Sex & Romance
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I think there's something wrong with me

My husband and I have been together almost 10 years, married 2 years. When we first started dating our sex live was great (we were 18) but over the years it has started slowing. We may have sex twice a month now, sometimes less.

I'm not sure why but I'm not interested in sex at all. I've come up with a million excuses of why I think I'm like this. (worried about getting pregnant, too tired after work, not feeling good, it happens to all couples after a while) I feel like the main reason is because over these 10 years I have gained at least 60 pounds and I don't feel comforatble in my own body. I'm starting to work on my weight but I feel bad that my husband wants to have sex and is always telling me I'm beautiful. I want to be able to make him happy but I'm not sure what to about this. I just can't force myself to do it as often as he would like. Even worse most of our friends are just getting married in newer relationships so he is always comparing us to them. It seems like everyone knows that we don't have sex. And we are planning to try to get pregnant now in the next year so I kind of need to be able to feel good about having sex.

Does anyone else have this problem that can help?

Re: I think there's something wrong with me

  • A sexual rut is probably your dilemma.

    You and he need to sit down and discuss the problem together. Communication is key, as I always say.

    You can start the ball rolling: "We had such a red hot sex life; how can we get back to being red hot together again?"

    And then go from there.

    I am sure he's gained weight, too, over the years: it happens.

    That he tells you you're beautiful? GREAT: you have a very positive base for what you want to do.:)

    In the meanwhile,  while you are losing weight, look into building a positive self image for you and your body: have a look at the "larger" ladies like Christina Hendricks and Queen Latifah: the 2 of those ladies are gorgeous --- particularly look at Ms. Hendrick's dress silhouettes that she wears on Mad Men: most of them are sheaths with square necklines and lots and lots of bold colors --- you'd probably look fabulous in a sheath.

    Sheaths and bold colors never go out of style.:)

    Don't say that they are for size 10 ladies: I had a coworker who was about a size 22/24 --- sheaths was all she wore to work and she looked smashing.:)

    Look into a new haircut, new makeup, some new things to wear --- none of that loose fitting baggy crap: they only make you look heavier. And dowdy. You don't need that.:)

    Think jewel tone colors and bold looks like a colorblock dress.

    Don't believe everything you hear about newlyweds. They may not be as sexually active as you think --- also, scroll down this board and have a look at at all the "help we are not having sex" posts -- most of them are from newlywed wives. I don't quite know what's up with a guy who is newly married and  who isn't interested in getting busy...and I don't know what's up with the wives that do not speak to the H and say "gee honey, we used to be so hot; what's going on?"

    Most of them are putting up with the issue in silence; if you can't talk to your spouse frankly about sex, then what kind of a relationship have you got, you know? :(

  • Thank you this really helped!
  • image ccenter1:
    Thank you this really helped!


    Don't go with a crash diet: try something tried and true like Weight Watchers. If you don't like meetings, you can do it on line.

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