Married Life
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When Did You Start Feeling "Married"?

My husband and I have not been married very long, but people keep asking us "does it feel any different now that you are married"? We moved out of the country together before we got engaged and have had a joint checking account for a while. We have cats and had lived together for two years previously..

I think when I imagined our wedding in my head, there was supposed to be some sort of life altering change after we exchanged rings. However, right after our ceremony both of us agreed that there wasn't any change and that we are still just us.

 We keep using "husband" and "wife" when addressing each other at home to be cute, but there still doesn't seem to be any difference in our relationship. A co-worker of his said that is a good thing since we are already so close.

When did you and your spouse start feeling married instead of together? Was it after a certain amount of time? After a certain life event?

MindyMWM
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Re: When Did You Start Feeling "Married"?

  • I'm with you. I got married in October '12 and previous to that we had lived together and shared expenses, pets, all that jazz. So when people ask me, and they do all the time, how married life is I can honestly tell them it's not different from being engaged etc. And I personally think that's a good thing.
    jackiebrim
  • To me it feels like BEFORE we were engaged since I was so stressed during our short engagement with planning the wedding! Glad to hear we aren't just an odd pair!

     

     

    MindyMWM
  • Congrats! 

    We've always said we didn't expect anything to change when we got married - we were living together like PPs. So I'm not confused or disappointed that I don't feel any more "married" than before. I think if anything, it's a good sign - if a couple gets married hoping something fundamental will change they are likely to be disappointed, and if they make changes when they get married, will they really last?

    On the other hand, I'm still waiting for the "I can't believe we got married" and "I can't believe it's already been x amount of time" thoughts to go away. Maybe I'll have to wait until a new title overshadows "wife/Mrs." in my mind - mom? Dr.? I'm sure one of those will do it, if time doesn't get to me first.

    Side note: I think just now was the first time it has really hit me that I'm Mrs. LastName. I have just been calling myself FirstName LastName since the wedding. Mrs? EEK!

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  • imageApollo11235:

    Side note: I think just now was the first time it has really hit me that I'm Mrs. LastName. I have just been calling myself FirstName LastName since the wedding. Mrs? EEK!

    This is what gets to me too! I'm a Mrs!!

  • We had been together for many years and living together for a little while before officially being "married" so it did sort of feel exactly the same. People asked me and that's what I said. The only difference since being engaged is that I am doing part-time work, looking for a full-time position. My H has really stepped up and been so caring and supportive during this time, in a way that I never needed him to be before, so that has changed for me. But I am sure that would have happened in our relationship no matter what. I think unless you weren't living with your husband before, then the change shouldn't be that drastic. That's how you know you picked the right one!
  • I agree with the others. Nothing much has changed, we still feel the same. Like PP's, DH and I already lived together before we got married, actually before we got engaged. The only difference is my name and the fact that we get to call each other husband and wife- which is pretty awesome!
  • After the first HUGE fight.
  • My husband and I did not live together before we got married, so it hit me that I was married when I moved into the apartment with him. Big Smile

  • My husband and I lived together and shared finance and had dogs for two years before we got married. Honestly it never felt any different then, although it was very weird for me to change my last name. We have been married for just over a year now and had our DD and now it feels like we are a new family unit. Mom, Dad, Baby and the three crazy mutts! 
  • Like many pp, we lived together, shared expenses, a pet, etc. so these things were not new to us.  Our relationship hasn't changed much since our wedding in June and I consider that a good thing.  What has been a new experience for me is my new last name.  I didn't immediately change it, so I was already enrolled in school when I did, and they can't change it until the end of the semester.  So I had to keep up with these two names and looked like a twit when I didn't know which name a particular organization had me under.  For me, personally, it sunk in more that we were a family now, sharing the same name.  
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  • We've been married a year and a half but have been together over 16 years and living under the same roof for 14 of those, yet marriage did change something at a level that I can't even describe. It's all so much sweeter and more intimate. Suddenly it was as if we had this new quality that tied us together stronger than before, something I didn't even think was possible. We're still basking in it.

  • imageBeckyOff:
    After the first HUGE fight.

    Yep. This.  When it occurred to me I'd need to hire a lawyer if I wanted to throw him out :)

    But for real, not until 6 years into marriage and 10 years into the relationship when we had a baby.  Now I really feel married.

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  • He was lodging at my parents house, so we 'technically' lived together, and had already started doing our own food shopping and stuff. But being Christians, we didn't sleep together before we were married. So, I guess once that happened. We felt married. Lol :-)
    Anniversary
  • imageHeatherTeacher:

    My husband and I did not live together before we got married, so it hit me that I was married when I moved into the apartment with him. Big Smile

    Same here


  • People treated us like we were married long before we actually got married, so I guess I actually felt like I was married before the wedding!

    I think it's good that the wedding didn't change us - we already functioned well together and we're just continuing to do the same.  

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  • Hubby and I were living together for 5 yrs and we've been married for 8 months, so nothing really feels different except for being called Mrs.____ and calling him my husband. I kinda do feel "married" since we are working on creating a will, merging accounts, and filing for taxes together this year, but it's really not a bad thing...just hard to adjust in that way...

  • DH and I did not live together before we got married but we never did start feeling "married." I think that feeling does not exist. We have been married 1 year and 4 months and I don't think I felt "married" yet.

    There has been times where I feel like we bicker like an old married couple. lol.

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  • Our day to day life is the same (We lived together and shared expenses and we have our cat) but I do feel a stronger level of commitment now that we are married.  Not that different but it is nice to have a stronger bond.
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  • H and I did not live together before we got married, so when we moved into our house, that was a big change.  

    I don't think I really felt "married" until I changed my name, which was about a month after the wedding.

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  • I think it hit me when I moved in after our wedding and then a month later with the positive Pregnancy test. we had a pretty fast relationship we were only dating for 8 months got married 3 months later got pregnant a month later ( that was not expected)  I think we started to get married once the pregnancy set in.
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  • We got married in October, so not very long ago either. It still feels like it did before (we had already bought a house together, shared bills, etc.). The weird thing for me is saying my new last name, or calling myself Mrs.. It doesn't help that at work, I still go by my maiden name because I am a nurse and everything still has to be processed by the board (dragging my feet on the paperwork blah), so maybe it will feel more real when it's done. But, I think with nearly 25years with the same last name, 2 months isn't enough to make it feel like mine yet. Maybe we will feel more "married" when a big life event comes up. I guess we will see!
  • We also got married in October '12. I don't really feel any different than before. We already lived together, co-mingled finances and shared everything. I do get the "yay, I'm married" giddiness sometimes though. lol.
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  • imageMindyMWM2012:

    To me it feels like BEFORE we were engaged since I was so stressed during our short engagement with planning the wedding! Glad to hear we aren't just an odd pair!

     

     

    Ditto to this! 

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    nmr06212
  • I felt married to my husband somewhere around the 8th month of us being "together", we got married so everyone else could see how we feel.
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  • My husband and I didn't live together before we got married, but I have known him since I was a child. Honestly, it doesn't really feel any different to me. However, we got married only a month ago and are living with his parents because he doesn't know where he will be doing his residency as a doctor until February so that might have something to do with it.
  • Just like most of the PPs, DH and I lived together, shared bills, bought a house and have pets together. Our relationship hasn't really changed. We are both 25 but I feel like people take us both more seriously now that we are married. Then there is the whole name change weirdness.

    Before our wedding one of my bridesmaids said "From now on everyone you meet will know you as FirstName NewLastName instead of FirstName MaidenName! " I had always known I was getting rid of my maiden name. It was one of those last names you grow up excited that one day you will get married and get rid of it. (I had quite a few people growing up who would get embarrassed or avoid saying it at all.) I guess it was just the way she said it but it really hit home. As much my maiden name had been a problem, the struggles I went through because of it are a big part of me.

    I recently started a new job. Everyone there knows me by my married name. I still have to think when I introduce myself, sign anything or respond when someone calls my name. I have this new identity that was created by our marriage. I guess that means I can say I've started to "feel married".

    Anniversary
  • Our wedding isn't until April but I have felt married since we decided to TTC soon. For us that's a much larger commitment than marriage. I'm divorced and know there was no magical change after my first wedding. FI are only getting married since we already decided we wanted to be parents together. 
  • My husband and I are newlyweds but this will be our 7th year together and we've been living together for over 3 years. We were always close but for some reason it just seems like we have a stronger bond now more than ever.  I feel a lot closer to him since we've gotten married. But for the most part, our routines and lazy days haven't changed much lol. We still do the same stuff :-)
    Carmelita Lemke
  • We have been married for over a year but since his work as a consultant keeps him away 90% of the time and he hasn't actually moved in I don't feel married. 

    I also am keeping my maiden name at work and haven't bothered to legally change it yet. But well I am partial to it.....So probably when the consulting gig is up and we live together.

    There certainly have been moments but mostly it's been the signing mr and mrs on the 4 wedding guest books since.  

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