Her name is Roxie and she was the first real friend I'd made in college. We spent a lot of time hanging out at school and quite a bit after school too. Whenever she had a problem, I was always one of the first to jump in to try and cheer her up. And whenever I was sad, she would always cheer me up somehow.
But eventually I had to move away because my bf (who is now my husband) and I were having issues with the long distance and didn't want our 4 year old relationship to go under. Even though I moved, I still tried to stay in touch with all of my friends because I didn't want to lose what we had built. I even went as far as taking at least two 4 hour long drives to visit so they'd know I still cared about them. I talked with Roxie quite a bit over facebook and tried to keep up with what was going on in her life because she seemed to be struggling with some home life and bf issues. We would talk for hours and even though it wasn't quite the same as being right there, I felt like we were still pretty close. Naturally when my bf proposed, she was the first I asked to be my bridesmaid. She accepted although she didn't seem all that happy or excited for me but I ignored it because I was sure she had some issues she was trying to work through, y'know? Well, I was right. She did have an issue she was trying to work through and of course, it was with a guy she really liked. Now this next part may get kind of confusing but I'll try to explain it the best I can:
There was a guy she really really liked who was basically stringing her along. He'd flirt with her and make her feel like he really wanted to be with her but he was already with someone else and didn't want to end his relationship with her for Roxie. Roxie tried to be cool about it but this guy kept playing around with her. They basically had a friends with benefits kind of relationship until eventually he did break up with his girl. Roxie thought she had a chance when not two days later he announced that he was engaged to his supposed ex. It crushed Roxie and made it hard for her to focus on bridesmaid stuff so I took on every task I could to make it easier on her. Not a big deal but still bothersome. Roxie just could not get over this guy even though he treated her so terribly. Off and on, off and on seemed to be their thing and it was making it hard to get ahold of her. When they were "off", she would get so depressed that she'd disconnect herself from everyone. When they were "on", he was the only one she'd talk to actively.
Somehow I did manage to get ahold of her to tell her to keep the upcoming Saturday open so we could go dress shopping. But when I came by her house to pick her up, she was still in bed asleep. It was noon and it took her almost an hour to get ready. What was even worse was my mom was with us, meeting my bridesmaids for the very first time. We managed to find the perfect dress and ordered it that day, and it would be a few months before I needed her to try it on to make sure it fit but after the dress shopping day, it was impossible to get her to respond to any of my messages or calls. I tried asking our friends about her but it was like she'd completely dropped off the map!
Eventually, her parents moved much closer to me which I thought would be a good thing since surely we'd be able to see each other more but I still couldn't get ahold of her and I had no idea what her address was or what her new number was. She didn't have a cell phone. I felt like a stalker with how much I watched her facebook wall for any kind of hint as to when I could get ahold of her. And then, about 5 weeks before my wedding, she posts that she's in a relationship with the guy she'd been pursuing for almost a year now. I was happy for her but I had this sinking feeling that was why she wouldn't respond to me.
Eventually, I finally got her to respond when I asked her when was the best time to come visit. She told me any time was fine but her new bf piped in that she wasn't free on the weekends because that was when he was going to come visit her. While that was perfectly fine, I don't see why she couldn't speak for herself. I don't really want to get into the petty details but this guy made it obvious that Roxie was his and no one was allowed to hang out with her without consulting him.
Two weeks...two weeks before my wedding and Roxie still hadn't tried on her dress to see if it fit. I was at my wit's end. So I tried contacting her through her bf. And that's when he jumped me. Now I realize that the internet is a terrible way to communicate because you can easily misunderstand what someone says but I'm pretty sure what he meant was pretty straightforward. Basically, he was upset because I said I didn't care that he and Roxie were together--and why should I? I was happy for them, yes, but I don't know what he was expecting from me past that. It was hardly any of my business. Then he proceeded to tell me how both he and Roxie didn't care about my wedding and that if they did anything to help out, including keeping the promise to be there for me when I needed them, that it was out of the goodness of their hearts and not because they actually wanted to. He said that just because I thought my wedding was important that I shouldn't expect anyone else to care. He even actually said that their love for each other mattered more than anything and anyone else. I was horrified. And when I tried confronting Roxie about it, she was just as confused as I was.
All three of us tried talking it out and it ended with him calling me a b***h and a bridezilla, and somehow even his friends and Roxie's friends were able to jump and attack me as well, saying I was a horrible person and that Roxie should proudly step away from being my bridesmaid because I wasn't worth it. Even my husband was saying I picked the fight because I said I didn't care about their relationship instead of saying I didn't "mind" them being together. Again, I suppose my wording could've been better but like I said, I fail to see how my approval of their relationship would matter.
The fight resolved itself when I apologized for being rude and explained how stressed out I was but Roxie's bf didn't really apologize for his attacks, only said he understood. A few days later, I asked if he could get ahold of Roxie for me and let her know that I still needed her to try on her dress or at least give me her new number so I could get ahold of her and tell her myself. What I got back was "Sure thing! Her number is such and such but she probably didn't reply to you because Tuesday's (the day I tried to get ahold of her myself) the day we devote completely to each other. Heehee!".
To make an already long story short, that was the final straw. I tried calling Roxie to talk to her about all of this one last time but she refused to call me back. She didn't even try to get ahold of me until two days later when she finally messaged me just to tell me that she didn't have my number so that's why she didn't call. At that point, I'd already secured a replacement for her, got the dress to the new girl and knew it fit her just fine.
So, two weeks before my wedding, I had to cut the one girl I thought I was closest to and replaced her with someone who although I barely knew, went above and beyond to make my day amazing for me. The wedding was a complete success and I have wonderful memories for it. The one thing I still think about from time to time and still hurt over is Roxie. I removed her from my facebook but I still see her profile pop up in my suggested friends box from time to time. I wonder how she's doing and if she's still with the guy, and if she even cares that we're not friends anymore. I wonder if anyone gave her hell for the trouble she and her boy toy caused me or if she even regrets any of it. I know it doesn't matter but it still hurts, y'know? I had hoped she'd be one of the ones standing beside me on such an important day but she wasn't.