I tend to lurk on here for advice, but I figured it was time to share a bit. My husband and I just recently got married in June of this year. For the last 2 years, his mother has displayed very horrible behavior towards me needless to say. Out of respect for my husband, I have always kept silent and allowed him to address the issues with her. He has always taken my side and defended me. Whether or not his mother respects him and does what he asks is a different story. So I have finally received the letter that has broken the camel's back (I've received over a dozen of these). Also, I have had no personal contact with either of his parents since after we got married. I have not asked for or asked my husband to ask them for any of the advice given in the following letter. So for your reading pleasure:
"Katie, please stop picking on us for everything we say or do; please stop this. We will write "Mr. & Mrs." when something concerns the two of you and when it only concerns "Husband" we will only write his name on the envelopes. It's nothing personal so please don't take it that way. It's simply common sense. Also, we are Chad's parents and we will sign our names, "Mom & Dad" because yes, we are his Mom & Dad and because you two are married now. we will still continue to write, "Mom & Dad" We are not going to sign "Mrs. & Mrs. Goulet" to you; it doesn't make sense. Why do you let these little things bother you so much! It's nothing major to worry about! Please don't sweat the small things/stuff. You shouldn't even be worring about something like that. It's as if you don't want us to get close or to get in. Why is that? We love you both so very much and we have the rest of our lives to be family and yes we are family now so we should be making the best of it however long we have. We are going to be needing each other for one thing or another and if we don't have family, we don't have anything. We miss you guys & we have always been close to both of our sons and we always talked & told each other everything. This is the way we have always been and will be. Both of our parents, FIL's & MIL's have always signed their cards and letters to me, Love Mom & Dad or Love Mom & Dad G or Love, Mom & Dad L, and I loved that. I didn't tell them not to do that; I wouldn't dream of talking to our parents that way. I loved them very much & respected them and thanked them for everything they have done for us and appreciated everything very much. It's how we live our everyday lives & it's normal. Katie, I understand you do not call us Mom & Dad but we want you to because we don't mind and we would prefer it and love it because after all, since we are Husband's parents we are your parents, too. Even if you don't call us Mom & Dad we will still only refer to us as your Mom & Dad and that's how it is going to be.
I don't open my husband's mail because I respect him & his privacy & he doesn't open my mail either because he respects me & my privacy. If you worry about little things like this, what's going to happen when there's actually something really big to worry about? Anyway, don't be upset or mad at me or us because we're not upset or mad at you at all. Just trying to help you understand how it is going to be in this family whether you like it or not, o.k.?
If you still choose to write Mr. & Mrs. Goulet or call us that, it is still ok to write Mom & Dad or Mom & Dad G and it means no harm to your parents, rights? Its what we've always done & its how have always lived and will live.
We can't keep putting "Husband" and my husband in between everything because it's not good for them or us and it's only hurting everyone in the long run and just stressing everybody out for no reason & we/they don't need that at all.
When birthdays, anniversaires or holidays come up, I've always been the one to buy all the cards for both sides of the family for all of these years because I know how busy "Husband" is and he doesn't have that much time to buy cards. The only card that he buys is my card (wife) for all of these occasions.
I've always bought cards for husband, Dad (from the boys), 2 sons, brother cards for "Husband" and "BIL" to send to each other, "FIL" us to buy Mom cardshe boys to send to me, then I would buy Dad & Mom or Parent Cards to send to both of our parents, Grandparents or Grandma & Grandpa cards to send from "Husband" and "BIL", brother & wife or brother & sister-in-law, sister & husband or sister & brother-in-law, nieces, nephews, and cousins or whatever the case may be - I've always done it.
I buy cards for the whole month for both sides of the family (FIL & mine) for whatever occaisions would happen to come up and I would have them home so that they could always be signed on time and got them out on time as much as possible. I always have to be thinking way far ahead.
If there are too many occasions in one month, then I split it up into 1/2 of the month & the the other half. Then if there's a holiday, I buy them at another time. Always have to be thinking of others first.
My sister-in-law does the same thing up in Massachusetts. She buys for my brother's family & for her own family by the month, for both sides, just like I do. My mom did the same thing and my mother-in-law did the same thing.
Even sometimes when envelops say, "Mr. & Mrs. In-laws name" I'll wait & let "FIL name" open them if they come from his side of the family just so he has the chance to open family mail.
Hope everything continues to go well with Chad and you. I hope you have a better understanding of how things are done in this family and will continue to be done. We expect you to do the same thing.
Love, Mom & Dad"
I do have a follow up letter, but I'll save it for another post.