Trouble in Paradise
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Just wondering...

My DH is practically perfect, it's actually me with the "problem". Does anyone else still think about an ex? Not romantically, just physically? I have this ex I can't get out of my head, but it's not emotional at all, I never loved him, heck he sorta got on my nerves and was even a little dumb. But there was just something about him, physically, that got under my skin. It's almost like...smoking. You know it's bad for you, and you don't like it in fact you kinda hate it... But every once in awhile you really crave it. 
I never cheated with this person, barely if ever speak to them. But they're always in my mind when I thinking about *stuff* by myself. Anyone else have that problem? 
Just a millennial generation wife trying to make it after all.

Re: Just wondering...

  • You're totally normal. My hunch is that eventually this will go away, when your mind gets bored with that particular piece of something taboo/forbidden etc. Everyone has fantasies, ranging from celebrities to people they know.

    Congrats on a happy marriage, and don't beat yourself up about this type of thing!

    Break cycle BFP on 11/6/12 after 17 cycles and a failed IUI - TTC/BFP details in bio
    image
    Nestie Bestie with the lovely RockABye
    image image image
  • :) Thank you for that. It always just helps to get an impartial point of view. According to friends of mine I'm everything from normal to horrible, so it's nice to hear it's not just me. I'm hopeful it will go away too, it seems to pop up whenever a big life change happens and I *just* got married three weeks ago. Good to know i'm not horrible though :) 
    Just a millennial generation wife trying to make it after all.
  • It seems like you might be missing something in your current relationship if you keep going backwards to thinking about someone you are no longer with anymore.
  • image doglove:
    It seems like you might be missing something in your current relationship if you keep going backwards to thinking about someone you are no longer with anymore.

    I disagree with this. Based on the statements that she has no intention or desire to seek him out, and that her mind only goes *there* when she's in periods of tremendous change I'd say that this is simply a coping mechanism. Her previous relationship is stable - in the sense that it's in the past, and therefor set in stone and never changing. It's over. It's done. She knows how that one turns out. Her marriage on the other hand (happy as it is) is a venture into the future, which is inherently unknown.

    Her life is going to change - new levels of partnership, houses, children, etc. During times like this (again, even when they are perfectly happy) the mind can do very, very strange things. During every single big change in my life (high school grad, college grad, marriage, deciding to TTC) I would go through months of dreaming that I had cancer and would die before the big day. My brain played tricks on me, because it was still afraid of the unknown - even though I was looking forward to all the new changes.

    Break cycle BFP on 11/6/12 after 17 cycles and a failed IUI - TTC/BFP details in bio
    image
    Nestie Bestie with the lovely RockABye
    image image image
  • I think there are people to whom we are chemically attracted.  I have an ex who just smelled "right".  He and I could fit on a single bed and sleep comfortably.  We were just wildly attracted to one another and had this freaky compatibility.  We could actually read each others minds after a while.

    Why am I not with him?  Because he was immature, unable to commit and not good for my life.  He was not the guy for me to spend the rest of my life with.  I have wild crazy memories of our time together, but my higher functioning brain knows he is not the one for me, even if my primal brain might be drawn to him.

    I think of him every so often and we exchange life updates or birthday wishes, but I will never be involved with him again. 

  • I think you're normal, I had awesome sexual chemistry with my ex, he was a cheating douche so I wouldn't go back to him and ruin my marriage but I think about the 'good times' every once in a while. When I'm bored and there's not much going on, I think about him/it a lot. When I'm busy and there's things happening, I don't remember him at all. I think it depends on how bored/busy you are, not really that there's a problem with your husband or marriage. 

  • There's nothing wrong with you, it's completely normal. It was a part of your past, which means the memory is still in your brain. It happens. No biggie. Congrats on your marriage!
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