Married Life
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When Did You Start Feeling "Married"?

2

Re: When Did You Start Feeling "Married"?

  • I'm new here but I figured I'd respond to this one... We got married in October, and I have to say that it's pretty much the same, though we get the "how's married life" question all the time. We had been living together and had a joint checking account before marriage, and I didn't change my name at all so no one calls me "Mrs. HisLastName", and if they do, I generally correct them. All of that being said, I recently found out that we are expecting a baby so I think I am starting to feel married with all of the talking about the baby and the health insurance and money and everything else.
  • I guess it was different for us....we didn't move in together, share expenses, or anything until we got married so we felt the difference.

     

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  • imagecudababy71:
    I'm with you. I got married in October '12 and previous to that we had lived together and shared expenses, pets, all that jazz. So when people ask me, and they do all the time, how married life is I can honestly tell them it's not different from being engaged etc. And I personally think that's a good thing.

    I agree, we got married in September and the only thing we did was open a joint account. I can't lie I still love calling him my husband and when he calks me his wife. Other then that I think we already felt married with having a dog, living together, and joint expenses. I did love being able to buy him the husband Christmas and birthday card. :) 

  • Welp, this is my mom's pet peeve with "living together before marriage" she said that is why I feel the same. DH and I lived together for two years before we got married, shared finances and had a dog. So not much felt like it changed.

    However, I do feel like its more concrete now. Not that it would happen, but before, if things weren't working out... well it just wouldn't "work out" and we could both go on our separate ways.

    Now it feels like if we were to split it just isn't that easy,a nd maybe it would make you work on things a bit harder.

    Plus a marriage to me is such a serious thing, like a"unit" nad so i think it makes our relationship "set in stone".

    Also, now I don't do as many things without running it by my husband. IE i used to always go get a mani pedi and would come home later etc. now i call first and ask if he had any plans for us and if its ok if i spend the money lol. a silly little thing, but still.

  • Not only did we not live together before we got married, the majority of our time dating (including all but one month of our engagement!) was spent long-distance. When we finally did get married and move in together in a city that was new to me, it was definitely a huge change! 

    That being said, it took me a while to "feel married." I loved getting to spend so much time together but it didn't really hit me until I began to use his last name and to introduce myself to people with it haha. Also, meeting people who refer to me as "___'s wife" is still taking some getting used to!

    Anniversary
  • Agree with you! For us it changed too even after living together for 3 yrs (out of 7) and having a dog. We felt a lot more connected and really like a new family of our own, our priorities changed and even our families treat us different. All was a change for the best and we had no idea (most importantly no hopes) for it to be this amazing!!
  • For me, changing my name and actually getting married and having my dream wedding made it real. We were together for 3 years before we got engaged (lived together for 2) and when we got married we had been together for 4 1/2 years.
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  • I asked myself the same question not very long ago. I was married in march of '12. I think it is an all newlyweds kind of thing. My husband and I hadn't lived together, didn't have any pets or anything. So getting married was a big change but I was still waiting for this big moment as well. And I don't think there ever is this huge moment where go aha!! I am married!!  I think it was in all the small moments that I really felt...married. Just spending our lives together, and planning our future together, like  when we started using we instead of I, it's all these moments put together. That was my aha moment.  I think since you've been together for 2 years and are so close that it might be harder to see these moments only because you are already used to having him around, which I think is a great thing.  Good luck with everything, and I really hope some day you have your aha moment(s)!!!!!
  • After the honeymoon! And after our first big argument . Lol :)
  • Same here - things are fairly the same - so I don't really have any answer for you, but if all these people feel the same, at least you know you're not alone. :-)
    xoxoxo
    Lauranette

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  • You know, I've wondered about this for a while, and I'm glad to see its not just me! My husband and I have been married since Oct. 2010, and we STILL don't feel "married". We even did things traditionally and waited to move in together and consummate things (tmi, sorry) until after we got married. We just feel like...US. I'd like to think it's a good thing, like we were already so close that getting married just added sex and fewer bills to pay. ;) 

      

  • A lot of people think that a change after you get married is the most common thing. But if you think about it, the best thing that can happen is that nothing changes; he or she will still be your best friend! you two will still love each other the same way or even more.

    So just enjoy the new benefits of being married, and continue having fun!!

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  • it feels stronger to me. i've been married almost a year, 2 more months and it will be a year, we had lived together 8 years before and have been together a total of almost 10 years. (we met when we were 17 and have been together since).

     

    anyway, it feels stronger. i don't know when it felt different, it just does. it seems like the same but stronger.Smile

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  • I have been married for almost 9 months. To be honest, I think the last 3 months have really felt different from when we were just engaged (even though we were living together). 

    I can say now that there is definitely a difference in our relationship as a married couple. It isn't necessarily a bad thing, we have had arguments and power struggles of sorts, but sometimes it takes that to realize how to relate to one another and coexist in the same household.  

    One thing that has shifted in our relationship is that I am now responsible for all of the household chores. He no longer picks up after himself. Although,he is very handy and is able to fix anything that needs attention around the house. So I guess in that aspect it evens out.

    I am learning to pick my battles and let the little stuff go, in order to keep the peace between us. 

     

  • Would you mind terribly checking out my message board question?  I think from your response that you specifically would be able to help me out because you are a Christian.  Thanks. :)
  • I guess I experienced this differently. I'm catholic and so my husband and I didn't share a place until a week before we got married (extentuating circumstance). I guess I didn't feel married until about a few months later when my name change went through and someone called me Mrs. K- in a doctor's waiting room. Then it struck me, I think.
    Anniversary
  • My husband and I just recently got married in January and that must be the most frequently asked question... "How does it feel to be married?" Honestly I dont think it really feels very different. Just the fact that my last name has changed, that is the only big change. Other than that, it feels that same as before.

    Anniversary
  • When the sex has slowed down... Hahaha 
    ~* Diana *~ ~* October 9, 2010 *~

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  • We lived together for a year first, and honestly for the first year or 2 it would just strike us both at random times. Almost 7 years later it's still a strange thought once in a while.
    First comes Love: Nov. 11, 2004. Then Marriage: Aug. 23, 2006. Baby???? Buckets of love to my BFPB FunNSunAZ - Carter is here!!! Formerly buttercupaug 06 - and I was almost silver :( Bloggity ReflectionsFollow Me on Pinterest <a href="http://s759.photobucket.com/albums/xx232/stmueller/Decorated images/?action=view
  • I felt married as soon as the ceremony was over and I said "We're married!" But I didn't feel like a *wife* until almost 2 years later, since it took us that long to move in together (military).

    We're about to hit our 5th anniversary in the summer, and I'm still in awe that I'm Mrs. Him.

  • I think a couple feels married after they move in together regardless if they actually get married or not.
  • We didn't live together or share bills prior to getting married so I felt a difference right away. It didn't become 'real' until we had our first argument.
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  • I lived with hubs for a little over 2 years and we dated a total of 5 years before tying the know, but I know the exact moment I felt married to him.

     We got married Sept '12 and in October '12 I got a call from him that he had been in an accident, and that he was okay I just needed to come pick him up. Well I go to pick him up and there are cop cars and fire engines, lights are flashing, sirens going just total chaos. I pull up and see the car my husband had been driving totally and completely demolished, I mean destroyed.. a cop approached me and says "keep moving ma'am" and I choke out the words "my ..." ...and I had to think... Boyfriend? No. Fiance? No. Husband, yes husband "HUSBAND was in that car" and point to the now pile of metal on the side of the road. That is when it hit me that we were married and I had just come so close to losing something I had just got, something so sweet and so wonderful. Since that moment I have cherished every minute of being married to my husband and it really has been different.

    As an added note, after getting out of the car and talking to the police men they told me that they were dreading having to approach the scene because they thought there was going to be multiple fatalities. Yes, the scene was that ugly. Luckily, everyone involved walked away without a scratch, I don't even know how we were so blessed.

    Anniversary
  • I still sort of don't. I am pretty young, so I don't get addressed as Mrs. (or misaddressed as Miss, which would require a correction). I actually get mistaken for 18-20 a lot, which throws a lot of people off. (I am 24, but still in college and just look slightly younger than I am). 

    I guess the closest time is when I have to explain why certain debit cards and my insurance info has my maiden name and I have to tell that I was married. 

    Probably the first time I felt "married" was at MIL's house and I was cold and hubby snuck off to the closet where xmas gifts were hid and she scolded him and he joked that he was "trying to get his wife a blanket". 

    I was pretty prepared to not feel too different though. I am super realistic. We didn't live together long before marriage though. Only 3 months before "I do". 

    Maybe when we have kids it will feel different. Like, I imagine that once our first child it born there will be all these decisions that I have to make where I have to check with someone else first, it's not just my own anymore. And while we do have the same values, we probably will not agree on everything and we have different viewpoints and thoughts. So, I have to form a unity with my husband beyond what unity we think we already have. 

    Now- I can stay late at work and just shoot him a text. 
    Then- I have to make sure he is able to care for our child if I am stuck at work. 

    Now- I can make medical decisions for myself.
    Then- I need to double check with him to see if choice I make for our child is also one that he would agree upon.  

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  • We dated for 4.5 years before we got engaged and 2 of those years were long distance. We were engaged for 15 months and not until the year we got married did we look for places to live. Having never lived together and being independent individuals, we've made the transition in these short 3 weeks married well. Quirks arise, idiosyncrasies about preferences arise but the friendship and love that has matured in our 6 years together has made the newness of marriage and all that it entails a learning experience that we're both glad we waited for. It's still odd to answer to Mrs. _ but I wouldn't trade the way we went about our pathway to marriage.  
  • To be honest,

    We haven't felt tremendously different either (minus what someone had mentioned about the wedding stress thankfully being gone)... The only real difference we feel is a slight emotional touch of pride being able to refer to my best friend as my husband. 

    It feels good in a way not to feel any different. No holding back has always been the rule in our relationship so it's nice to know there won't be any awkward transitioning of my husband discovering that girls poop too and that we don't wake up "beautiful." Some women (sadly) have to cope with that in their marriages at first.

    Consider yourself blessed that you get to bypass the awkward phase <3
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  • imageEmilyD87:

    I had always known I was getting rid of my maiden name. It was one of those last names you grow up excited that one day you will get married and get rid of it. (I had quite a few people growing up who would get embarrassed or avoid saying it at all.) I guess it was just the way she said it but it really hit home. As much my maiden name had been a problem, the struggles I went through because of it are a big part of me.

    Ditto! So excited to change my last name, yet such an identity crisis when it actually changes!! Hearing other people refer to me with my new last name is when it "feels" different being married than single. 

     

  • My hubby and I got married just a measly 10 days ago. I don't think we really feel any different than before. I consider this a good thing. Nothing feels different although I will eventually have to change my name and marital status on all of the documents etc. and maybe then when im filling out something and ahve to put Mrs. Firstname NewLastName then it will feel real maybe. But, if youre anything like me you've been practising the new name forever anyway. haha

  • It isn't necessarily that you feel different, but society treats you differently ? you're a wife, he's a husband and we all know what that means. Sadly, if often means very defined gender roles, even if you're trying to bust free from that. So instead, we kind of internalize what "wife" and "husband" mean and perhaps start acting as a "wife" "should." Those roles are not clearly defined if you're just living together.
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