing of feeling too heavy for him. Yes, I'm overweight and trying to work on it - he's heavier than me and working on it too - but I always feel too heavy for girl on top type positions. Like I'm going to crush him or something (but I don't have the same kind of worries when he's on top) and that ruins those positions for me.

    Since I got my libido back I've been making an honest effort to really not take myself so seriously. Just to laugh and have fun with it. And while its easier said than done... 'fake it to make it' kinda applies here I guess. After a while of pretending/acting like you feel great about yourself will begin to just feel natural and your confidence will genuinely grow. He thinks you're sexy and he wants you. It's ok to believe that about yourself. :)

  • Thanks for the feedback!  He really is a great guy and its my own insecurities that made the situation worse.  
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • i've been the channel flipper when my beau was putting the moves on me. He got upset told me about it and the next time he just came in took the remote and turned it off. Got my attention. just take it pun intended, lol.
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards