Relationships
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email [email protected]

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

going too long with out sex

I love my husband very much. We've known each other for over 40 years & hung out with one another, he was married at one point in time & has one son & i was also married & have two kids. We've always bumped into each other & i've always invited in over for a BBQ but nothing ever became of it. Then one day we became more then friends & moved in with each other & 2 yrs later married. I'm not going to stick up for him but he has gotten hurt & tore his rotator cuff & our sex lives have gone so far downhill I dont' think we see the top anymore. No work either & we've been under alot of stress for the past few years. We tried to get close to each other by laying in bed together & holding each other, but nothing happened, no spark or anything.  It's almost like we are afraid to touch each other. He is a very good man, helps out around the house alot, does shopping, laundry, even cleans the bathroom, always says goodnite & that he loves me & he does say he's sorry that our sex life has gone down to nothing. But when we go to bed we just go to bed, not even holding each other or any connection.  i dont' know what to do?? we are very low on money because of the economy so we can't go out to eat or to the movies, which i think would help out alot. what can i do??? please help..

Re: going too long with out sex

  • maybe go for a walk, hold hands, and talk; sit on a park bench and people watch together, while putting arms around one another, touching. I've also heard for situations like this that it can be helpful to take the pressure off by deciding not to have sex for a month, say, but to dedicate time every day to kissing, hugging, cuddling, and making out.

    I think it's important to actually touch each other, even if it's a little forced at first - rather than just laying in bed hoping something will "happen".

    If you can't sort it out with little things like this, counseling may help you out a lot.

    image

    "You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. Seuss

    TTC #1 August 2014. BFP 9/26! EDD 6/9/15
    Baby A born 6/17/2015
  • These are great ideas:

    maybe go for a walk, hold hands, and talk; sit on a park bench and people watch together, while putting arms around one another, touching. I've also heard for situations like this that it can be helpful to take the pressure off by deciding not to have sex for a month, say, but to dedicate time every day to kissing, hugging, cuddling, and making out.

    I think it's important to actually touch each other, even if it's a little forced at first - rather than just laying in bed hoping something will "happen".

    If you can't sort it out with little things like this, counseling may help you out a lot.

    You and he also need to talk. At length.:)

    Communication is key.

    Sit down with him --- do this on a day at a time when you have nothing planned. Shut off the phones and discuss what is happening between the 2 of you.

    Take your time.  If the discussion runs a few hours, all the better.:)

    What about good old fashioned spontanaity?

    Jump in the shower with him when he is in there or invite him in with you.

    Set up a nice hot bath for 2; add some music, some candlelight and some munchies and spend a night in there relaxing and talking.

    That he's not remained silent about your lack of sex life is a positive sign. That shows me he wants to do something about it.

    To look for fun things to do on the cheap:

    I don't know if you are down with the role playing stuff, but maybe try this for fun: Put on a pair of navy blue slacks, a pair of black loafers and get a blue shirt (a teeshirt will do) and pick up a fake cop's hat and fake plastic handcuffs in some costume store/joke store. Attach the handcuffs to your belt.:)

    Ring the doorbell when he's inside reading the paper or whatever -- and when he comes to the door tell him you're the Love Police and you heard he's been a veerrry bad boy.....and then let your imagination take over.:)  Try it for sh!ts and giggles and see what happens.:)

    Try an adult school and sign up for some dance lessons. Mostly the dance lessons through adult schools are "couples only" anyway -- you'll have fun and get some exercise and it's something to learn together. (Intimacy also is doing things together outside of the bedroom.:) )

    (The rest of the ladies on these boards who have a no-sex problem get silence, divisiveness and empty promises)

    I have an idea:

    Why don't the both of you invest in little makeover?

    Great pick me up and it will improve your self confidence --- you get a new haircut, see what you can do about getting a makeover. Try a new haircolor, new style, some new clothes -- I think your H looks like he's balding in that photo (no offense) -- maybe he'd be up to shaving his head completely. Lots of the guys do it, both younger and older. There's something very attractive about an abashedly bald man.:)

    A red shade -- try a dark auburn -- would look fantastic on you. ((I went from a darkish brown to a dark auburn and I love it)

    Grow your hair a bit longer; let your hairstylist make some suggestions. A bit longer with layers wold look great on you.:) 

    I am suggesting the makeovers for you and for him so that you guys get to build your self confidence. Plus it doesn't hurt to look a bit more spiffier and a bit more attractive, either.:)

    If you look great, you feel great and this is a sure fire thing that will carry over to the bedroom.:) GL.

Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards