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The Next Step? --it's kind of a long post.

So Here is the back story:

 My boyfriend and I haven't been together for very long. Since we were friends we've always gotten along very well. Our relationship hasn't changed much either, we are best friends, we trust each other, we're working on clear communication, we laugh all of the time but when being serious is needed we can do that, we understand each other, and we don't take each other for granted (we say what we appreciate often).

Two weekends ago we celebrated six months together. It was he first time that he told me that he loves me. This is a very big step for him because it's not something that would just say. Those feelings are difficult for him because of his past relationships, so it was kind of a big deal! Before last weekend, we did not talk about our future together. We were very content just being together in the present. Sure we'd plan that I stay with him over Christmas Break because of a job that I had gotten, but nothing of what we were going to do together after school. I graduate before he does by a semester (he's older than me), but I have to continue at another school while he is done and will be looking for a job. He has always talked about going home and trying to get job there, while I was going home to go to another school. Our parents houses are an hour and a half away from each other. I also am planning on moving into an apt closer to my school.

 

Here is what I am getting at:

So this past weekend I went home with him to go to a wedding. On our way back to school he brought something up.

He said, "So after I graduate, I was thinking about looking at jobs in the Twin Cities"

"Oh, you were?"

"Yes, so I could be closer to you. You are looking for apartments in that area correct?"

"Yes I am"

"Would you mind if I live with you?"

"Of course not Sweetheart!"

Also, Sorry about how long this is. I figured the back story was kind of important.

So from a guys stand point, a man who has never talked about "our future" together, just his future and mine separately, this is a BIG STEP isn't it?

I'm just asking because I am very excited about this conversation, but also very fricken scared! Do you have any advice? 

 

EDIT: Let me make this clear: We'd be moving in together some time after Fall 2014. Sorry I didn't make that clear!

 

Re: The Next Step? --it's kind of a long post.

  • HEre's the question:

    Do you want marriage?

    Or do you just want to live with him?

    What you need to do:

    Sit down and have a long talk with him -- and you ask him straight away if marriage is imminent.

    If he can't give you an answer honestly, whether it's yes or it's no, then it's  time to rethink this gent.

    Even so, you and he should be looking for apartments together. It should be an "our place" not just him moving into your apartment.

    You are only at the six month mark. What I'd do:  forgo moving in together and see how things go, for at least one more year. You 2 will each be getting a new job, getting out into the workworld and saving and putting away money. (personally you should be moving into your own single girl apartment and living in it for at least 2 years on your own --- none of this living together stuff) Learn how to be independent and then consider marriage, after a good long length of time, maybe a year and a half down the road.
  • It sounds like you are really happy and I am happy for you!  If it feels right then do it!
  • Looks like you are going to be a Bride soon!
  • That's TWO years from now, correct?

    My take- sure, be excited.  But.... keep it in check.  I wouldn't recommend having a "so, are you thinking marriage" talk yet.  You've only been together 6 months and 2 years is a LONG time.

    Just focus on your relationship an denjoying it for now.  Get an apartment that YOU want that works for YOU. 

    If he brings it up again, be upbeat and positive about it, but keep HIM in check too and say "2 years is along ways off - when it gets closer and the reality of our lives at that time is better known, we can then talk details more clearly"

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • This sounds perfectly normal. Yes, this conversation is a BIG step and you should be excited. Have fun planning your future together but don't stress.

    Plans hardly ever turn out the way you thought so don't plan too much or you risk setting yourself up for disappointment. I have a general/vague five-year plan and ten-year plan and a detailed plan for the next year. Focus on the now.

  • Honestly, you've only been together for 6mos. Fall 2014 is VERY VERY far away! I wouldn't be putting too much energy into this right now. A lot of people enjoy their college romance but you never know what can happen after graduation. I would continue enjoying the here and now. Not about what will happen in two years from now....
    [IMG]http://i48.tinypic.com/ega6ic.jpg[/IMG]


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  • image EastCoastBride:

    That's TWO years from now, correct?

    My take- sure, be excited.  But.... keep it in check.  I wouldn't recommend having a "so, are you thinking marriage" talk yet.  You've only been together 6 months and 2 years is a LONG time.

    Just focus on your relationship an denjoying it for now.  Get an apartment that YOU want that works for YOU. 

    If he brings it up again, be upbeat and positive about it, but keep HIM in check too and say "2 years is along ways off - when it gets closer and the reality of our lives at that time is better known, we can then talk details more clearly"

    This. If saying "I love you" was a huge deal for him, I'd be scared to come right out with "Oh okay so we'll get married eventually then, right?"  Enjoy your happiness, start your new life and hope for the best.

    FWIW I moved in with my DH while we were still in college after about 1 year of dating and we're still happy 10+ years later.  

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