Sex & Romance
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No Sex life

My husband and I have been married since July...and lived together for 6 months before that...and we have no sex life...sure we have sex once a week or so but it's nothing like I thought it would be (every day, multiple times a day, basically like rabbits....).

 On top of that he is having a hard time lasting very long...most likely because we don't have sex that often but now he is to the point where he doesn't want to have sex because he thinks he will finish before I will and that I will get no enjoyment out of it. 

 Any suggestions?  

Re: No Sex life

  • Several things.

    1. Once a week seems to be pretty typical for an established relationship. It's certainly not 'no sex life.' People have posted on here about not having sex for six months, a year, or more.

    2.  The vast majority of all men worldwide last only a few minutes from penetration to ejaculation. In contrast, it takes the average woman 20-30 minutes or more to reach orgasm. This is why foreplay is so vital. If you've already climaxed or are very close before he even enters, chances are much better that you will both be satisfied.

  • Once a week seems fine to me. Twice a week would be great.:)

    Tell him exactly that.:)

    I am guessing he's still a little quick on the trigger, maybe due to inexperience or maybe due to some sort of an anxiety/psychological reason.

    There are many things you can do to slow him down:

    where he's sensitive, try not to touch him too much -- he can also use the old "think about baseball" trick or the "pretend you're screwing your math teacher" trick.

    You might also want to have him wear 2 condoms; that should help to desensitize him a bit.

    You and he might also want to look into seeing a sex therapist also.

  • Ask him to slow down or even pull out if he feels like he is getting close....During that time he can head down south and help you along.....When he enters you again he should be able to last a little longer.
  • Also you could try helping him to ejaculate BEFORE sex starts in ernest,...that way he will feel calmer and less excited as the tension build up with your arousal.

     

    The books of Dr Barbara Keesling are very helpful as they teach men a method of plotting and controlling their arousal pattern,...and 'kegel' type daily pelvic excercises will definately help too!

  • I don't have much advice, but I just wanted to chime in that I'm going through the exact same thing!  We are newlyweds (got married end of June), and have sex about once a week.  And I'm like you...I consider that "no sex life" ;-)  Or at least, it's not the passionate love life I expected to have as a newlywed.  I know it's not that helpful, but I just wanted to say you're not alone!  It makes me feel better to hear this isn't just us.
  • Agreed! Glad to hear its not just us too!
  • image stacey1508:
    I don't have much advice, but I just wanted to chime in that I'm going through the exact same thing!  We are newlyweds (got married end of June), and have sex about once a week.  And I'm like you...I consider that "no sex life" ;-)  Or at least, it's not the passionate love life I expected to have as a newlywed.  I know it's not that helpful, but I just wanted to say you're not alone!  It makes me feel better to hear this isn't just us.


    You guys need to work on this together.

    Maybe he thinks that since you have said nothing, you are satisfied with once a week. And vice versa.

    You could jump into the shower with him or invite him in to take a shower with you. Or just jump his bones once he walks in the door at the end of the day.:)
  • image oldbugle:

    Also you could try helping him to ejaculate BEFORE sex starts in ernest,...that way he will feel calmer and less excited as the tension build up with your arousal.

     

    The books of Dr Barbara Keesling are very helpful as they teach men a method of plotting and controlling their arousal pattern,...and 'kegel' type daily pelvic excercises will definately help too!

     

    Is this the author of the Multi-Orgasmic Man? That's a neat book. 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • A little guy advice...

    If he isn't lasting very long and doesn't seem very interested in sex....one might lead to the other. You should let him know that no matter how long your love making session is, you want to be with him physically and when you two are intimate, take away the penetration. Both of you can give massages, dry hump, oral, deep kissing all over, etc. He won't feel comfortable about "cumming" early until you let him know it's okay. As a man, it really, really sucks. I don't know a single guy who wants to last a few seconds....especially a husband. But you can help him out. Remind him that you find him sexy, touch and kiss him everywhere, comment on his arms, a**, legs, etc. Believe it or not, we like to be complimented and we want our wives to want us.

    I think if you implore all of these things you will have a more confident husband and he will be more passionate in bed. Hey, he might even want to get in bed and stay a lot longer!

    Good luck! 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I think that one of the things a lot of people get hung up on is sex becoming a chore.  Not a chore like I'm saying it's not a fun thing to do, but a chore as in how people expect couples to need to have sex x amount of times a week to be maintaining a healthy responsive relationship.  There is nothing more of a turn off than feeling like you need to do something by some point in time, so I just suggest taking all of the pressure off of the subject and trying to reconnect in simple ways that you used to.  Instead of pushing for sex, go on a fun date and make out!  Things like that pull people together and will refresh your relationship.
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