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Mothers partner hurt my child

ae

Long story short while visiting my mother and her partner, who had been drinking, he physically hurt my child and left bruises.

 Partener (lets call him Bob) has a drinking problem and in the past had been very cruel to my siblings, mother, and me. I tried for many years to get over what he had done to us and have a distance relationship.

He was better and actually quite pleasant with the arrival of my children.

However the past few years have been iffy and I've avoided family events because of his unpredictable behaviour and drinking.

This past visit he was very roughly spoken with me and the children especially my preschool ager. I knew I needed to leave very quickly but I was concerned he would have a really big freak out and hurt my mother when we left or yell at us if we left during an episode. It was a terrible situation to be in and I didn't feel I could safely get all my children out quickly enough at that minute. I plotted to gather all their items and find the best time to leave while he was preoccupied with something else.

Sorry...this is getting long...

He said something off to my child and I saw I could get all the children out at that minute. I told them to grab their shoes and get to the car. I grabbed my purse and Bob was yelling at my child and screamed to get out. It was terrifying. I literally ran with them as fast as I could out the door. Ugh. It was so bad :( On the way home my older child told me Bob had dragged the preschooler down the stairs. I checked and their arms were red which turned to bruises. I took pictures.

My mother, his enabler, says hes going for help etc which I don't beleive.

I told my mother I was cutting Bob out of our lives completely forever and she said some things to me that make me think she needs to be cut out too. Tried to turn it on me and said I was being dramatic and a trouble maker.

I have never had a healthy relationship with my mother because she is not an emotionally healthy person and I have zero qualms about cutting her out.

Maybe this is just a vent...I am very sad about this and am seeking help for all the children to talk about this.

 

Re: Mothers partner hurt my child

  • Did you report him to the police? I would have had his ass arrested before he could step back into his own house.
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  • image lildevil968:
    Did you report him to the police? I would have had his ass arrested before he could step back into his own house.

     Yes. Police did nothing.

  • It's good you are cutting ties with them both. There is no need for you to put your life or your families in harms way again. Good Job.

    If this recent I would report him to the police if you haven't already. There must be a women's shelter/ center where you can seek guidance on abuse cases for yourself, your children and your mother. 

  • You need to cut them both out. Let me tell you there is NOTHING worse than a mother who would knowingly go around a man who hurt them. They will not trust you to protect them. If you allow either in your life then you show them they should accept abusive people in their lives. This is no lesson. I'm not trying to be harsh since you did try to get them out and call the police. I'm trying to reinforce your decision and give you another thought on why you must do this. Your mother failed you and I know you don't want to fail your children.

    I suggest you keep calling the police until you have someone who will do something about that POS.

    Good luck to you and I hope your children recover from the trauma. Showing them you are a strong woman is going to help.

  • You are spot on to not want contact with this guy. And indeed, this incident needed to be reported to the cops.

    If your mother doesn't like it that he is not welcome in your company, too bad. Your kids, your home your rules.

    Sorry for your troubles.
  • image Mundae:

    image lildevil968:
    Did you report him to the police? I would have had his ass arrested before he could step back into his own house.

     Yes. Police did nothing.

    That's unfortunate they did nothing. At least it is on record that you reported him. That way IF for some reason another incident happens there will already be a history.  

    Keep them out of your lives and all of you safe and happy. 

  • Are you kidding me? 

    Did you make a police report?Your mother had the nerve to blame you?

    H*ll no! I would call the police and report BOTH of them. Your mother is more than a enabler...She allowed her partner to hurt her grandchildren.

    Just sick. 

  • It's good that you contacted the police, even if they didn't feel they had a case against him.  At least it's on file.

    And ditto, cut off all ties with both of them. I know you're afraid he'll hurt your mother.  But your mother is a grown woman who has made her choice.  Your responsibility is to your kids and if you allow them to be around someone who huts them or anyone else, you're setting yourself up for something much worse than what has happened so far.

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  • I'm sorry you're dealing with this but you're doing the right thing.  No way should you allow your children to be around Bob again.  Ever.  As long as your mom doesn't really get how serious this is, you can't trust her judgement that he's "getting help" or that he got help is now supposedly "ok". 

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  • why would you only cut ties with him if you knw that your mother has his back on everything and not yours? cut ties iwth both of them.

     

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  • Wow! I'm confused with how he even had an opportunity to drag your child down the stairs without you knowing. This is terrible all the way around. I understand that this is your mom, but this situation is toxic to you and your children. I wouldn't visit her again until she gets rid of this scumbag. Maybe when she starts to miss her grandchildren, she'll make a change. You did the right thing to leave. So sorry that this has happened to you, keep your head up.

    -KA 

  • I'm sorry you have to go through this but you really need to report him. This is unacceptable for your Mother and her partner. I am disgusted that any person would be able to stand by and say that YOU are the problem when your child was dragged down stairs by a drunken psycho.

    Cut ties, you have too. It is for your own safety.


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  • image keringtonp:

    Wow! I'm confused with how he even had an opportunity to drag your child down the stairs without you knowing. This is terrible all the way around. I understand that this is your mom, but this situation is toxic to you and your children. I wouldn't visit her again until she gets rid of this scumbag. Maybe when she starts to miss her grandchildren, she'll make a change. You did the right thing to leave. So sorry that this has happened to you, keep your head up.

    -KA 

    i was wondering this as well.

    Friday, December 28 2012. The day I had emergency appendix surgery in Mexico and quit smoking. Proof that everything has a good side!! DH and I are happily child-free!! No due date or toddler tickers here!! my read shelf:
    Alison's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf) 
  • If you feel that you need to try and have a relationship with your mother and her dumb low-life BF then try. I disagree, but whatever. Your kids should never, ever be near him ever.

    Also, I find it odd that the police did nothing when you showed them the bruises this man left on their arms. I find that, very, very tough to believe.

  • image alithebride:

    why would you only cut ties with him if you knw that your mother has his back on everything and not yours? cut ties iwth both of them.

     

     

    I fully agree. The day after this happened she told me she was making plans to leave him and seemed sincerely upset about it. A few days later she was blaming me.

  • image Kimbus22:

    It's good that you contacted the police, even if they didn't feel they had a case against him.  At least it's on file.

    And ditto, cut off all ties with both of them. I know you're afraid he'll hurt your mother.  But your mother is a grown woman who has made her choice.  Your responsibility is to your kids and if you allow them to be around someone who huts them or anyone else, you're setting yourself up for something much worse than what has happened so far.

     

    Let's be clear that my children will never be around him again. Never. He was not even meant to be home the day I went there. I had already been in the house for 5-10 minutes before he came upstairs. His vehicle was in the garage so I was blindsided by this.  

    At the time I was there I was very worried that if I left while he was behaving out of control that me leaving in that moment would trigger him further and he would hurt her as soon as we left or do something to me or my children. It was like being captive.

    As cold as it sounds now I am not concerned about her

     

  • image EastCoastBride:

    I'm sorry you're dealing with this but you're doing the right thing.  No way should you allow your children to be around Bob again.  Ever.  As long as your mom doesn't really get how serious this is, you can't trust her judgement that he's "getting help" or that he got help is now supposedly "ok". 

    I totally agree. Thank you.

  • image keringtonp:

    Wow! I'm confused with how he even had an opportunity to drag your child down the stairs without you knowing. This is terrible all the way around. I understand that this is your mom, but this situation is toxic to you and your children. I wouldn't visit her again until she gets rid of this scumbag. Maybe when she starts to miss her grandchildren, she'll make a change. You did the right thing to leave. So sorry that this has happened to you, keep your head up.

    -KA 

    He was upstairs heading to his room when I sent the children downstairs and I grabbed my purse from their dining room. I figured that was a good time to leave. My older child said he followed them down the stairs, grabbed my younger child and dragged him down the stairs while Bob was screaming at him. I ran to the stairs when I heard him and saw them in the foyer. It was maybe 30 seconds. Just awful :(

  • I see! I felt that there was a part of the story that was missing. Sorry again that this has happened to you. I wouldn't go back to that house again until I knew that he was out of the picture...
  • image MommyLiberty5013:

    If you feel that you need to try and have a relationship with your mother and her dumb low-life BF then try. I disagree, but whatever. Your kids should never, ever be near him ever.

    Also, I find it odd that the police did nothing when you showed them the bruises this man left on their arms. I find that, very, very tough to believe.

    I infact said the opposite about having a relationship with him/her.

    I went to the police with my phone to show the photos. They were very uninterested. This is the third time I have been to the police about him (2x about 13-14 years ago) and they did nothing then either. I've also called to say I suspected he was abusing my mother and nothing. The only time the police helped me was when Bob and my mother wouldnt let me into my moms house so I could retreive my belongings.

  • Yes, this dramatic trouble maker is no longer a part of your lives.

    Wish you were willing to make some trouble and be dramatic with the alcoholic absuser you allowed to hurt me, my siblings and my children. Not going to be me. Nope.

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