This is a little long...sorry! Also posted on TK.
M and I have been engaged since September 2011. We decided to wait on wedding plans until we purchased a house. We figured this would be the best approach since we are paying for the wedding ourselves. So we settled on the house and moved in March and have since been planning for the wedding next summer, 8.31.13.
So in June my mom pulled my sister and I aside and asked if I wanted to try on her wedding dress. She's never opened the box so we only knew what it looked like from pictures. She opened it and it's beautiful but it's a size 00. I would be lucky if I got my leg in the dress, literally. So I politely declined even though I said it was beautiful and it wouldn't fit. She said that I could alter it if I wanted to. But it wouldn't work and I don't want to destroy it, especially since my sister isn't married yet and may want to wear it.
So I went dress shopping with my mom, FMIL, and BM's. I found my dream dress and purchased it in August. My dress is ivory and there are pearls on it, so my sister thought I could maybe borrow a strand of pearls from my mom for the wedding. She asked and my mom said no.
So now we are in December and we still have over 8 months of planning to go. And I've been on Pinterest getting ideas for things and what have you. So I found a beautiful bouquet that incorporated lace from the Mother of the Bride's wedding dress as the something old. I thought this would be really sentimental to have a part of in the wedding. I asked my mom 2 weeks ago and she never responded.
Last night I was at my parents helping my sister decide what to take on vacation. So while I was there I asked my mom if she thought about it. And she snapped at me and said "I am NOT cutting up my wedding dress." And my Dad replied saying she was really offended and that she didn't know what to say because she didn't want me to get mad. And I wasn't mad that she said no. I made that clear. I apologized for asking her. But I told them I am mad about not getting a response from her. That's fine if she doesn't want to give a small piece of lace from the dress, but she could have told me in a more respectful manner.
So I was talking with my sister while helping her pack. And I broke down crying. I try so hard to do the right things and make it seem like my mom cares. But the more I try, the more I get let down. This morning I woke up and she text me and said that she'll let me use her wedding handkerchief and a pearl bracelet. So I know my sister said something, if not her my Dad did to my Mom.
I decided that I'm going to decline the offer. I just want my mom to be involved in the wedding plans or at the very least WANT to be involved. Everyone else asks how the planning is going and she never asks or seems to care.
Any ideas on how to get my mom more interested in our wedding? Or should I just let it go and continue planning?