Holidays
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Holiday Question

I am looking for a little help. This is our first Christmas together and I am not sure what to do. He wants to spend Christmas with his family but with all the problems me and his family have had latley, I would like to have a Christmas with just us. He has always worked Christmas and with his work place losing employees, I doubt he will get the full day off. His family lives 5 hours away and I don't want to spend our first Christmas together driving back from his families house and them having him go to work. That leaves us no time to be together and make it special. What can we do?

Re: Holiday Question

  • You just have to talk it out.  A good compromise might be, if he has day off you will go but if not, you want to stay home. If he is working and you stay home, you could go on the next day off 
    CJ :-)
  • If, you want to spend time with him. You just need to make a plan of a holiday trip on Christmas at a beautiful place and also invite his family, where you and they can easily reach one day before Christmas. It will help in celebrating Christmas with his family and also give a chance to spend time with him.
  • Watermelon26:

    I am completely in your boat! My husband works on the oil rigs and although he works for his family there is absolutely no guarantee that he will be here for holidays. My birthday was yesterday and he had to leave in the AM to go back. Its the brakes but I have stuck with it for 4 years, with one year of marriage.

    Last year was our first holiday(s) together as a married couple; however, the year before we were engaged so we kinda got a taste of what it would be like now for two years. His family (parents) always goes to Mississippi for each holiday. My family is all here in town. The first year, we travelled 6 hours to Mississippi to see his family for Thanksgiving and because he was working over Christmas I went to be with him on location. The second year, we had Thanksgiving here in our house but that was because although he was home he had to leave the very next day to go back. He was basically home for that day. Christmas we went to Mississippi to spend it with his family. We trade off and that is just the way we have to do it. Everyone on both sides understands thats all we can do and they have to get over it.

    My H is a huge hunter so you can imagine that he would much rather be in Mississippi each holiday to get that extra time to shoot that buck plus we rarely get to Mississippi any other time of year but I laid the law down that first year and stated that his family is not the only family that celebrates holidays and it would be unreasonable and completely unfair for us not to spend time with my family at all. I must also point out that I am the type of person to celebrate on that particular day, not early, not late...that day. But I refuse to travel on that day as well. And I refuse to allow him to put me on a plane to meet him in Mississippi so he can go early if I have to be at work. I DONT THINK SO, WE ARE MARRIED NOT DATING. We have had to compromise on things. I dont travel on holidays and we don't seperate but for Christmas we do several celebrations. If we are in Mississippi we have two there for both sides of the family there on his side and we do one for my family before we go or after we get back. Thanksgiving isnt necessary to do more than one.

    Sorry so long but hope this helps

  • It sounds like the two of you need to talk, compromise and make a plan. Do you spend time with your family on holidays too? You can alternate families whenever he has a full day off for any holiday. It doesn't have to be the day of Christmas but can be the day before or after. Anytime he can't get a full day off invite the families to spend the day with you.

    Or you can divvy up the holidays. If Christmas is a bigger deal in his family and Thanksgiving for yours you should spend it that way. I'm sure you two can find a way to make things work.

    H's family is 3 hours away and Mine 4 hours. We no longer see them for Christmas. We started our own way of celebrating Christmas. Christmas Eve we spend with my Aunts Family (1 hour away), Christmas Morning is just the two of us, Later in the day we spend Christmas with his Uncles Family ( 1 hour away). Thanksgiving and Easter we still see both sets of parents and siblings (they are only and hour from each other). 

  • to answer your question about spending time with my family, We live in Texas and my family lives in Utah. To be able to see my family for the holidays (which I would love to do) we have to buy plane tickets or drive 20 hours to get there. When I asked him about seeing my family for the holidays he said we could get me there one way or another but he said nothing about him coming with me. I am totally fine with having celebrations with the families around the holidays if we can't make it there that day.

  • I know you said you weren't getting along with his family but to show your support could you suggest that you spend a full weekend either before or after Christmas rather than only having a couple hours with them on Christmas Day?  That way he gets to spend quality time with his family and you guys can have your own special day.
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