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Love me or love just having sex with a girl?

I was picky about choosing a guy - I wanted the guy to ask me out for nice dinner, to woo me over the phone, etc.

One time, I met a guy and went out with him. I realized I wasn't so interested in him and turned him down. When I saw him again at a random social mixer,  he asked me whether I was happy to get a free dinner.

It was quite a shock to me. And I decided not to have a prelude in the next date. I thought that once we get in an intimate relationship, the guy would offer those dinner things from the bottom of his heart. So, i met a new guy. We had the first date at a bar( we split the bill), and the second date was at his place. The second date ended up having sex. He went on a business trip right after the second date. I expected some texts or calls from him. But no. No message nor call from him.

I got only one message about a half week later asking what I'll be doing in the night on the day he's returning.

I wasn't happy about this message, and I replied I already have plans.

I told this to my friend, and she told me that my strategy is wrong. The beginning of the relationship is the time when the guys work the most to impress a girl. And the girl should take it. And over time, guys usually put less efforts in the relationship. She told me that since I started it with a very low bar, he may expect to continue it easy.

Anyway, I feel like he thinks me an easy girl for booty calls. What do you think? 

Re: Love me or love just having sex with a girl?

  • Huh?
    image Grayson's side-eye
  • A guy who cannot pick up the tab, period?

    He's not worth your while.

    Splitting the bill is not only an indicator of what kind of cheapskate you are out on a date with, it is also for friends. You're looking for a boyfriend, not a male buddy. And you sure don't want a cheap boyfriend, at that.

    I'm from the school that says the guy picks u the tab, everytime, all the time. YOu can reciprocate by inviting him to dinner at your place and making him a real nice dinner with all the trimmings.

    Be choosier. Find a guy who wants to actually date you and be in a relationship with you. I will bet you Mr. Split Expenses is looking for a booty call after he gets back from his trip. Forget it.
  • Yea, um, you're definitely headed into booty call territory if you're not already there.

    Your friend is right: a guy will be putting his best foot forward at first if he feels you're worth it. However, his good behavior shouldn't decline over time. Guys get comfortable after a while, but that's when you get the chance to see if they're worth holding on to.

    I'm down for occasionally splitting the bill, but that's after the guy is already my boyfriend. Until such time, I don't even reach for my purse. The one time I did split the bill on the first date, I ended up spending 3.5 yrs with a cheap guy that treated me like crap. Not a coincidence.  On the other hand, my H was paying for my lunch daily when we were just coworkers and never stopped as our relationship progressed, even when he was unemployed.

    Let go of this one, and raise your standards for the next one. Besides, half the fun of dating is free dinner! If I had to pay for anything while I was dating, I would've never gone out.

  • call me crazy but I never expected my now husband to foot the bill for everything. I get not wanting a cheapskate who will make you buy everything for the rest of your life, but I also didn't need a man to take care of me and feed me every time we went out. I always offered to split the bills for dinner, 95% of the time he would turn me down and pay for it, but seriously you won't even offer?
  • image sillypuddy143:
    call me crazy but I never expected my now husband to foot the bill for everything. I get not wanting a cheapskate who will make you buy everything for the rest of your life, but I also didn't need a man to take care of me and feed me every time we went out. I always offered to split the bills for dinner, 95% of the time he would turn me down and pay for it, but seriously you won't even offer?

    I am always surprised that women are still insisting on the man

    paying. I'm OLD and I haven't thought that way since the 70's.

     

  • I don't think there's anything wrong with splitting the bill. It shows a little independence on your part. Sleeping with him on the second date, eh...it is what it is. My FI and I slept together on our third date, but it felt "right" at the time. Now as far as his text asking you what you were doing the night he gets back, it would depend on what he had in mind. He might have been asking if you wanted to grab a drink or bite to eat. The booty call would come in if he was asking you to come over and it was late night. I've been in both situations before and it all just depends on what the guy is asking you to do.  
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  • No offence, but you really should know the answer to this. You put out on the 2nd date...if you can call that a date. Of course he's going to only want to meet up in the evening again. He didn't have to treat you to anything and you gave him what he wanted.

     I know this sounds harsh, but honestly you put the message out there and now he's wanting to come back for more. I would normally say dates in bars aren't a bad thing (I used to work as a bartender part time and met my FI at the bar I worked at, and we have a wonderful relationship and he treats me soooo well), but how about you suggest a nice restaurant or at least a movie where there's no preasure or expectation of sex.

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