Trouble in Paradise
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Hubby's snoring is ruining our marriage!!! HELP!

There is no escape! Everywhere I go, I can hear him snore! I can even hear him snore OUTSIDE!

Doesn't matter which side he sleeps on. We don't have health insurance or the $$ to see a specialist. He has been once before and they weren't able to do anything.

He feels like it's my issue to deal with, I disagree. Im not the one keeping me up!

Anyone have this issue? How are you/did you deal with it? I haven't gotten decent sleep in over a month. Please help!
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Re: Hubby's snoring is ruining our marriage!!! HELP!

  • Yikes. My DH snored for a week and it made me about ready to lose my mind. I HATE snoring. Honestly, it's both of your problems. He's being kind of an ass by not caring at all that he's keeping you up. You have three options

    A) Elbow him in the ribs every time he wakes you up. And if he gets pissy tell him it's not YOUR fault he can't sleep through it.

    B) Sleep separeately until the issue is resolved. There's always the option of witholding sex as long as separate bedrooms are necessary.

    C) Find a way to fix it. New pillows, nose strips, ear plugs, quitting smoking, losing weight, (if either are needed) etc.

    Best of luck!

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  • Yikes!  My husband snores all the time.  But if I fall asleep first, it rarely wakes me up.  I think only a handful of times.  I usually kick him out to the second bedroom.

    I think it's crappy he says it's your problem, but he can't exactly control it either.  The only thing I can suggest is sleeping in different rooms and/or trying out some alternative remedies... I don't know of any offhand, but can you try to look some up online?

    Good luck.

  • come up with a plan to get health insurance and/or save up cash to pay the doctor directly. 

    you are adults - you need health insurance.

    do what you can to get a job (either of you) that has health insurance. 

    then have him go see a doctor.

    what are you going to do it one of you suddenly needs your appendix out, breaks a leg/arm/wrist/foot...? 

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  • Get health insurance.  Immediately.

    I got insurance through Blue Cross/Blue Shield for $100/month when I was between jobs.  Everyone that can pay for these new-fangled internet phones but can't pay for health insurance are really misguided and hurting *everyone* by not having coverage.  I know it's not that easy for everyone (pre-existing conditions), but you are doing yourself and everyone in this country a disservice by not having it.

  • Sounds like he has sleep apnea. DH has the same issue. I used to wear ear plugs, then he started sleeping in a separate room...then I just got used to it.  We heard that there's a mouth piece that can help.  

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  • Snoring is dangerous. I am willing to bet he's got sleep apnea (and that he is also carrying around more than a couple extra pounds).  Sleep apnea is linked to cardiac issues and strokes.

    He needs to get to a doc for a full checkup. And see another specialist; don't stop until you get the help you need.

    Try a sleep clinic, also, through a teaching hospital. GL.
  • My partner snored badly.  Even though he had approval for a sleep study, he wouldn't go - for over a year.  He snored so badly, I had to sleep on the couch on another floor.  I hated him for not being willing to deal with it and it did some serious damage to our relationship

    He finally went and got a sleep study and they found that he had sleep apnea.  They had him try a night with a CPAP machine and came home dancing for joy.  He said it was the best night's sleep he had had in ages.  He said he felt completely different.

    He uses a CPAP machine now and we can sleep in the same bed again.  And I don't have to worry that he is going to die in his sleep.

    If you don't have insurance, figure out how to get it.   If you can't, figure out if you can state health coverage.  If you make too much, call your GP and get a referral to a sleep clinic.  Then call the clinic and tell them about your situation.  Find out if they will do the sleep study on a sliding scale.  Save up, make it a Christmas present to each other. 

  • image DaringMiss:

    My partner snored badly.  Even though he had approval for a sleep study, he wouldn't go - for over a year.  He snored so badly, I had to sleep on the couch on another floor.  I hated him for not being willing to deal with it and it did some serious damage to our relationship

    He finally went and got a sleep study and they found that he had sleep apnea.  They had him try a night with a CPAP machine and came home dancing for joy.  He said it was the best night's sleep he had had in ages.  He said he felt completely different.

    He uses a CPAP machine now and we can sleep in the same bed again.  And I don't have to worry that he is going to die in his sleep.

    If you don't have insurance, figure out how to get it.   If you can't, figure out if you can state health coverage.  If you make too much, call your GP and get a referral to a sleep clinic.  Then call the clinic and tell them about your situation.  Find out if they will do the sleep study on a sliding scale.  Save up, make it a Christmas present to each other. 



    Bravo!

    This precisely!
  • image DaringMiss:

    My partner snored badly.  Even though he had approval for a sleep study, he wouldn't go - for over a year.  He snored so badly, I had to sleep on the couch on another floor.  I hated him for not being willing to deal with it and it did some serious damage to our relationship

    He finally went and got a sleep study and they found that he had sleep apnea.  They had him try a night with a CPAP machine and came home dancing for joy.  He said it was the best night's sleep he had had in ages.  He said he felt completely different.

    He uses a CPAP machine now and we can sleep in the same bed again.  And I don't have to worry that he is going to die in his sleep.

    If you don't have insurance, figure out how to get it.   If you can't, figure out if you can state health coverage.  If you make too much, call your GP and get a referral to a sleep clinic.  Then call the clinic and tell them about your situation.  Find out if they will do the sleep study on a sliding scale.  Save up, make it a Christmas present to each other. 

     Agree!

     DH has had his CPAP since May and it's wonderful. He sleeps through the night, I sleep through the night, and we are both happier people. I heard from many people that the CPAPs were loud and it was worse to sleep with them than the snoring, but that has not been my experience. We've had two difference machines, both were quiet. He's in bed, with his machine on and running next to me and it's a light white noise.

    The University (Wake Forest) we use for most of our health needs does have an income assist/uninsured program for most of their doctors. You can find CPAPs on CL according to my mother. Thankfully we are insured and insurance paid for his CPAP.

    Sleep Apnea is dangerous to allow to go on untreated and can cause heart attack, stroke, and other issues. Most of the time snoring is a symptom of a health issue.

    image
  • Have you tried "Breath Rite Strips"?  Also I'd look into free helps.  Some clinics do studies on these things and are looking for subjects.  You mentioned money is an issue, sometimes you can get paid for your time.  I wish you luck.
  • image lizznjohn:
    There is no escape! Everywhere I go, I can hear him snore! I can even hear him snore OUTSIDE!

    Doesn't matter which side he sleeps on. We don't have health insurance or the $$ to see a specialist. He has been once before and they weren't able to do anything.

    He feels like it's my issue to deal with, I disagree. Im not the one keeping me up!

    Anyone have this issue? How are you/did you deal with it? I haven't gotten decent sleep in over a month. Please help!

     

    What kind of specialist did he see before and what did they try?

     

    We went through Breathe right strips, cutting out alcohol, tsp olive oil before bed, aromatherapy from http://www.snoringshop.com/, an MRI with a trip to the ENT, finally got one of these http://www.strongdental.com/suad_patient.php.  It's not cured, but it's better.
  • I agree with the PP's he really should see someone to rule out sleep apnea which can be very dangerous. I would also recommend him trying the breath right strips. He may not even realize that hes actually not sleeping that well and when he tries them he may sleep better. 

     

    I also recommend for you some kind of white noise machine like a fan, I can't sleep without mine and my husband doesn't even snore. I just wake up a the littlest noises and that helps to block it out. 

  • I know your pain. My husband used to snore so loudly that it drove me crazy.

    He already sleeps with fan blowing in his face to help him breath better. Through trial and different things. He sleeps with those breathe right strips and a pillow that props his head up a bit more  it really made a difference. So much that  I can tell if he's using a different pillow to sleep.  I am a light sleeper so I also sleep with ear plugs. It's helped and I know sleep well.

     

     

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  • Snoring doens't automatically mean sleep apnea... not that it should be ruled out, but that's not always the case.

     I'm a light sleeper, and my husband does snore. He isn't a "small" guy, however he isn't obese, but i'm sure that probably attributes a little to his snoring, anyway I sleep with ear plugs in. I hardly notice it anymore.  Not good if it's putting THAT much of a strain on your relationship. 

    As other people have suggested, try saving money to see the specialist, or get some insurance. Until then there are some naturopathic remedies you can try, search them out. There's mouth guards, nose strips, different pillows etc. Not that you need to try everything under the sun, but maybe something will help.

     Good luck, I suggest ear plugs for yourself :)  

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  • image cinderin:

    come up with a plan to get health insurance and/or save up cash to pay the doctor directly. 

    you are adults - you need health insurance.

    do what you can to get a job (either of you) that has health insurance. 

    then have him go see a doctor.

    what are you going to do it one of you suddenly needs your appendix out, breaks a leg/arm/wrist/foot...? 

    This. My dad has sleep apnea. Snoring, especially really bad snoring, can mean sleep apnea, and it's dangerous to just let it go. Sleep apnea is when the person stops breathing periodically while sleeping. The solution is a special breathing machine at night but it would be better than him passing away because it's untreated. A few years ago a pro football player died because of this. Please, get to a doctor.

     

    Edited to say that after finishing reading the replies I see that this a repetitive answer but should still be checked out because of the seriousness of it. 

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  • image MrsMcC.10409:

    Yikes. My DH snored for a week and it made me about ready to lose my mind. I HATE snoring. Honestly, it's both of your problems. He's being kind of an ass by not caring at all that he's keeping you up. You have three options

    A) Elbow him in the ribs every time he wakes you up. And if he gets pissy tell him it's not YOUR fault he can't sleep through it.  This will not help him stop snoring.  It will probably make him snore worse.

    B) Sleep separeately until the issue is resolved. There's always the option of witholding sex as long as separate bedrooms are necessary. This is an excellent way of ending a marriage if that is the goal.

    C) Find a way to fix it. New pillows, nose strips, ear plugs, quitting smoking, losing weight, (if either are needed) etc. I can get on board with giving things a try, but there is no surefire cure for snoring.

    Best of luck!

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  • My dad had sleep apnea.  He snored for years... we found out his heart would STOP beating 15 times a night... We didn't find out how serious it was until very recently.  I would make sure the snoring isn't related to a medical issue.
  • My DH snores too, and I feel your pain. I lie there in tears sometimes because I'm so exhausted. DH was tested and doesn't have sleep apnea, but the doctor said he should lose some weight. Not drinking booze or caffeine before bed also helps for my DH. But when it's really bad, I wake him up and he goes downstairs to sleep. If you can still hear your DH when he's somewhere else, how about a white noise machine? Also, if your DH isn't on board with dealing with this, that's where you need to start. Try videotaping him snoring and make him watch it. I did this (sounds juvenile, but hey, what can you do?) because my DH just couldn't believe he was being that loud. The video shocked him into going to the doctor, and now he doesn't resent it when I wake him up or ask him to sleep somewhere else. Good luck getting your DH on the same page, I hope he's willing to help you!!
  • I'm the one in our family with sleep apnea. I hate the machine, I feel like I sleep worse with it. DH is such a dear, he uses ear plugs. I travel frequently for work and he says he uses them even when I'm not home because it makes it easier to sleep. I actually started using them too when I travel, especially overseas with all the roosters and dogs in the villages.
  • Snoring is dangerous.

    Sleep apnea and strokes are 2 of the maladies he can get.

    I suggest a sleep clinic stat -- universities sometimes run them -- and a CPAP machine for him.

    Look into getting one; call your local teaching hospital --- try the cardiology and pulmonary medicine department -- they can best advise you where one can be obtained.

    If he is overweight -- and I will bet he is -- I suggest he lose weight asap. That alone may resove the snoring problem.

    Until then, he needs a doc's evaluation. Again, try a clinic. GL.
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  • edited August 2013

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  • kss20kss20 member
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    edited August 2013
    I agree with PP saying to get health insurance.  My fiancé was a HUGE snorer and finally I told him to see a doctor because he HAD to have a deviated septum the way he sounded.  It was to a point where I would be worried when I didn't hear him snore because he would stop breathing at points and then snort really loud and start again (sleep apnea).  Turns out I was right.  He had a severely deviated septum and had to have surgery to correct it.  In the end it saved me from countless hours lying awake at night and saved HIM a lifetime of breathing problems.
  • B) Sleep separeately until the issue is resolved. There's always the option of witholding sex as long as separate bedrooms are necessary.

    And REALLY?!?  This is horrible advice.
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