Family Matters
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have your ILs changed the way they treat you?

I'm guessing most of you had met and spent some time with your ILs before you got married.  Do you think they've changed the way they treat you since you first met?

 

I wish the clicky poll option worked.

 

1- It's the same.  ILs were great at first, and they're still great now.

2- It's the same.  ILs were bad at first, and they're still bad now.

3- It's changed and gotten better.

4- It's changed and gotten worse.

Re: have your ILs changed the way they treat you?

  • I'll go with option number 1. Love my ILs :)

  • I'm a 1 also. I have nice in-laws.  They've always been that way in the 12 years I've known them.

    I mean we have some issues and have definitely had disagreements but in general they're nice people who treat me well.

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  • Ditto 1, I love my in laws.. If they changed at all it's only gotten better since we have gotten to know each other more.
  • My FIL was dead before I met DH. His mom has passed, but she was always gracious and even more so once DS was born. She loved her some boy-child and was grateful I made the effort to share given the 700 miles between us.

    My one BIL was douchey at first, but he was sort of immature and douchey to eveyone back then. It wasn't personal. He's grown up a lot and is very nice to me and DS.

    Of the douchey BIL's wives- #1 was and is a sweetheart, #2 is a flaming nutjob and #3 seems lovely but I have met her IRL yet.

    My other BIL is sort of odd, kind of borderline autistic. We have always gotten along. LOL, when we would visit his friends would always assume he was my brother because he talks more with me than DH. Plus we're both short (he's a full foot shorter than DH) and we look kind of alike. His wife was outright nasty to me early on (DH dated her sister and declined a marriage ultimatum- so awkward) but she warmed up over time. Especially when I would watch her kids for weeks at a time so she could travel.

  • I like my in-laws as well. 
  • 1. while i get irritated at them every once in a while it's only because they care so much about DH and I that sometimes they take things a bit too far-but they're awesome and I love them dearly.
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  • #4 for me. I no longer speak to my MIL and she is Hs problem. For me it's better now! 
  • 1- It's the same.  ILs were great at first, and they're still great now.

     They really love me and made sure I knew it before I married their son. If anything they insist on showing MORE affection now, which actually makes me slightly uncomfortable, but I prefer it over the alternatives. 

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  • 1 for me. My in-laws are great and they always have been. I feel very fortunate because I know that others aren't so lucky. 

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  • image MLE2010:
    #4 for me. I no longer speak to my MIL and she is Hs problem. For me it's better now! 

     

    Glad I am not alone!  I am a #4 as well.

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  • My IL's are divorced and deserve different answers.

     MIL disliked me when we first started dating at the end of our senior year in high school. It had always been her and DH and she didn't want to "let go" of her baby just yet. As time went on, she started recognizing that I was part of her sons life and she accepted me. Now her and I get along great! So, things have changed for the better.

    FIL has treated me as his daughter since we started dating.  He includes me in all the special things they do for the kids and other daughter in law. He gets choice number one.

    BILs and SILs get number one as well :)

  • My in-laws were nice at first but as soon as we got serious they became mean I don't drink alcohol and they drink more then I think is is considered socially drinking. All they do is make fun of me. They then started being mean and picking on me for everything. I am a Scorpio so once I had enough that was it and I backlashed and gave the attitude back at them. Now my mother in law and sister in law HATE me and I loath them. My husband even got into a huge fight with them on Christmas that they started. I am also gluten free for medical reasons and they just don't get that and add that to the list of making fun of me. They actually act like I'm gluten free just to annoy them at family dinners. I cry all the time about them and my husband and I only ever argue about them. They have put such a strain on our relationship and we have only been married a few. months. 

    They are soooo touchy!! Everything I say is wrong. My mother in law actually yelled at me and is offended that I didn't take a photo with her at my shower. REALLY!? Did you ask to take a photo with me? Did you even talk to me? Did you buy me the wrong crystal glasses on purpose since I said I don't like chunky crystal? Did you do anything substantial to help? Did I remember to take a photo with my own grandmother who is now on her death bed? No because i was overwhelmed and was barely taking in the whirl wind that was racing by me! This is all of course my fault according to them!  

    I am not at all saying that I didn't contribute sure when they messed with me I gave it back. When I don't want to be around there friend's obnoxious undisciplined children and I was told I just dislike all children and I told him no I just dislike misbehaved ones perhaps I should have kept my mouth shut but they have pushed me over the line.

    I am sorry to vent here but I have no one else to talk to! My husband just feels in the middle, my friends don't get it as they are either not married or have amazing in laws, and I'm to embarrassed to tell my own family how bad this is. I don't want my family to then dislike them for being mean to their daughter. 

    I don't know what to do please help me! I all ready talked to my mother in law before the wedding about this and nothing changed. She actually kept telling my husband don't worry we love you and he kept saying but we are a we Nicole is a part of me. She continued to just exclude my name.

    I tried to act like my sister in laws best friend and invited her everywhere with me and she never invited back and rarely excepted my invite. She actually even told a cousin who I am friends with that she hates me and all ways will. REALLY?!  

     There is NO POINT in talking to them and nothing changes. Please help me! 

  • To make it even worst I used to always want a big family with several children now I don't want any. I don't want to bring children into a family where their grandmother and aunt and uncle will hate them because they all ready hate the children's mother. I don't want my children around people who don't believe in discipline and laugh when children misbehave and hit and yell! This now to has become an issue with my husband. I swear this hate between his family and me is ruining our marriage....
  • I would go with a 4. Things were great at first, but as they got more comfortable they seemed to begin to disrespect boundaries. They make decisions about going to or not going to a family event and then if they don't like the results of their decision it is our fault.

    My husband is a good man and does what he is told by his family or what he thinks is the right thing to do to take care of them, when he doesn't bend to their will they berate him and me.

    I finally stuck up for us and said they owed my husband an apology( they didn't like a baby book that was given as a christmas gift bc it didn't have a pic of my MIL in it- She thinks she is fat and will not let anyone ever take pictures of her unless they are professional photographers) so they decided on my husbands Birthday to call, berate him and said  he was lazy and didn't try hard enough to get a pro photographer out there and tell them we were doing the gift.

    Anyway- told them we tried explained my case and said I felt they owed their son an apology. I got a ranting scathing email back calling me immature and tha I do not understand how families work. (Keep in mind, neither of their siblings, parents or even the other four kids have a relationship with these two).

    Have no idea where to go from here, my husband feels like he has lost his family. I miss the relationship we had, and I want my daughter to be bale to spend time with her grandparents- I don't want her to have to miss out on that.

     

    Any Advice?

     

     

  • 3 for me. My ILs have never treated me badly, but there were times when we struggled to communicate effectively with each other. I would get my feelings hurt because I misinterpreted their bluntness as rudeness, and they didn't really know what to do with me since I was the first serious girlfriend to be brought home to meet the parents. But since I've been around for a few years, we have all learned how to get along and truly rely on each other. I'm very fortunate to have such a great relationship with my husband's folks.
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  • Well, after my ILs met me for the first time, my (then future) FIL told DH to stop dating me.  When we announced our engagement, MIL cried for four hours and they were NOT tears of joy, and FIL sent DH an audio tape and later wrote a four page letter, both of which were about his demands that DH break the engagement.  For a while, odds were good that they were going to boycott the wedding, and although they did show up to this day I wonder how much of that was simply to avoid looking bad in front of the rest of the family, much of which thought they were being ridiculous about the whole thing.

    We've been married for almost 12 years and have two kids, whom my ILs adore.  They have realized that 1) I'm a good person (not that they really ever thought I wasn't...their objections were religious in nature as in I'm not the same one they are and therefore DH could not have a Church wedding), and 2) I'm not going anywyere.  With maybe a dash of 3) I control access to the much adored grandchildren thrown in for good measure.

    So I have to go with door #3...it's changed and gotten (A LOT) better. 

  • not IL yet, but FMIL is a 3. Was horrible at first, talking about BOTH of us behind our backs and insinuating that I was trapping him, etc. Now, at least being nice via email. Sent me a birthday card that I thanked her for and she was nice in response again, so hopeful for a IL-stress free wedding day soon.

     

  • I'm going with three but a lot has happened since I first started dating my husband, number one being his dad left his girlfriend. That made things a ton better. 
  • I can totally relate to everything you said.  My mother in law is a total b--ch! She asked if I could go with her to pick out a dress for her for the wedding.  I found the perfect dress and she bought it.  Then at my shower, where she didn't talk to anyone, she told me she hated it and was returning it.  I showed her a picture of me in my dress and she said I looked fat and needed to lose weight. I've only been married 7 months and she offered to pay for the whole wedding only if I used her caterer and photographer, etc......  Well, I met with "her" people and they did HORRIBLE work. I found my own people to use and she flipped out and said she wasn't paying for anything and then she wasn't even going to come, which I was thankful for. My grandmother in law and I get along extremely well and she offered to step in and my parents stepped in too. Well that really tipped my MIL off and she had to get in on the game again. So we let her, as long as we went with what WE wanted. We did and then at the wedding, she went around telling everyone that she paid for everything, when she didn't.  Then, I have an 8 year old boy who was the ring bearer, but he was leaving the reception since we had a no kids reception. She flipped out and left the reception because he wanted something to eat before he went to a friend's house.

    A few weeks later, we were all out to eat, with the grandmother that adores me and she introduced me as Mrs. So and So and my MIL said you will never be called by that name.  I looked at her and said to her face, "I am tired of your s**t, I will not take any more cr*p from you.  This is now my last name, I married your son, get over it."  So now we tolerate each other, lol.....But my FIL treats me like family and always has from the beginning.  I call him dad and he's even called me daughter sometimes, lol.  He wants a grandbaby, but not the MIL.

    I have a BIL that I don't really talk to and his girlfriend is shaddy so I don't talk to her.  My SIL, I feel bad for, she has issues that I've been through too, so I try to be there for her and talk since we are close in age and both mothers.

    I feel your pain.

  • #3 My husbands family was a bit standoffish and rude when we first met and over time when they realized I was wasnt going anywhere and I will continue to speak my mind they came around. Once we started getting SERIOUS and later married they have gotten better. My relationship has improved overtime with my MIL and thats a good thing.....we used to go toe to toe! Every once in a while I have to tell her  to stay in her lane but all is well!
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  • I've been very blessed to have great IL's. The first couple years we were together I didn't have a driver's licence yet and my then boyfriend was away at college, but every time they were going down to the city they offered to take me with... and over the five hour car rides we got to know each other very well! This Christmas we stayed at their place for two weeks and it was a great holiday.

    BIL is only a year younger than me and in our small town that means you end up doing a lot of things together. Our families used to laugh because we spent more time together than DH and I haha.

    SIL has also been great, and was really helpful with wedding stuff. Looking forward to her wedding this summer, her fiance is also an awesome guy!

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  • My in-laws are a little overboard. They mean well, but sometimes they don't realize they are pushing the boundries. There just seems to be times that they feel the need to step in and I feel like, I am 27, married and a mother, I can handle big girl decisions without everyone elses input. They also seem to still rely on my husband a little more than I hoped. His mom calls him everytime his dad has a union meeting and could be laid off, or his brother does something stupid. I dont really know if they just feel like they should or if they are looking for his help with things. They are still nice and loving and I know they just want to help or still feel the same closeness with their son as they did before we moved 45 mins. away
  • 3- It's changed and gotten better.

     

    My mother in law would never include me and now she does lol She even text me the new garage door code! Which I will use or need but she includes me... It weird but nice! 

  • 3 for mil and fil, 2 for the sil's. absolutely hate the sil's and wish they would die.
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