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Baby blues

The past months I have been back and forth about kids. For about a week or more during the month I REALLY want to start trying to have a baby. Then it starts to fade and I really just enjoy life with my husband. At first I thought that this was just a reaction to looking at the next step after getting married, but after searching myself and how much it has happened, I really do not believe that is it. My husband has been very supportive and most months is the reason I have come out of it, so I know our communication is not an issue. 

My husband and I are ok if we did have one now, but do not plan on starting to have children until we can buy a house, hopefully in about a year to year and 1/2.

I guess I was just curious if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if so, is there any advice you could give me?

Anniversary

Re: Baby blues

  • If you have a hobby, focus on that. If you don't, find a hobby. Focus on settling in with your DH and enjoying your time as just a couple.

    DH & I had been together for 8 years before we got married and there are still so many things that we enjoy doing as a couple (weekend trips, video gaming, etc) that we would really miss.

    Make a "baby bucket list" of the types of things (or even specific things) that you want to do BEFORE having kids. That's been our guiding principle and has worked well for the last 4 years. We're 3/4 of the way through our list and have made some compromises along the way.

    Good luck!

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  • I think this is perfectly natural. The idea of having a family is an amazing dream and thought. The idea of having a family right away is a lot bigger of a deal then just dreaming about it.

    DH and I thought about kids before we were married and once we were married we were living in a 700 sq ft 1 bedroom condo. We were in the process of renovating our home and knew it was not the right time. We have pushed back the date many times, mainly bc DH feels pressure with the house and finances.

    I know I am ready but DH hops between ready and not ready. You really need to think about everything here, finances, job status, maternity leave, living situation, health insurance, etc.

     


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  • If you know anything about your menstral cycle...its pretty normal for a week of every month to feel baby crazy...start keeping track and you will likely notice its the same week in your cycle on a regular basis...do not start trying for a baby just because hormones tell you its time.

    I don't think there is a "perfect time" to start a family...but I do think you and your husband both need to be ready emotionally and can at least provide for basic needs finantially. So don't rush into it. Have some serious conversations with DH on one of those times when the "wanting a baby" is on the back burner/fades, about the realistic expectations and changes that a baby would bring (read not in the middle of when your body is telling you you want one right now!) and then figure out if you are ready for that or not at this point.

  • It's completely normal. I second PPs suggestion of a Baby Bucket List.  Gives you something to focus on in the meantime.

    My general advice is to be married for at least 1-2 years before you think about TTC and if you want to own a house, do that first and live in it for a year so you get a better idea about the actual expenses and their effect on your finances.  DH and I were together for 10 years and married for 6 1/2 when DS was born and every day we're happy we had that time just the two of us.  We got everything out of our system and we both feel like it made adjusting to parenthood a lot easier.

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  • Although my circumstances are not exactly the same, I completely understand what you are feeling. 

    DH has 3 children from a previous marriage, and I have one.  Our children range from 13 to 17.  Our children are all self sufficient, and great kids.  With that being said, we still had days where we wonder if we should have had one together.  We went back and forth for a long time, but finally decided at our age (39-40), we didn't want to start over.  We love our lives right now.  Anyways, we made our decision, and I went to have my tubes tied.  Although I know it was the best decision, I think about it everyday. (more because I "can't" have anymore rather than because I "want" more)

    Point is....... Only the two of you know what is best.  PP was right, you can never be ready or have the timing for a child.  You will know when your ready!! GL

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