Trouble in Paradise
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help! need ideas for making up after a fight

DH and I have been fighting a lot as of late.  We are both in stressful jobs and dealing with a number of upcoming changes and it seems tensions are running high and patience is short.  I am running out of ideas on good ways to make up after a fight that I start.  Sex isn't really an option, as H doesn't want to be intimate if he feels like I attacked him too recently.  I've tried taking him out to dinner or drinks but I want some new ideas because he's tired of the same old thing.  Any suggestions greatly appreciated!!!

Re: help! need ideas for making up after a fight

  • I find that a genuine apology that I really mean works well for me.

    I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but I'm kind of confused why you're using gifts to smooth things over when you keep fighting with him. Sit down, have a conversation about things, and see where you go from there. 

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  • image BarbourWales04:

    I find that a genuine apology that I really mean works well for me.

    I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but I'm kind of confused why you're using gifts to smooth things over when you keep fighting with him. Sit down, have a conversation about things, and see where you go from there. 

    Ditto all of this. Does he expect you to get him something/do something for him after a fight? I realize you are just trying to smooth things over, but feeling that you can buy your way out of an argument/back into his good graces isn't good or healty.

  • image BarbourWales04:

    I find that a genuine apology that I really mean works well for me.

    I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but I'm kind of confused why you're using gifts to smooth things over when you keep fighting with him. Sit down, have a conversation about things, and see where you go from there. 

    Seriously nest. Still no "like" button?

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  • What kinds of things are you fighting about? How do you fight? What is so stressful in your life right now?
  • I didn't actually say I'm trying to find gift ideas... After we talk and apologize, I'm looking for other things I can do to help move us from the crummy feeling of "we just had a really big fight" back to a normal happier place.  So sometimes for us that means doing something out of our regular routine, which is what I was looking for.

     I don't think the content of the fight matters when it comes to trying to repair afterwards.   

  • srgwsrgw member
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    Apologize and move on for the time being.

    Since you say you've been fighting a lot lately, have a chat with him and see what's up and figure out a way to make it better.

  • Ok, if you have already apologized and talked things out then show him you mean it. Take the opportunity to vocalize your appreciation for the little things he does and do little things for him. Whether it is bringing him coffee or making him a special dinner to say I'm glad we are together. Good manners are never out of style.
  • My husband and I used to get into fights where afterwards we would not talk and sit in our corners fuming. We have now gone through counseling and are working on communicating, especially when it comes to arguments. I think you should look at the root of the problem; why are you two arguing so much in the first place? If you are having "big fights" often, maybe it's time to think about marital therapy to get your issues figured out?

    As for what my husband and I do after a fight:

    1. If my husband knows he was in the wrong, he will usually give me a big long hug, which always makes me feel a little better.

    2. The last time we got into a big argument where we both ended up leaving the house to cool down, I went out and bought him cheesecake as an apology. When I got home it turned out he had gone and bought me a Dairy Queen blizzard I had been wanting to try- food/sweets are a way to both our hearts Wink

    3. Another time we had gotten into a big argument, I felt terrible so I went out and bought him a greeting card (the make one's now that say "I'm sorry"), and wrote him a little note.

    You want to remind your husband that- even though you two may have just finished arguing- you still love him very much and are not letting the fight come between you. Even if he is in a bad mood afterwards, I am sure if you do something sweet like a card, or even just a long hug, he will find it hard to stay mad.

  • image Tofumonkey:
    image BarbourWales04:

    I find that a genuine apology that I really mean works well for me.

    I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but I'm kind of confused why you're using gifts to smooth things over when you keep fighting with him. Sit down, have a conversation about things, and see where you go from there. 

    Seriously nest. Still no "like" button?

     I was basically thinking the same thing when reading the post. It's not about giving gifts or taking someone out to make up for a fight. A really great way of ending a fight is apologizing, meaning it and ensure that it doesn't happen again!

     

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