My ILs have never really liked me. I believe this is because they don't want to accept that their son/brother has grown into a man and no longer needs to have them make all his decisions for him. It's quite weird, as his younger sisters also have this mindset.
We dated for four years before getting married, and my DH is a wonderful man, husband and father. Really the only thing we ever fight about is his family (over) involvement.
Recently one of his sisters in particular started screaming at me how "i'm a horrible person, and she's never liked me". My DH told her right then and there to stop it, and how inappropriate & unacceptable her behavior was. She later recanted and apologized to him..... but has never apologized to me for the horrendious things she said to me. I told her, that she doesn't have to like me, all I ask is that she respect that I'm her brother's wife and respect that i am part of the family. She's never been able to do this.
We have done nice things for her in the past, like let her live with us, and i really am at a total loss with her. I've let stuff go in the past, because i wanted to get along with his family, but i really draw the line at being yelled at, smacked, and told that i'm horrible and she's never liked me. After everything I'm really hurt that she feels this way, and doesn't have the decency to apologize to me.
Now, she wants us to come to her daughters birthday party...... and i really don't feel it's appropriate, or that it sends the right message to let her off the hook. I just want her to apologize for all the things she said to me, and we can begin to move on from there...
but I guess i just want validation that it's the right thing to do. i feel bad that my daughter won't be at this family gathering, but i just feel like i need to put my foot down. I could write a whole book, but i think that's enough to get the gist. thanks for your advice!