Family Matters
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Kids at Funeral

This is a tie in to my PP from earlier.

So, the funeral for our neighbors' daughter is Thursday morning here in our town. I have tried four child care options - all have not panned out. I even called the church where the service is being held to see if they have nursery care - they don't.

 My DS is 2 1/2 and my DD is 8 months. Since we do not know this family well, I at least, do not think it appropriate to have our two kids in attendance at the funeral. My husband disagrees. As another note, my kids are in Sunday church every week and for being so little, do do exceptionally well sitting still and occupying themselves for 1 1/2 hours. Nevertheless, I don't think they should come to the funeral just out of respect to this family who we don't know well.

Do you gals agree with me or my DH? He says we can always take them out if they aren't quiet. I don't want to even have that be an option. Ugh. I have no idea what to do now for child care.....

Re: Kids at Funeral

  • Are we talking funeral or wake? Often times, when you don't really know someone or the family, it's simply more appropriate to stop by the wake and extend your condolences by not necessarily stay for the funeral. Depends on the area/religion I'm sure, but this has been my experience.
  • IMO, I would not take the kids. Even if they are well behaved, I don't think they need to be there. GL, and your neighbors are in my thoughts and prayers.
  • Because of the nature of the death (a young person, suddon, in a devestating and unexpected way), I feel like unless you are really close to the family  its highly inappropriate to take kids that young. Had it been an 80 year old who they are celebrating a long life well lived I'd say go for it, take the kids...But I think in this case you need to be senstive to the family. If you are not that close to the family, I would either not go, or only one of you go and the other stay home with the kids.

     

  • I think you or your husband should go to the funeral and the other one should stay home with kids
  • Maybe you can take the kiddoes to the wake and have somebody come with you --- usually there is some type of lounge or room not attached to the viewing area and he or she can babysit the older child in there.

    This is what I did with a niece and nephew that were about the ages of your kids --- I sat with them in the lounge; I could still hear the service that the visiting priest was conducting. so it was fine.

    Same goes for the church --- is there a cry room?

    The 8 month old can stay with you. If the kiddo cries, leave the area until you calm her down.
  • image vjcjenn1:
    I think you or your husband should go to the funeral and the other one should stay home with kids

    This is what I would do. 

  • If you don't know them very well, they won't miss you at the funeral. They are going to be in a whole other world. However, they certainly will remember you if your children make a scene while they are trying to say goodbye to their daughter. You can support them and show them sympathy without going to the funeral. You can make them a meal, send a card, etc. They will appreciate it. 
    [IMG]http://i48.tinypic.com/des47b.jpg[/IMG]
  • image toothpastechica:

    Because of the nature of the death (a young person, suddon, in a devestating and unexpected way), I feel like unless you are really close to the family  its highly inappropriate to take kids that young. Had it been an 80 year old who they are celebrating a long life well lived I'd say go for it, take the kids...But I think in this case you need to be senstive to the family. If you are not that close to the family, I would either not go, or only one of you go and the other stay home with the kids.

    I agree with this. 
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • image EastCoastBride:
    image toothpastechica:

    Because of the nature of the death (a young person, suddon, in a devestating and unexpected way), I feel like unless you are really close to the family  its highly inappropriate to take kids that young. Had it been an 80 year old who they are celebrating a long life well lived I'd say go for it, take the kids...But I think in this case you need to be senstive to the family. If you are not that close to the family, I would either not go, or only one of you go and the other stay home with the kids.

    I agree with this. 
    Ditto
  • I read both of your posts, and can answer these as personal experience (being a very close relative to this same incident that occurred with your neighbor).  Even though you see it as being supportive and good natured, the family may see it as being invasive if you go to the services.  And, please do not take the children!  If you do go, and can not find a sitter.....just one of you go!  My family still remembers a baby that cried during mass.  Normally, this would be ok by us but not at a time of mourning.

    With regards to meals- You mentioned there are a lot of family there now.  That also means there are tons of meals, various food etc......  In another month or two, that is when a nice meal would be greatly appreciated.  Once things start to become "normal," they will still need support.  Maybe pick a dreary day, and send over some homemade soup and cookies with a kind note.  Another great idea that someone did was brought paper plates, cups, napkins, paper towels etc....  With everyone stopping by, you may not be fully prepared.  Or, sodas, bottled water etc....  Those things won't go bad.  Someone did this, and just left them at the door with a note indicating it was a stock up package, and if anything else was needed to call.

    If you want to do something now, a card with a nice note and a donation would be appreciated to the charity they chose (if they did).  Since you don' t know them too well, you don't want to be too personal, you want to show respect, and the fact you are there.  It's a tough situation all around.

    Remember them throughout the year!  This is going to be the hardest year of their lives, and honestly it doesn't get any easier!  Just be a kind neighbor, if you can do something for them at various times of the year.....do it!   Just know the boundaries.

    Good luck, it sucks to be on either end of this one!

  • image cutiepie75:

    I read both of your posts, and can answer these as personal experience (being a very close relative to this same incident that occurred with your neighbor).  Even though you see it as being supportive and good natured, the family may see it as being invasive if you go to the services.  And, please do not take the children!  If you do go, and can not find a sitter.....just one of you go!  My family still remembers a baby that cried during mass.  Normally, this would be ok by us but not at a time of mourning.

    With regards to meals- You mentioned there are a lot of family there now.  That also means there are tons of meals, various food etc......  In another month or two, that is when a nice meal would be greatly appreciated.  Once things start to become "normal," they will still need support.  Maybe pick a dreary day, and send over some homemade soup and cookies with a kind note.  Another great idea that someone did was brought paper plates, cups, napkins, paper towels etc....  With everyone stopping by, you may not be fully prepared.  Or, sodas, bottled water etc....  Those things won't go bad.  Someone did this, and just left them at the door with a note indicating it was a stock up package, and if anything else was needed to call.

    If you want to do something now, a card with a nice note and a donation would be appreciated to the charity they chose (if they did).  Since you don' t know them too well, you don't want to be too personal, you want to show respect, and the fact you are there.  It's a tough situation all around.

    Remember them throughout the year!  This is going to be the hardest year of their lives, and honestly it doesn't get any easier!  Just be a kind neighbor, if you can do something for them at various times of the year.....do it!   Just know the boundaries.

    Good luck, it sucks to be on either end of this one!

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