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How do I tell my mom I feel like she doesn't love me?

so my wedding is two months and i've been engaged for nine months. when i told her i was engaged all she said was "that's nice." we found out three weeks after we got engaged that my sister is pregnant and she is due in 4 weeks. every time i talk to my mom all she wants to talk about is my sister and the baby. if i'm not talking ab my sister or the baby, she tries to change the subject to one of them or finds and excuse to get off the phone. my mom has not had anything to do with planning the wedding. she didn't even come with me to pick out my wedding dress! i've asked her multiple times and invited her to go to different meetings to plan the wedding, invited her to dress fittings, and tried to tell her about the different things i was working on for the wedding at that time, and she acts like she doesn't care. she will either have an excuse not to come or say she'll come and just not show up and not call to cancel. i'm really and truely happy and excited for my sister and i understand my mom is excited about her first grandchild, but does that mean that i should be pushed to the side??? with the way my mom acts i really do feel like she doesn't care and that she doesn't love me as much as my sisters and brother. i've told her before how i feel and she promises things would change, but they haven't. they've just gotten worse. how do i tell her how i feel?

Re: How do I tell my mom I feel like she doesn't love me?

  • Yikes, that's strange.  Can i ask you something though - have you been engrossed in wedding plans and expecting everyone else to be?  I ask because initially I was too - I would call my mom, my sister (who was also pregnant during planning) and I think I got on their nerves a bit.  Not that I'm condoning her behavior, I'm not, but just wondering if you are playing a part in this at all.

    I think if it means that much to you, you should sit down and talk with her and express your feelings, and how much it hurts.  But don't expect a complete 180... some people, even parents, don't change.  Good luck hon.

  • DO what you humanly can to make sure she's got time to talk to you about this -- and then tell her what you told us.

    I have indeed heard of parents and guardians that aren't exactly overjoyed -- they mean well, even if they don't send up skyrockets when you announce you're getting married -- but wow, yeah --- this is a little standoffish and odd.

    I hope you get her to listen to you and get her to realize that you feel like a fifth wheel and that she's also making you feel terrible. GL.
  • Have you asked her why she's avoiding wedding-talk and helping with the planning?
    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • Is it possible so doesn't like your fiancee?
  • no i only do wedding stuff a couple days a week. im not in wedding mode 24/7. i even planned and hosted my sisters baby shower a few weeks ago and i go to all her checkups with her.
  • i've asked her and she always says she's not

     

  • they've had their disagreements but she's never said that she doesnt like him

  • image brookholcombe:
    no i only do wedding stuff a couple days a week. im not in wedding mode 24/7. i even planned and hosted my sisters baby shower a few weeks ago and i go to all her checkups with her.

    Ok then I really think you need to have a chat with her and let her know how much this hurts you.  But also, adjust your expectations.  You know how she is so don't constantly set yourself up to be let down. 

    Has this been a pattern all your life or just recently?

  • image brookholcombe:

    they've had their disagreements but she's never said that she doesnt like him

    I'm curious about this, to be honest.  What does this mean?  How often?  How many? 

    And her not telling you she doesn't like him doesn't mean anything, to be honest.  She may not like him but for various reasons doesn't want to tell you.  But yet she can't get on board w/ you marrying him.

    I think you need to go past "are you upset w/ me?  I feel like you don't love me" and tell her "It's clear there is something going on.  We need to talk because I'm concerned at sad.  I know you and FI have had issues in the past - is this coloring your view of my wedding?  Do you even like him?".  Be more upfront and push her on this.

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • no she has been like this since she married my stepfather 10 yrs ago
  • i definately will because her and my stepdad are the only ones having issues with the wedding. the rest of my family absolutely adores my fiance.
  • oSuzieoSuzie member
    First Comment
    I would not call her at all...I would wait until she calls me, I would not be a happy go lucky, always happy, loving daughter that you sound like you are...I would treat her exactly how she is treating me until she begins to ask "what is wrong...you seem different...are you upset with me?" THEN you tell her...see mom...not so nice being treated this way is it...get her to go through it and then she will change.
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