Let me start by saying that this probably falls under the 'MYOB' category, but you know, sometimes it's really hard when it's your own parents and you are witnessing them on the verge of financial ruin. And I apologize if this is long (again) - I just need to vent.
For as long as I can remember, my parents have always had financial problems in one form or another. How bad it was in the past, I don't really know because they did a pretty good job of keeping it from me when I was younger, but now that I'm older, I see things for what they are and it's not pretty. I think it's pretty safe to say that it's pretty much rock bottom for them. My parents have 2 mortgages on their house, god only knows how much they have in credit card debt, but I suspect that a few of those cards have been cut off, so I can only imagine how much debt it must be - they don't even pick up the phone at their house anymore because usually it's bill collectors. (my mom actually told my H this) Luckily, they have never ever asked me or H for help financially, and I?m sure they never would only because they aren't the type of people to do that. (pride) Either way, we aren't even in any position to help them financially, nor would we ever. H & I are both on the same page about this so we are mentally prepared if it ever did happen. I've offered my mother advice in hopes that she would take it to get out of the financial hole they are in, so has my H, and every single time, it's been one excuse or another, so we just gave up because we feel like it's pointless. Amazingly enough, they somehow found money to blow on a 50something inch
LED television that my dad said cost them something like $2500. This was less than a year after he dropped like $2000 on a HUGE apple desktop computer. Meanwhile, my mother is always pissing and moaning about the fact that they never have money to take a proper vacation. And then will make snide remarks to me about how it must be nice that my H & I go on vacation. (Wellllll.....if they didn't spend $2500 on a stupid tv, maybe they'd have money for vacation.) Oh yea, nothing is ever their fault either when it comes to the financial problems. Not sure how they figure that, but it's always some excuse.
One other thing I should mention too - my dad is perpetually out of work. When I was younger, he was working fairly steadily, but even back then, there were long stretches of time where he was not working. Currently, he's supposed to be part of a union, and I thought that the whole point of being with a union was so you would have somewhat steady work, but ever since he's joined, which was about 6-7 years ago, he's been out of work more than he's actually been working. And yet, he still pays union dues, for what reason, I have no clue. Oh and ps - his unemployment just ran out, so they are living off my mother's salary, which is not nearly enough to cover the mountain of debt piling up. My mother, on the other hand, has always worked. Because my dad is out of work and has no unemployment coming in either, she's actually considering getting a 2nd job. Meanwhile wtf is my dad doing? In my entire life, my mother has been laid off a total of 2 times, and luckily both times it happened, my dad was working, but the minute my mother would start a new job, all of a sudden my dad finds himself out of work again. And the cycle repeats. I'm not there, so I have no idea what my dad is even doing in terms of looking for a new job - my mother told me that she sends out his resume to places, but he never hears anything. (supposedly) This, the financial stuff, and then another situation that I won't even get into because that is longer and even more complicated, is definitely taking a toll. My mother has become bitter, nasty at times, depressed, and seriously hates on pretty much everything these days and is so negative. I hardly ever call her anymore because I just can't deal. What really cracks me up about all of this - she actually told me that she ordered some sort of Christmas gift for my dad that was $500, then in the same sentence, tells me that she has to cancel it now since she has no money. I wanted to scream at her....whyyyyyyyyy would you even order something like this when you have no money?????? Thankfully, my parents live 2.5 hours away, so I don't even see them so
much - but a lot of it has to do with me not wanting to deal with
the bs that goes on in their house anymore because I never really know what the mood is going to be when I?m there. It sucks too because I don't want to have this kind of relationship with my parents.
Oh yea, I posted not too long ago about some issues with my brother too, and I have a feeling that his issues may be stemming from what is going on at home since he is still living with our parents and this is what he sees on a daily basis. Whenever I try to ask him about this, he says everything is fine, but I know that it's not based on what my mother tells me. Maybe he doesn't know what's going on or how serious it is, but I cannot imagine it because any time my H & I have gone to visit, they tend to fight - a lot - and right in front of us. I'm pretty sure it's like that on a regular basis, maybe even worse when we aren't there. I imagine that it's also negatively influencing him. Instead of it pushing him to do something to get the hell out of the house, it seems to be having the exact opposite effect. I?m thinking he sees that my dad is never working, so why should he and he thinks it's perfectly ok to be lazy. He is still in college though, so I could be totally wrong and he really is just that busy with school work.
Anyway, if you managed to read all of this mess, thanks....feel free to tell me I should be minding my business with this, but I?m sure many of you understand how hard it can be when it's your parents. I?m sure Tarpon will suggest that my mother should leave my father based on what I said here - and believe me, I've considered it, but I definitely do not feel that it is my place to even suggest such a thing. I keep hoping my mother will just come to that conclusion on her own...is it wrong for me to feel this way about my own parents?