Trouble in Paradise
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Hitched 1 year n he is CHEATING

ok... gonna try to make a lonnnng story short. I really am in need of some serious advice. I have been married for 1 year. In my mind every thing was fine but apparently its not. I am a RN and my husband is a trucker driver.He usually doesnt come home until the weekend. Saturday and Sunday mostly. One night I decided to look through his text messages while he was cutting my sons hair in the guest house and to my SURPRISE I found messages to and from him to differant numbers that turned out to be women. They mostly referred to them meeting up and the messages would end with the woman sayin she made it home, thanks, and she cant wait to do it again when he is in town. I also saw text from a girl that he had claimed to be his best friend and in his text to her he told her that he LOVED  her; then she proceeded to ask for a Christmas gift... NOW this really fired me up... I also read 1 from him to his ex offering her sex.....

After reading I was able to hold my composure and not say anything due to the fact that my 6 year son was home and I didnt wanna cause a scene. My heart was beating so fast and hard I thought that I was gonna die!!!! I decided not to say anything until I could investigate more. So the next day once he had gone back on the road I called a couple of the #'s and gathered as much info as possible. I even found out that he had visited one of the women in my truck!!!... The women knew about me, our children, and his job. 

I decided to write him a letter telling him about my findings and reminding him of those things that i had advised him before marriage would be unacceptable. I wrote the letter because I was really unsure of what I would say or do if I were to see him. So I left the letter on the counter and when he returned home Friday afternoon he read it and began to text asking was I gonna divorce him and if I wanted him to leave; which i didnt bother to answer.

 Once I got home he was gone and sometime during the night he returned back and I found him sleeping on the couch in the den Saturday morning.  We didnt say anything at all that day besides small talk. (nothing about the situation.)  That night he slept in our bed and I placed a huge pillow  between the two of us. On Sunday he did some small talk (nothing about the situation.) So as he hopped into the truck to leave to go on the road I walked out and in tears demanded answers!!! He had no explanation for why he brought his so called friend to our home that he has now professed to love via text to her. He then claims that he has been stressed and that I am always busy and never have time to talk to him while he is driving throught the day. And that on the weekends I go here and there(which isnt at all true) Then he said something about the devil and the internet and how he allowed it to cause him to search for woman to have sex with. Mostly I talked about his son and my son and how he has hurt me and ect.

 I am soooooo confused. I have NO one to talk to or ask advice from. I do love him and I love the life we have built BUT i dont wanna be with someone who is unfaithful and willing to put me at risk for thier personal enjoyment. 

A couple months after we got married I delivered a stillborn baby and to be honest I felt he may have gotten married to me just because I was prego. We dated off and on for about 3-4 years before we got married. We both are 30 years old

He did say that he loves me and loves to come home to me and my son and even says he loves the life we have built together. I am sooooo LOST!!!

sorry this is soooooo long 

HELP!!!! 

Re: Hitched 1 year n he is CHEATING

  • This is a crosspost from the other 2 boards you posted on... 

    This is a big big shame. I am sorry for your troubles.

    I'll be honest:

    No happily married decent man has any business with women other than his wife.  He's got no business chatting up other women with the intention of committing adultery.

    And a NEWLYWED man has even LESS business than that with other women, period. He should be "into you" and not into whoever else he can find to have sex with!

    And apparently he either never ended the relationship with his ex or he has resumed it or he's never gotten over her, even if they have officially broken up or divorced (whichever applies).

    Do yourself a gigantic favor:

    Show this guy the door and please see an attorney about getting this marriage annulled.

    What he is doing constitutes fraud:  he does not wish to be in a committed relationship for life.

    If you are having money problems, try legal aid. Or call a women's shelter and tell them you need an inexpensive attorney for an annullment.

    And perhaps you can DIY if you and he have no jointly held property, no kids, no assets that belong to you both.

    You can make a clean break of it, get this sham of a marriage annulled and then chalk this up to experience. What has happened here is NOT your fault: it is his. What a rotten thing to do to somebody who he is married to.

    He's balmy and whacky and what kind of bullshit is this:

    Then he said something about the devil and the internet and how he allowed it to cause him to search for woman to have sex with. Mostly I talked about his son and my son and how he has hurt me and ect

    This also reminds me of that ole Flip Wilson routine where he used to go 'the DEVIL made me do it, HONEY" as Geraldine Jones.  Srsly, does he think you are going to buy this "explanation" hook line and sinker???? I think NOT. 

    Don't listen to him when he lords the blame over on you! This is HIS fault and his mess that he created. He's bullshitting you about "Why" he's with these other chicks.

    There is nothing more for you to do: file for an annullment, change the locks and leave his stuff outside. And cease all contact with him, if he is not the biological father of your son. There's nothing more to say and you do not have anything more to do with him.

    One more word of advice:

    Get tested for every STD that there is. God only knows who he was with and if this sex was even protected with a condom. UGH.

    Did you get yourself bereavement counseling for your loss? It might be a good idea if you do -- see a counselor because all of this is going to hit you like a ton of bricks: first the loss of a child and then this mess with the harem that he's got lined up???

    Another thing you should do:

    Do you know for certain -- and that is if his status is allegedly divorced -- that he is indeed LEGALLY divorced??? Did he show you the actual divorce decree that was signed by the judge and the attorneys for both him and his former spouse?

    For all you know, he may be legally married to her still.

    i know this sounds crazy -- but it happens.  I myself know of a case where that's precisely what happened to a woman who thought she was marrying a guy who was single and legally unwed.:( Turns out his divorce was never final and he was still legally married to the spouse.

    Demand the divorce papers and you check on this yourself: call the attorneys for both parties and see the judge that's allegedly listed on the divorce papers.

    And go as far as to go to the county courthouse and get the docket number and see if these papers are real.

    You might have an even bigger rat on your hands than I thought you did. UGH.

    This is quite the mess. The sooner you are free of this rat, the better off you will be.

    And if you get divorced or annulled, you don't have to explain jack squat to anybody. None of their business what happened.

  • POsting this on only this board:

    It sounds to me like you didn't even know him all that long or all that throughly considering that this was an on off relationship.

    A relationship needs more stability than "on and off" for it to result in a relationship strong enough for a marriage.

    And as you can see, a guy can cheat "while on the job." He is gone for excessive amounts of time, due to his job -- and he has been up to all kinds of nonsense while on the road!

    Get rid of this piece of garbage and do it NOW. Cut your losses and go.

    And when you do, my other advice: do NOT date anybody for a very very long time --- I suggest a full year.

    Would maybe be a good idea to see a counselor on your own -- find out why you attracted a louse like this...and why you married him when you did.  Maybe I am old school but the longer you take to get to know a guy you are dating, the more advantageous it is to the relationship.

    And this has to be overwhelming for you -- you suffered the loss of a child. yu were supposed to be growing as a family together and you were also into Year Two of your marriage -- and now you find out that there's other women involved! SURE it's overwhelming --- and you have nothing at all to be ashamed of. You had no clue until now what he really is: a rat.

    And it very well could be that he's been involved with other women since the onset of your relationship with him. UGH.

    I also would not be surprised if there are more women than this that he is involved with -- and maybe some of these doxies think they've found themselves a nice single guy to date and do whatever with. SURE. 

    And as for the female "best friend" -- you and I know waht the definition of a friend is. Sure, lots of guys have female friends; I know lots of guys who do, just as there are women with male friends (I have several)

    BUT if this was indeed a true friend who is only a friend, you'd have met her a long long time ago, while you were dating!

    She'd probably be at your home for social events and you'd go to hers with your H, she'd call and it would be out in the open; you'd get the phone and she'd talk to you also --- this isn't on the up and up. This chick is another one of his harem. And as I said before: UGH. That still applies.

  • His weekend of silence was him hoping and praying you were going to just let it go and let him keep on living like he has been. He is a piss poor excuse for a husband and you know you deserve better.

    Love him or not, there is nothing to salvage here. He didn't even bother to beg for your forgiveness. Get out and as Tarpon said get an annulment. Your life (and your son's life) can only be better without him in it.

    [IMG]http://img534.imageshack.us/img534/1457/jansiggy.jpg[/IMG]
  • I'd never have permitted him to be within the same hemisphere, let alone the same BED!

    Get rid of his ass and do it today.

    And it amazes me how casually he just went "oh well do you want a divorce, then?" Amazing how he didn't show any real remorse or otherwise illustrate that he made a huge mistake.

    I still think all of this was going on long before you were married.  It's very easy for him to cover his tracks: he is hardly home. He's out having a ball and living the life of a single guy! And the only way you found out is when you just happened to look through his phone. Jig's up and so is this "marriage": annullment, like I said.

    So sorry for all of your troubles.

  • I'm so sorry to hear this. How horrible. I think you'll find the web site: SurvivingInfidelity.com to be great help and a wonderful healing tool. 

     I won't give any advice because I really have none, but my heart goes out to you. Best of luck.  

  • The OP has not been back.

    I wonder what happened?

    To me, there's nothing further to do after seeing the evidence except to tell him the marriage is over. And at that point, he needed to go, by gentleman's agreement

    Don't write letters. Sit down and tell him face to face where it is at --- and btw, what did he say? Did he read the letter? If so what were his thoughts? Ha.:(
  • This weekend he returned home from trucking and said that he was gonna pack his thing... Of course he did not. He had a few drinks and talked about how he told his mom about everything and she said that I should leave him and its NO ones fault but his own... Then he claims that the day before he got busted he had told his buddy "I love my wife and I am gonna stop this outside sex :shocked: ... He then claimed that even the women he sent the "I LOVE YOU" text to was shocked by his cheating behavior... claiming that she even said I should leave. He said he and her where friends and friends only and that she wasn't into him like that. Then the SOB said that every married man is in LOVE with at least one person other than his wife :mad: At this point I am think REALLY ... is this dude for real.. is this the liquor talking or him!!! He admitted to sex with at least the two women that I know about and has yet to offer an explanation. He asked me to stay home from church Sunday which I did do. Thinking we would have more talk time which we did. He attempted to embrace me several times but I pushed him away. Once in our bed he even tried to hold me and cross legs which i eventually allowed cause its the only way I can sleep as well. He has yet to apologize face to face. He did send a lonnnng text saying he loves me and is sorry... But shouldn't he say that in person??? I am still lost.. I do love him but dont wanna look back 10 years from now and say "I shoulda been gone a lonnnng time ago"...I woke up to him on top of me and he wouldnt get off. He even said that it was good and he missed it... And to be honest I dont kow how i feel about that part....
  • This weekend he returned home from trucking and said that he was gonna pack his thing... Of course he did not.

    Sis, you had a pretty cut and dried solution:
    Leave his sh!t outside the door and get the locks changed.

    But instead you....oboy. BOY oboy...:(

     He had a few drinks and talked about how he told his mom about everything and she said that I should leave him and its NO ones fault but his own

    Uh huh and now he tells his mother a confidential fact that should be between he and you ONLY.

    Haven't you had enough? Really?

     

    ... Then he claims that the day before he got busted he had told his buddy "I love my wife and I am gonna stop this outside sex

    How courageous of the little dickens. 

    He then claimed that even the women he sent the "I LOVE YOU" text to was shocked by his cheating behavior... claiming that she even said I should leave.

    And now everybody from here to Oslo Norway is in on this story. Wow. 

    He said he and she were friends and friends only and that she wasn't into him like that. Then the SOB said that every married man is in LOVE with at least one person other than his wife

     This really is pretty pathetic. Don't you think?

      At this point I am think REALLY ... is this dude for real.. is this the liquor talking or him!!!

    I dunno. YOu tell ME.


    He admitted to sex with at least the two women that I know about and has yet to offer an explanation.

    Wait...I thought the explanation was "the devil made me do it." Holy sh!t...really????

    There IS no explanation. YOu need only boot his ass out the door and file for an annulment...but my guess is that you won't. You like the big hoopla surrounding this and you like the attention this more or less is getting you. Or do you think that he's such the stud and cocksman that YOU'RE going to wind up being the sole awardee of this booby prize you married? 

    He asked me to stay home from church Sunday which I did do. Thinking we would have more talk time which we did.

    Why are you pursuing this? Really. WHY???

    He attempted to embrace me several times but I pushed him away. Once in our bed he even tried to hold me and cross legs which i eventually allowed cause its the only way I can sleep as well.

    And you permitted this scumbag to get back into YOUR bed, the same way you did late last week?????

    Tell me: are you nuts, are you desparate or what?

    He has yet to apologize face to face. He did send a lonnnng text saying he loves me and is sorry... But shouldn't he say that in person??? I am still lost.. I do love him but dont wanna look back 10 years from now and say "I shoulda been gone a lonnnng time ago"...

    There is NOTHING to love here. But you don't even get that much at all. Pity.

    And apologies are for instances like forgetting a friend's birthday or accidentally cutting somebody off in traffic! Apologize, really??? You think that an apology for screwing everybody from there to Trenton is going to eradicate what he's done???

    I woke up to him on top of me and he wouldnt get off. He even said that it was good and he missed it... And to be honest I dont kow how i feel about that part....

    So now this is also pretty much rape.

    Am I right?

    You're clueless as it gets. SOmehow you like being married to a cheater, a rapist, a conniver, a drunk and a phoney.

    It's pretty clear what's the deal here. And you know what your choice is. But you're not going to take any advice, which makes you an ass at this point.


  • Anullment.  ASAP. 

    Locks changed, *** out of the house. 

    Gyno appointment and STD check.

    Be done and move forward.  Don't get MORE involved with this douchebag.  Anyone who turns to cheating THIS early in the marriage, and with RANDOM women found on the internet doesn't deserve to be married to ANYONE. 

  • no matter what you do, get yourself tested for STD's and again in 6 months.  If you have been having sex with him all the while him sleeping around, who knows what he may have contracted and then given you.
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