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Why do you want babies?

Hello everyone! 

I've been lurking for a while on TN boards, but now I'm taking a plunge and asking you ladies a very big question I've been thinking about for a while now : Why do you want a baby? Why would someone wants to make babies??

So I guess this question, which pretty much comes out of nowhere, needs some context... I've been with my fianc? for 4 years now and we're getting married in a couple of months. Since I first started my bachelor's degree 6 years ago (now finishing the masters), it was clear for me that I wanted to do the big bachelor/master/phd degrees trio before I even consider having babies. Right now, I still have 3 year before I reach that ''school'' goal. I was always clear on that part with my fianc?, and he said he was fine with it.

 But a few months ago, a while after we got engaged, I realised that something as shocking as puberty was happening inside me : I think I started to feel maternal instinct!! I just feel so weird around babies, toddlers, or even when I even think about babies!

I talked about it to my fianc? recently, and I told him that maybe I want to have babies sooner than I expected. He asked me why I want a baby, and quite frankly, and cannot even answer this question! I am a very rational and logic person and I feel that what I'm feeling right now is... instinct?

 But why would I/you/anyone want a baby? How can a desire to bring a new life to this Earth can be logically explained?

 Well, thanks for sharing your reflexions! :) 

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Re: Why do you want babies?

  • I don't think there is a logical reason.  Logically, I shouldn't want to bring a new life into this already over-populated world with so many issues.  Logically, if I want to nurture a life, I should adopt a kid that is already here.

    Why do I want a baby?  I have this drive, this instinct to procreate and nurture.  I've always felt that I was meant to be a mother.  I want to be a mother, and I want to experience everything from conception to birth.

    That being said, I hope we can have a biological baby and adopt at some point.

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  • MRadsMRads member
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    I want kids for the same reason my parents wanted me: child labor.  My parents would say that's why they had three girls.

    But seriously, I don't think you can explain why.  You just have to know that both people are on the same page.  FWIW, I've never had an overwhelming desire to be a "natural" mother, and would have been content with adoption, but at least trying to have our own baby was really important to my husband.  So we're TTC and then we're going to try to adopt.  I just don't think this is something you can put into words and reasons.

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  • I've always known that I wanted to be a mom.  Even before meeting W I knew that I would be a mom one way or another, even if I was a single mom and tried adoption.  It doesn't matter how logical/rational you typically feel, whether or not to have a baby is like the choice of getting married.  It's emotions not resoning that makes you want to do it.  If someone asked me what's the one thing I want to accomplish in life, my answer is to be a mom.  If someone asked me what's the one reason I want to be a mom I probably couldn't really answer it much better than because I like kids.  W and I talked a lot before deciding to TTC and when my reasoning was because I like kids he asked me why I didn't just become a kindergarten teacher and all I could think was I didn't want everyone elses kids, I want my own.  Maybe your FI has been having similar thoughts or maybe he's just nervous about starting sooner rather than later.  When it all comes down to it we can tell you all about our feelings but it won't change or decide what your feelings and your FI feelings are or what you two will do about them.  I suggest talking about it openly and just seeing how each of you feel. Maybe even see if you can babysit someone else's kid (if you know anyone with babies) for the night and you and your FI can "play house" sort of to get a little bit of a feel for it. It may help calm some fears or it may reinforce the need to wait.

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  • frizbyfrizby member
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    As PP have said, I don't think there is a logical reason to it. I want to experience the amazing creation of life inside of me. I can't even imagine what that would be like, and I want it so bad. I want to watch my belly stretch and see a beautiful child created by me and my husband. Then to stare at that child and see all the pieces that we each gave it, and see that a piece of myself and my husband lives on in our children. 
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  • LexiMSLexiMS member
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    I also wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember.  That being said, I totally got that feeling like a switch had been turned and I wanted a baby right now!  I do think it is somewhat biological, but who knows?  I can say that last year I was fine just looking at babies and telling DH they were cute, and now I look at a baby and I feel a pit at the bottom of stomach bc I want one so badly.  That may also be the fact that we are having trouble ttc?

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  • image NotMrsSmith11:
    My genes are too awesome not to share with the world.
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  • image frizby:
    As PP have said, I don't think there is a logical reason to it. I want to experience the amazing creation of life inside of me. I can't even imagine what that would be like, and I want it so bad. I want to watch my belly stretch and see a beautiful child created by me and my husband. Then to stare at that child and see all the pieces that we each gave it, and see that a piece of myself and my husband lives on in our children. 

    This. Exactly.


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  • Well, thanks for the replies!

     I knew I would want kids someday, I just didn't think I would feel the urge to jump into this so soon!

     I agree communication with my FI is the key in the situation. But here again, he's really open to discuss about it and about how I feel; the only think is that he makes me think a lot on the subject!

     Thanks again for your reflexions! :)

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  • frizbyfrizby member
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    image amandaf6383:

    image frizby:
    As PP have said, I don't think there is a logical reason to it. I want to experience the amazing creation of life inside of me. I can't even imagine what that would be like, and I want it so bad. I want to watch my belly stretch and see a beautiful child created by me and my husband. Then to stare at that child and see all the pieces that we each gave it, and see that a piece of myself and my husband lives on in our children. 

    This. Exactly.

    I think we may have the same first name. Wink 

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  • image Miliska:

    Well, thanks for the replies!

     I knew I would want kids someday, I just didn't think I would feel the urge to jump into this so soon!

     I agree communication with my FI is the key in the situation. But here again, he's really open to discuss about it and about how I feel; the only think is that he makes me think a lot on the subject!

     Thanks again for your reflexions! :)

    This urge to have babies right away happens to a lot of brides.  I don't know what it is, maybe we feel like it's the logical next step once we're married?

    Also, I want kids so I can say "because I said so."

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