Relationships
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email [email protected]

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Frustration in marriage

My husband and i were married 6-6-11 and i had a daughter prior to us meeting and soon we got pregnant with our son. He and i never have time to be an actual couple anymore and we spend more time fighting or acting like friends then we do as husband and wife. We are currently living with his family and atm there are 7 adults 4 kids and 6 dogs /3 guinea pigs in the home. I get frustrated easily with my in laws because im the only one cleaning the house, now i am spending more time raising my neices and my kids then their actual mother. My husband never sayd he appreciates me and honestly makes me feel like a maid. I just wish i knew if anyone could relate and how to handle it. I dont wanna lose him but with him working nights and me days with full time school i feel overwhelmed and its almost like im not married to him at all he and i never see each other. What makes matters worse we havent had sex in months im going crazy it doesnt help we sleep in the basement with sheets dividing us from one of his sisters. Anyone got advice?

Re: Frustration in marriage

  • Tongue Tied

    Get the hell out of your inlaws' house.  Seriously, sex would be the absolute last thing on my mind if I was living in a cramped house with my parents and siblings (and sharing a room with my sister......seriously?). And if my house was taken over by a bunch of "adult" moochers, I'd probably give them all of the chores to do as well.......consider cleaning the house to be earning your keep with your inlaws.   

    I mean, really.  The two of you can surely afford a cheap 2 bedroom apartment, right?  Then you only have to worry about cleaning up after yourselves and raising your own kids.  And sex might come more naturally when you aren't playing house under someone else's roof.

    And if you can't afford to move out...........then you have way bigger problems than not having sex and not acting like husband and wife.  It's probably better that you're not having sex, since the last thing you need is another pregnancy.

    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • Know what the biggest hurdle here of all is?

    Your ages.

    You and he are 21 years old tops. But that's another story for another time.

    I strongly suggest you move out! Holy smokes, that is NOT enough room for all of those people --- get at least a 2 bedroom apartment and get out of there, pronto.

    His youth is showing. I will bet you that his mother did everything for him so hence, you are his maid.

    Starting here and now he is to equal partner/equal parent. That's no ifts ands or buts; it is a given. You are not to pull the entire load yourself. He's to do 50 percent of it.

    It could also very well be that your relationship with him is over and it's time to go your separate ways. 

    Remember: very very few guys that are 19 or 20 years of arege are ready for a lifelong commitment -- most guys that age are still buddying it out, going to parties and having hit and miss relationships with girls: it's all part of being in that age category.

    You do what???

    What makes matters worse we havent had sex in months im going crazy it doesnt help we sleep in the basement with sheets dividing us from one of his sisters.

    If you and he were not self sufficient to support yourselves, sorry --- you shouldn't have gotten married.  You can't expect to just move in with a relative, friend, etc and then start your married life that way. Nope; you have to be financially secure enough to do it, to the point where you can afford your own apartment and living expenses easily.

    If you can't, you forgoe the marriage until  you have enough money saved and the both of you have pretty good jobs.

    You need to sit down and talk to him. No interruptions and just you and him.

    If the 2 of you decide you want to make this marriage work, you need counseling. It's not normal to fight all the time.

    And if he refuses counseling, not a good sign. He has to be committed to going and with no resevations; he also has to be motivated and in it 100% to make the counseling work.

  • 1. Move out of your ILs house

    2. Try to be friends with your H before trying to be the "perfect couple."

    3. If you really think having sex will make you feel better(even temporarily) make a date for it. Go out to dinner and stay in a nice hotel for a night. That will give you both time to relax and enjoy each other.

    He might not be showing his appreciation because he doesn't feel you deserve it. Not trying to be rude or mean, but it could be the truth. When was the last time you told him that you appreciate him? Or that you love and respect him? He won't show it if you don't. Since you both work, why can't you afford a small apt for you and your kids? I'm sure that even if you don't make much, you would be eligible for food stamps or other government assistance. How long have you been living with ILs and why did you decide to move in with them?

  • What is going on with all these grown adults having kids when they can't even afford a roof over their heads?!  Is the word "trifling" still used?
    image
  • image CJGirl1990:
    My husband and i were married 6-6-11 and i had a daughter prior to us meeting and soon we got pregnant with our son. He and i never have time to be an actual couple anymore and we spend more time fighting or acting like friends then we do as husband and wife. We are currently living with his family and atm there are 7 adults 4 kids and 6 dogs /3 guinea pigs in the home. I get frustrated easily with my in laws because im the only one cleaning the house, now i am spending more time raising my neices and my kids then their actual mother. My husband never sayd he appreciates me and honestly makes me feel like a maid. I just wish i knew if anyone could relate and how to handle it. I dont wanna lose him but with him working nights and me days with full time school i feel overwhelmed and its almost like im not married to him at all he and i never see each other. What makes matters worse we havent had sex in months im going crazy it doesnt help we sleep in the basement with sheets dividing us from one of his sisters. Anyone got advice? 

     

    First, you sound like you're not mature enough to have kids.  So you have one child, meet someone, marry, don't wait have a kid, then move in with the in-laws?  Sweet heart your priorities are really messed up, no wonder your life is upside down.  The only advice for you is to move out! Raise your own kids not your nieces.  I really don't feel sorry for you at all since you put yourself and your lack of responsibility in this situation.  

     

  • image CJGirl1990:
    My husband and i were married 6-6-11 and i had a daughter prior to us meeting and soon we got pregnant with our son. He and i never have time to be an actual couple anymore and we spend more time fighting or acting like friends then we do as husband and wife. We are currently living with his family and atm there are 7 adults 4 kids and 6 dogs /3 guinea pigs in the home. I get frustrated easily with my in laws because im the only one cleaning the house, now i am spending more time raising my neices and my kids then their actual mother. My husband never sayd he appreciates me and honestly makes me feel like a maid. I just wish i knew if anyone could relate and how to handle it. I dont wanna lose him but with him working nights and me days with full time school i feel overwhelmed and its almost like im not married to him at all he and i never see each other. What makes matters worse we havent had sex in months im going crazy it doesnt help we sleep in the basement with sheets dividing us from one of his sisters. Anyone got advice?


    I am surprised the board of health hasn't been by: there are such things as maximum capacity and wow, fire and health hazards.

    Somebody somewhere is going to get fined.

    And if one of her ILs actually owns this house.....doesn't anybody there have any common sense at all???
  • Do WHATEVER you can to get out of your in-laws house to try to save your marriage.  If you don't get out of there NOW, with your husband, I think it's safe to say you will be leaving there with two kids and no husband in a matter of time.  So take your family, and get out of there. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • LEAVE! that really is the only solution.
    [IMG]http://i47.tinypic.com/29az2ps.jpg[/IMG]
  • Yes you Guys need to leave. You might be scared but just imaging how it feels to have your own place make your one decisions and have  alone time. Its not going to be easy but every accomplishment you reach together (renovating, decorating and all the other things) is building your marriage up, makes it stronger and more satisfying.
  • Move out? If you're old enough to get married and have children, you should be old enough to live on your own. I would go CRAZY if I had to live with all of those people, especially if you have to share a room with relatives with nothing but a sheet to divide you. I'm sure there are inexpensive apartments you could move into.
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards