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How to deal with step son

Hi I'm married and I have a 9months old baby with my husband we are a great family my H has a11yearsold son from a previous Relationship. We always had good communication and everything goes great but lately I feel like I'm lost and don't know how to deal with the situation.

My H ex the mother of his child started flirting and making inappropriate moves on my H andi feel like his son is helping her. However my H doesn't fall in her trap it is so uncomfortable for me.

His son doesn't want to do nothing at home the only thing he does is watch tv,play video games,and ping on his BB. Me alone has to do all the work at home and I feel so exhausted. Yesterday my step sone was texting his mom and told her I didn't give him anything to eat while my H was at work but that was not true,he told me that he was not hungry I felt so bad,I feel like the want to do like if I'm the evil step mom.

I feel so unconfortable at home,it is if like I don't belong her,I'm afraid to say something or to do something because he spends the whole day texting his mom on his BB and I have no clue what he's saying.

I feel like this whole situation is too much for me and I do not know what to do.

Any advice for me? 

Re: How to deal with step son

  • srgwsrgw member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker

    Holy run on sentences! That was really hard to read.

    You need to talk to your H and get on the same page about how to parent your step-son and deal with his XW. It sounds like your H needs to have a sit down with his son as well to discuss boundaries and telling lies.

  • My eyes hurt from trying to read that. LOL.

    I have a daughter from a previous relationship & her father still attempts to talk dirty to me, even after I have been married for 7 years. What does your H do when she comes on to him? I ask because if he is uncomfortable by it, he would make it clear that it is not going to be tolerated. I had to tell my ex that I would not communicate with him at all if he didn't cut it out. I don't have any need to communicate with him about anything other than my DD. Your H needs to do the same.

    I would have your H sit him down & lay out what is expected of him when he is at your house. Does he live with you fulll time? If so, he should have chores outlined for him so he knows what is expected of him.  There should be a punishment put in place for when he doesn't follow the rules. It sounds to me like your H needs to get on board & lay down some structure for his son. Good luck!

  • Sounds to me your biggest dilemma is YOUR H.

    The very nanosecond she started the heavy come-on, he should have told her to cut it out once and for all -- and he needs to speak ONLY to her if there is an issue that involves their son. At no other time should they be contacting each other.

    You need to be more proactive with your 11 year old (and ending the use of double negatives, along with run on sentences, would help you quite a lot).  Start instituting some RULES:

    He is to: keep his room clean, be polite to you and his father and other adults, act appropriately in all settings, pick up after himself -- those would be for starters -- and he needs to occupy his time with something constructive.

    He is also old enough to be given regular things to do around the house -- help with laundry, dinner, cutting the lawn, weeding the garden, dust, you name it: he can help do it.

    Giving him an allowance contingent upon completing what he is asked to do will help immensely.:) I think $20 a week for an 11 year old is a fair sum of money -- plus he will learn to save money, budget his own money and he'll take pride in spending what he's saved on holiday gifts, an item that he wants, etc.

    I am sure your town has summer youth programs -- sports, clubs and other things for kids his age to get invovled in: that's what he needs: to keep BUSY, not waste time on useless endeavors that are only for leisure time.
  • I don't read anything where in this block of words that suggests inappropriate communication between the boy and his mom nor your husband and his son's mother.

    Is the boy with you for the summer? There's a blended family board at the bump.

  • He doesn't live full time with us.

    My H feels very unconfortable talking to his XW and to only talk about things concerning their son.

    I think it's a good idea to start asking the child to help around the house because he does absolutely nothing and I feel so tired to be the only one working at home while he's the whole day watching tv and playing video games. 

  • imageslnela:

    He doesn't live full time with us.

    My H feels very unconfortable talking to his XW and to only talk about things concerning their son.

    I think it's a good idea to start asking the child to help around the house because he does absolutely nothing and I feel so tired to be the only one working at home while he's the whole day watching tv and playing video games. 



    What else would be a grand ole idea, too, for the youngster:

    When the fall rolls around, and school starts, make it a rule that he gets involved with at least one extracurricular activity -- a club of some type --- and a sport.:)

    It need not be football. What about a lifetime sport? Maybe martial arts, tennis, swimming, volleyball, squash or racquetball or soccer (there are indeed adult soccer leagues)

    I'm sure he likes sports --- he can use the exercise, the comeraderie and the discipline -- and the fact that performing with a team helps you to learn how to work with others as a team.:)
  • You cannot control the actions of your DH's ex.  Your DH is handling the situation by not engaging in inappropriate behavior.

    An 11 year old wanting to watch tv, play video games and text is not so unusual.  You should speak with your DH about appropriate areas where his son could help around the house.  The chores should come from his dad, not from you.

    However, you and DH are the adults and the main responsibility for the household falls on you two.  If you are exhausted, why not ask DH to step up with helping around the house and with the children?

    Also, you need to stop worrying about step son's communication with his mom.  If your step son is being untruthful (i.e. - the food incident) then let your DH deal with the situation.  Otherwise, it's normal for him to complain to his mom.  He's at an age where he will probably complain about most anything.  It's your insecurity, not step son's actions, that are making you feel uncomfortable in your own home.

  • I think you are right about that, I will to ask my H to tell him not me,but the problem is when I talk to my H he does all the work by himself and it really bothers me that his son being 11 does not do anything and does not have any responsibility at all.

     

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