My fiance and I have been together for 2 years now.When we first started dating I cheated after 2 weeks.Just kissing at a bar. I had wanted an open relationship at the time and didn't think we were getting serious. We got past that and he forgave me. Then 1 year into our relationship I got an email from a girl, with pictures of text messages he had sent her. It was an old fling he used to have, just a girl he would hookup with after breakups, kind of his fallback girl. The text messages were from the night before when he went out with his friends. They said things like,"I'm sorry please talk to me, I don't know why I always feel this way when it comes to you. Brittany please I love you. Please talk to me.I just wish I was getting as much attention from you as your giving that guy."
I immediatly confronted him about them and just cried as I yelled at him. He said her was sorry and that it meant nothing. He said he was drunk and didn't feel like that about her. He kept saying he loved me but I couldn't be with him so I spent the night at a friends house.
I asked the girl if this was the first time. she said no that they have always talked, mostly as friends but it had recently started to get more serious. He would vent to her about our relationship. Telling her that all we do is argue and fight all the time, that we never have sex and the only reason he stayed with me is because we bought a car together and my parents got him his job. She said that he asked to hangout with her while I was out of town but they never hungout. They hadn't even seen eachother in over a year. So the relationship was mostly just text messages.
I did finally talk to him about everything and told him if he really loved her, I would hold him back from being with her. I want you to be happy and don't want you to think you have to stay with me. He said he loved me and that he wanted to work on our relationship. I asked him to write me a letter on why he thinks we should stay together and why he loves me. I think it really helped and I agreed to stay with him.
It has been a year now since this happened but I haven't fully gotten over it. Our relationship is a lot better now and we have grown from the unpleasant experience. I just can't help but be insecure about myself now. I caught myself checking his phone and emails to see if he still talks to her, or any girl intimately. I feel horrible doing it but I don't fully trust him anymore. I feel like im expecting him to cheat now. I don't know how to get over this.
I love him very much, but The situation hurt me so much more because he said he loved her.Plus I did so much more when I cheated, but now that we're in love it just killed me.
If you have any advice please share. =]