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Sorry, me again.

I posted yesterday and I took the first comments advice and he told me that he has been having an affair for 2 years! We've been married for almost 3 years! I don't know what to do now either! My mom and sister said I should take the baby and leave. That I could stay with one of them until I was back on my feet and put together, but I don't know.  I don't want to make them care for the baby with me when he should be helping. I don't know what to do!! My cousin was also willing to help me move into his place and live in his basement. I know this is getting old, but I'm so lost in what I should do. I mean, I just learned my husband has been having an affair for almost our whole marriage.

I really need some advice and some comfort because I'm so lost. 

Re: Sorry, me again.

  • An affair is something I just couldn't tolerate, baby or no baby.  And a full blown affair over the course of most of your marriage?  No.  I'd take advantage of the offer your family gave you. 
  • image DoodleBug4510:

    I posted yesterday and I took the first comments advice and he told me that he has been having an affair for 2 years! We've been married for almost 3 years! I don't know what to do now either! My mom and sister said I should take the baby and leave. That I could stay with one of them until I was back on my feet and put together, but I don't know.  I don't want to make them care for the baby with me when he should be helping. I don't know what to do!! My cousin was also willing to help me move into his place and live in his basement. I know this is getting old, but I'm so lost in what I should do. I mean, I just learned my husband has been having an affair for almost our whole marriage.

    I really need some advice and some comfort because I'm so lost. 



    Holy smokes...:( I guess I was right....


    PS: His withdrawal is disturbing, not to mention immature. He needs counseling for that alone -- and are you sure everything is okay? Is it possible this guy is having an affair? (this is a dangerous time for a marriage; many affairs begin when the partner is pregnant)

    How horrifically unfair TO YOU.

    If this is how he felt 2 years ago, he needed to tell you he wanted out --- and he could have done the "right thing" and bowed out of the marriage.

    And all of this, with a kiddo on the way. I'm sorry.

    And if this is how he felt, why did he even agree to waste your time --- he married you, instead?

    I also would not be surprised if this affair was going on before you were married and he isn't exactly being forthcoming about precisely how many years he has been having this affair. In this case, he should not have wasted your time. He should have been honest with you and moved on.

    Do what's right for you and the kiddo: file for divorce.

    Lawyer up -- and please get yourself tested for STDs. One never knows -- I would also hate to see you expose your child to a sexually transmitted disease. Many can be transmitted during birth, like gonorrhea and sypbilis.

  • image TarponMonoxide:
    image DoodleBug4510:

    I posted yesterday and I took the first comments advice and he told me that he has been having an affair for 2 years! We've been married for almost 3 years! I don't know what to do now either! My mom and sister said I should take the baby and leave. That I could stay with one of them until I was back on my feet and put together, but I don't know.  I don't want to make them care for the baby with me when he should be helping. I don't know what to do!! My cousin was also willing to help me move into his place and live in his basement. I know this is getting old, but I'm so lost in what I should do. I mean, I just learned my husband has been having an affair for almost our whole marriage.

    I really need some advice and some comfort because I'm so lost. 



    Holy smokes...:( I guess I was right....


    PS: His withdrawal is disturbing, not to mention immature. He needs counseling for that alone -- and are you sure everything is okay? Is it possible this guy is having an affair? (this is a dangerous time for a marriage; many affairs begin when the partner is pregnant)

    How horrifically unfair TO YOU.

    If this is how he felt 2 years ago, he needed to tell you he wanted out --- and he could have done the "right thing" and bowed out of the marriage.

    And all of this, with a kiddo on the way. I'm sorry.

    And if this is how he felt, why did he even agree to waste your time --- he married you, instead?

    I also would not be surprised if this affair was going on before you were married and he isn't exactly being forthcoming about precisely how many years he has been having this affair. In this case, he should not have wasted your time. He should have been honest with you and moved on.

    Do what's right for you and the kiddo: file for divorce.

    Lawyer up -- and please get yourself tested for STDs. One never knows -- I would also hate to see you expose your child to a sexually transmitted disease. Many can be transmitted during birth, like gonorrhea and sypbilis.

    Thanks a ton! Check out my other posts on Starting Over. I don't want to tell you the whole story in this post. Thanks for the support. It means a lot! My mom, sister and cousin are great and wonderfully supportive, but knowing that a complete stranger is so supportive means a ton.
  • image DoodleBug4510:
    image TarponMonoxide:
    image DoodleBug4510:

    I posted yesterday and I took the first comments advice and he told me that he has been having an affair for 2 years! We've been married for almost 3 years! I don't know what to do now either! My mom and sister said I should take the baby and leave. That I could stay with one of them until I was back on my feet and put together, but I don't know.  I don't want to make them care for the baby with me when he should be helping. I don't know what to do!! My cousin was also willing to help me move into his place and live in his basement. I know this is getting old, but I'm so lost in what I should do. I mean, I just learned my husband has been having an affair for almost our whole marriage.

    I really need some advice and some comfort because I'm so lost. 



    Holy smokes...:( I guess I was right....


    PS: His withdrawal is disturbing, not to mention immature. He needs counseling for that alone -- and are you sure everything is okay? Is it possible this guy is having an affair? (this is a dangerous time for a marriage; many affairs begin when the partner is pregnant)

    How horrifically unfair TO YOU.

    If this is how he felt 2 years ago, he needed to tell you he wanted out --- and he could have done the "right thing" and bowed out of the marriage.

    And all of this, with a kiddo on the way. I'm sorry.

    And if this is how he felt, why did he even agree to waste your time --- he married you, instead?

    I also would not be surprised if this affair was going on before you were married and he isn't exactly being forthcoming about precisely how many years he has been having this affair. In this case, he should not have wasted your time. He should have been honest with you and moved on.

    Do what's right for you and the kiddo: file for divorce.

    Lawyer up -- and please get yourself tested for STDs. One never knows -- I would also hate to see you expose your child to a sexually transmitted disease. Many can be transmitted during birth, like gonorrhea and sypbilis.

    Thanks a ton! Check out my other posts on Starting Over. I don't want to tell you the whole story in this post. Thanks for the support. It means a lot! My mom, sister and cousin are great and wonderfully supportive, but knowing that a complete stranger is so supportive means a ton.


    You did the right thing --- and that you did the right thing so swiftly leads me to believe you knew deep down something was funky with this entire cold shoulder routine of his.

    I can't tell you how many women would go "But I have a kid...where would I go" and they stay with the azzhole because there's a kid! This isn't 1960 anymore.  Better to have 2 parents who are happy and living apart than being together and miserable and subjecting a kid to a horrifically unhealthy atmosphere as a result.

    If he said goodbye 2 years ago, it's very possible that you could have been able to file for, and get, a civil annulment.  The marriage was a year old at that point; I am pretty sure adultery a year into a marriage is grounds for annulment.
  • I vote leave, and leave the baby with him.
    image
  • Take all the help being offered and get out. Think about your child first and know that it is the best decision.

    If you don't want to leave him, think about the big picture and the future. Will you be able to get past this? Will you be able to gain trust for him again?

    Good luck and don't apologize! There is a lot of good advice on the Single Parents board on TB.

    TTC#2 with my hero, my inspiration, my United States Marine! Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • There's no way I could stay in a situation like yours. I could never forgive cheating, especially if it was an affair that has been going on over half your marriage. Like a PP said, take advantage of what your family is offering you.

    [IMG]http://i45.tinypic.com/2ivekut.jpg[/IMG]
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