January 2012 Weddings
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...frustration...vent/rant LONG

I am going to try and write this without being as cold hearted as possible. 

My sister's best friend found out in October she was pregnant. Now my sister's friend is 18 and I'm not her biggest fan, let's just leave it at that. But, my sister was very excited to be an "aunt" so I really just kept my mouth shut. 

In some recent conversations with my sister I found out that her friend was still smoking a pack of ciggs a day! And she was around her boyfriend all the time who was smoking pot around her. My sister was concerned which is why she was talking to me about it. I was very neutral about it, telling my sister she needed to talk to the friend about her concerns and how scared she was that something would happen to her friend and the baby. Inside, I was positively fuming. 

Today my sister texts me and tells me that her friend had lost her baby. She went in for an ultrasound to find out the baby's gender and they couldn't find her heartbeat. Further tests and whatnot concluded that baby girl was a stillborn. They believe it could possibly be because she was smoking and inhaling the pot but they won't be sure for a few more days.

I am not a huge fan of this girl but that in no way means I wanted this happen to her or her baby. But I'm stuck in a sticky situation here with myself. Part of me feels terrible for this girl. My sister has been friends with her since preschool so I've known her for quite a few years and I can not imagine what she is going through right now. The other, evil part of me is still fuming. Here T and me are TTC with no success and this girl gets pregnant. This is not a knock on teen or young moms at all. What ticks me off is how irresponsible she was exposing herself and this unborn child to these substances. Like I said, they are not 100 percent sure if those were the cause of this but even if they weren't, the baby was at risk for all sorts of birth defects and whatnot. I just can't put it into words how I feel. 

Maybe I'm ticked off because life isn't fair. T and I are ready for a baby and aren't getting one. She didn't want one, gets pregnant and is irresponsible and ultimately loses the child. I realize this happens all the time, all over the place so forgive me. But, this is the first encounter I've had personally so maybe that's why it's hitting me so hard. Maybe I'm just throwing a hissy fit like a two year old. I know there are thousands of couples out there that have been TTC for years while T and I have only been TTC for six months. I don't know, I just needed to someone to rant to and you lucky guys and gals are it. 

So, thanks for sticking it out and listening/reading.  

 01.21.2012---> I married a redhead I'm crazy about.

04.2016: IT'S A BOY! Elias Alan is due!

WDW trips: 05/14 (1st trip! Art of Animation; Little Mermaid), 05/15 (Pop Century!). DL Trips: 12/15


Re: ...frustration...vent/rant LONG

  • That is so sad. I couldn't imagine finding out at week 20 or so that the baby was stillborn. That must be so heartbreaking.

    I would feel the same way as you. Life isn't fair sometimes but you have to look at it this way, at least it wasn't you finding out that your baby died. That would be sooooooo terrible. 

    You and T's time will come when the time is right. 

    Married the love of my life on 1-21-12. Our princess arrived on 5-28-13.
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  • You are not cold hearted for feeling this way. Just human. It's not like you voiced all that to the girl or your sister. Feelings are neither right nor wrong; it's how you handle them that matters.

    It is tough to see other get these amazing opportunities and then see them not appreciate it as much as you know you would. Just know that you will be an AMAZING mother and your time will be here really soon.
    Sending happy and hopeful thoughts your way :) It will all work out. And know this is a safe place to rant like this :)
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  • Thanks Ladies. Both of your post really helped. True, at least I'm not finding out it was my baby that was stillborn. I honestly can't not imagine how she's feeling right now and I feel for her. I really really honestly do. I never want anyone to have to go through that. But like Michelle said...it's frustrating to see an amazing opportunity and not see it appreciated. 

    I know our time will come. Sometimes I just need a cold splash of reality to tell me "You're only 21! Chill out!" But this news comes after two BFN, no AF and no explanation.....just kind of hit me and hit me the wrong way. (I know, I need to get into the doctor but my health insurance is whack. After the first of the year T's going to get it straightened out since I'm covered under his employer. Hopeful I can get in to an OB/GYN and figure out what's wrong.)  

     01.21.2012---> I married a redhead I'm crazy about.

    04.2016: IT'S A BOY! Elias Alan is due!

    WDW trips: 05/14 (1st trip! Art of Animation; Little Mermaid), 05/15 (Pop Century!). DL Trips: 12/15


  • I always look at things as though they are supposed to happen, no matter how terrible they might be. Yes, it doesn't seem fair, but there is a reason that you are not getting pregnant right now. You may not know it yet, but I know there is. Hopefully your sisters friend learned a lesson from this, and will have her next pregnancy when she too is ready.
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