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I know this is not the right board, but...

I'm in a position where I really have baby on the brain, but at this point we're "not ready" to have a baby. We've only been married 3 months and I'm only 22, but I have this intense longing to be a mom. I'm also worried that because I have PCOS when we do start trying to get pregnant, I won't be able to, and the longer we wait, the worse I'm worried it'll be. We decided that we'd wait until we got a house and I reach my weight loss goal, but I find myself day dreaming of babies. 


I know this is the baby NOT on brain board, but I couldn't find one that seemed to fit. On top of just venting I really need advice on how to get over this awful feeling-- without actually getting pregnant. If you have any suggestions (or know which board I should actually post on) I would really appreciate your help 


Re: I know this is not the right board, but...

  • I agree.  There needs to be a "trying to decide about babies" and a "trying not to think about babies" board.

    Seems like lots of people feel this way right after the wedding.  After the wedding, you're used to being busy and looking for the next project.  Plus, everybody keeps asking you when you're having kids.  It can be tough not to think/obsess about babies.

    Get a new hobby, or go back to an old one that you've been neglecting while planning your wedding.  Do fun stuff with your H that you won't be able to do as easily with a kid.  Plan a vacation, a dinner party, a road trip, a girls night.  Save $ for your house.  Hang out with somebody who has kids if you really need a kid fix.    

  • It's funny you posted this because I am feeling the same way right now and was going to post something similar a few weeks ago. I was always a BNOTB person, in fact I was sure I didn't want to have children. But now that my friends are all pregnant and I enjoy being around their babies, it seems like I would like a "family". Soemtimes on the weekends my DH and I are not sure what to do with our time, luckily, we work hard during the week so we love to relax and hang out, but sometimes it feels like something is missing... like we should be doing something else besides "what we feel like", Maybe its good that we had a lot of time to do what we feel like. I'm pretty sure it is more me than DH having this feeling. I always feel the need to have a "project".

    Right now, my DH decided to go back to school and we are living off my salary. We can't afford to buy a home at this time. ANd I think if I had a house right now, my weekends would be filled with DIY home projects etc... so I know I just need "something" and not necessarily a "baby"

    Since we had this feeling that we wanted to fill our weekends,and we weren't sure it necessarily meant with "family" stuff, we both signed up to volunteer at a local dog rescue league for a breed we currently own. They have lots of events and things on the weekend. In addition, my husband is helping me work on building my own website and business that I have wanted to do for years.

    I am a bit older than you, I'll be 29 this year. So sometimes I feel like my life is at a bit of a "stand still" and maybe that is how you feel as well? I feel like we can't buy a home, have a baby, do "something" else it's like I am not progressing as I should be as an adult. But time moves fast, and you will NEVER get tis time back alone with your husband to enjoy being married. I remind myself that all the time and it helps.

    Also, from a personal point of view. I can't explain to you WHAT a different person I am now at 28 than I was at 22. you do so much growing between 21 and 25 it is insane. Take this time for you. Don't worry too mucha bout the PCOS you have plenty of time. Believe me, I decided that at 30 I need to start "worrying about my fertility"...just check with your Dr. see what their thoughts are on your condition and it effecting pregnancy. Even if you take a year or two to spend together in your marriage.... you will still be 24 if you decide to start having babies then.

    Also, don't forget babies are a LIFELONG commitment. It is bigger than buying a home or a car. you can't go back. And they are so expensive. Think an extra $100 a week at least on spending, especially in the beginning!!! Do you have that kind of disposable income?

    A baby is a privledge not a right, and while many people find they are able to "make it work" if they get pregnant before they are ready, it certainly isn't easy. A baby should come into a home that is emotionally and financially stable, so you can give it the best life that it deserves....something to think about.

  • Ps I also wanted to mention that I am also trying to lose weight before concieving, about 20-25 lbs. This is my goal...and I don't really want to be pregnant before I achieve it. I am not sure of your weight loss goal, but if you are getting off excess weight, it will be easy to carry the baby, you will be healthy, have less risks, and you don't have to worry about gaining excess weight on top of the weight you already have. (ie: I keep thinking If I lose an extra 20-25 lbs if I put on 25 lbs during the pregancy I am basically" breaking even" vs. adding another 25 lbs to my already overweight I can try to lose after the baby)

  • Yes, I wish there were a "trying to decide" board too :) Although, I am decided now, it is just DH who isn't quite ready yet!

     Anyways, I understand wanting to have children but like others have posted, sometimes you can do a lot of growing in your 20's. It is so much easier to travel, to just hang out with friends, to be spontaneous etc without children.

    I always thought I would have kids in my mid-twenties since I got married when I was 22, but it was not meant to be apparently, since I am 30 now. I too wonder if I will be able to have kid before it's "too late", but I also and so I know that if fertility does become an issue, we would consider adoption. That is something that has put my mind at ease somewhat, and it helps that I have a few friends who are adoptive parents.

    I don't have many helpful words of advice, sorry!



  • I feel like I'm in a similar position. DH and I are both still in school with two years left to graduation. Even though we both really want kids, we know it has to wait until we're done university.

    That said, now that our friends (who got married the same day as us haha) are expecting a baby, it has become even more of a distraction. They're a few years older than we are, but it's still making it harder to convince myself having a baby is out of the question for a few years yet. Hopefully I can content myself with babysitting for them!

  • We've been married for four months and, even in that short time, I have found myself thinking about babies. We're both 24, out of college with BAs, and have jobs (though not particularly ones that we like). We've agreed that we both want children and anytime I feel like I'm loosing time I remind myself that my mom didn't have me until she was 28 and my sister until she was 32. My goals to accomplish before I'm prepared to have children (prepared, not ready) is to loose several pounds, get a new job (one that I like, should it involve moving), and accumulate some more in our savings. 

    I always tell myself that, even though I might be ready for children, we're not prepared for them.  


  • I'm sort of in a similar place. We want kids, someday, but Husband is in school on the GI bill and I don't make a lot of money, plus I'm still paying student loans. We've been married for about 8 months now and I'll be 28 in April. I always said I wanted to wait a couple years for children and enjoy being married, but I find myself really wanting children, lately.
  • I know exactly what you mean.  This feels like the most suitable board for me because we aren't planning to have children anytime soon, but it seemed like after my wedding, I got baby fever really bad.  It's worse because we have fixed our house up a lot, DH just got a promotion, and I am about to finish school, so I wonder sometimes if it would really be so bad. 

    I definitely understand your concern about PCOS.  I don't have a reason to suspect anything, but sometimes I worry that if I wait too long (because we don't want to become pregnant anytime soon), that I might not be able to get pregnant for some reason or another.  I know quite a few people that have carried and delivered healthy babies with PCOS, so it is a disorder that can definitely be worked with. 

    I have a lot of friends and family that are having children, and all the babies sometimes make me want a little one of my own, but at the same time, I see the lack of freedom, the spit up everywhere, toddler tantrums, and it makes me appreciate what we have right now.  I don't have any real advice, I guess, since I feel the same that you do, but you might could look at it from the view that you can sleep late and cuddle with DH, go on vacations without babies, not spend a fortune on diapers, stay out late without any worries, etc. 

    Love my furbaby :) Birthday

    **6.30.12** I have found the one whom my soul loves.

  • I'm in the same boat, I've been with DH for almost 7years and married for almost 3, and I'm 24. I know there is a lot that I want to do/accomplish before having kids but that feeling is so strong.

    My suggestion for you would be if you can afford it get a pet like a dog or cat. If not there is always the Hobby idea, maybe try something you have always wanted to do. DH and I took a Fencing class together it was so much fun and we had more than just work and school to talk about.  

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